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Let’s Talk About Coming Out

There’s no right or wrong way to go about it, as long as you are ready.

By Remy DhamiPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
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Leicester Pride, August 2019

When I came out, I felt so free.

Like, in all honesty, I felt better in a way that I’d never felt before. It was like the weight of knowing but feeling too upset or being too deep in my own denial to acknowledge it was gone. And it was shockingly easy.

I told only my sister in person. For everyone else, I left a note on my social media. No one was bothered, not at all, and I’ve felt comfortable telling other people, such as at work and college whenever a conversation about sexuality arises. I mean, why should I be uncomfortable with my sexuality? It’s a part of me. Just because people said that they always thought I’d be one thing, or because they were certain I wasn’t straight, it doesn’t mean anything. And the best part was, I felt at liberty to discover it myself. I took my own time, made up my mind and came out when I felt ready.

Now, I know that maybe you’re not supposed to make posts when you come out. I know people say it’s better to do it in person. But I did what felt right for me. There isn’t a right or wrong way to come out. As long as you feel ready and you know how you want to deliver the news, there is no right or wrong way. But no one should ever be forced to come out. I felt that way for a while, that I would be forced to come out. As I described in my blog post about how “it’s all absolutely fine”, maybe would reach the age I am and decide that I was, indeed, straight. But I would be probed and questioned endlessly by those people and made to admit something. Something that wasn’t even true for me. Maybe I wouldn’t even have wondered about my sexuality myself. I feel happy that I did though. Everything’s better this way.

Then there’s talking about it. I think it’s important to encourage people to talk about their sexuality. I mean, it’s hardly a taboo subject, is it? It’s just like talking about any other aspect of yourself. And I think encouraging greater acceptance in all areas is important. By that I mean that it’s okay to be straight. It’s okay to be gay. It’s okay to be lesbian. It’s okay to be bisexual. It’s okay to be pansexual. It’s okay to be biromantic asexual, like me. However you feel you identify, it’s okay. And it’s okay if you feel that your sexuality was a phase. You’re always learning about yourself anyway, and this is another of those things that you always learn more about. It’s okay to do that. If you feel like you are questioning your sexuality, then don’t be afraid to do it. Don’t be afraid of what other people think, because who you are goes deeper than that and you are a beautiful, beautiful human. If you don’t know how to come out and you want to talk to someone, don’t be scared to talk. It’s a big thing, coming out is, but you don’t have to be scared to be your true self. Be you, and love you.

Finally, you can ask questions about someone’s sexuality. People are always asking me questions about mine. Don’t be scared to ask. As long as your question is respectful and you ask politely, people won’t mind. If someone comments that they’d rather not answer a question, then please do respect that, but it’s good that you’ve asked anyway. I guess the overall message is not to be scared. Not of yourself and not of wondering. Because you are you, and you are valid.

I originally published this story to Medium on June 15th 2018. Since the publication of this piece, I have come out as bisexual and I am still just as happy and at home with my identity as I was when this piece was first written.

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About the Creator

Remy Dhami

In order to change the future, we must first accept the past.

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