Let's Breakdown the Stages of A Breakup, Shall We?

Even in the worst relationship, there is always one person who initiates the breakup. That person has had it enough and they want out. Regardless of how long you spent with this person and how they treated you, the one who initiates the breakup is the Dumper, and the other one left confused is called the Dumpee. It is like you could have been husband and wife, but sometimes life sucks, so you became dumper and dumpee. 

When the breakup happens: 

STAGE 1 - In denial Dumpee vs a relieved Dumper. 

You are in denial my dear Dumpee and now you want to know everything. How did this happen? Why did this happen? What could you have done differently? You were a great couple, weren't you? You had a holiday coming up, you just had amazing sex, what the hell happened? Why are they being so cold all of a sudden? Did they cheat on you? Is there another woman? They can't possibly be breaking up with you, can they? This is not happening. This isn't real. It cannot be real. 

You are so relieved Dumper. You thought this relationship was toxic and that it was putting you down. You built up every negative emotion in your head that it had a due date. Now that it's all been said and done you feel relieved. It was meant to end, and you had to end it. So that's a load off your shoulders, right? You are relieved. Let's see what the world has in store for you. Because you already could see the flaws in the relationship, you don't really need to suffer and your feelings right now confirm you did the right thing. If you didn't, you'd be in pain right now, weren't you? 

STAGE 2 - Angry Dumpee vs Elated Dumper. 

You are furious right now, aren't you dear Dumpee? How the fuck did he find the balls to end things with you? Doesn't he know, he cant do better than you? Doesn't he know, what you had was special? You want to hurt him, you want him to burn in hell for this injustice. He deserves the be in pain, you think. He is a bad man. Call all your friends, have a girls' night in, still, in a bit of denial, let all your anger out. Fuck it, he'll soon beg you for this. 

You are in elation dear Dumper, now that your relationship has ended, let's see who else is out there for you. This is a perfect opportunity for your hoe phase. Go out, drink, have meaningless sex, hook up with all your exes. Do them all. Live a little Dumper, after all, you just got out of a very difficult relationship. You still don't feel bad about it, in fact with this relief you are excited to be out and about. It is party time dear Dumper, lets go! 

STAGE 3 - Depressed Dumpee vs Nostalgic Dumper

Oh my poor little Dumpee, your heartaches more than ever now. You have now faced the reality that he is gone. Forever. He is not coming back. Especially after you saw on social media that he is now a full-time casanova, you two are over. This wasn't a dream, he didn't show up when you were furious at him and thought he'd regret it and come back to you. Now, it is all dark. Show some compassion towards yourself, it is gonna hurt, and it's gonna suck for a while. It feels like forever, but this is just the last darkness before you see the sunrise again. 

Dear Dumper, you woke up today and had a flashback, didn't you? Oh, the way she used to smile at you and snuggle you in bed. How good her hair smelled… But wait. Why did you remember this all of a sudden? It is gotta be just a memory. You should message that girl you hooked up the other night. She was a bit blah though. You are not really in the mood to play. You'll still show up if your friends ask you out. Then again, dating… Maybe it is time to have a little break from it. None of the girls you go out with can compare to your ex anyways. How funny she was, do you remember? The way she used to talk to you, with love, care, and respect. She'd even laugh at your stupid jokes, these new girls, they don't… She was a special one, do you remember? 

STAGE 4 - Acceptence Dumpee vs Sad Dumper

My dear Dumpee, you started to feel like yourself again, didn't you? The depression phase was a bit too much. It hurt a lot and now the pain in your chest seems to have disappeared. That is such good news. Now that it is gone, you can breathe again. It doesn't really hurt to go out or listen to songs anymore. You even started to dance again, do workouts, planning holidays with friends. Yes, my love, you still do think about him from time to time, but not as much. It still aches when you do, but then again, there is so much happening in your life, you don't have the time to think about the relationship anymore, do you? Such good news! 

You can't bend reality my dear Dumper, you can't run away from any emotion. Emotions are build up energy and eventually, it is gonna explode. You can delay feelings, you can ignore them, but you can be 100% sure that you'll face them someday. You are sad now, aren't you? You aren't even afraid to say it, you miss her. You miss her like you never did. Everything, literally everything in your life, reminds you of her. She was your light, and you lost her. You broke her. Oh, this pain is suffocating. Where did this even come from? Haven't you made the right decision by breaking up with her? 

FINAL ROUND -  Recovered Dumpee vs Regretful Dumper.

You did it, my dear Dumpee. You survived a horrible breakup. It took every ounce of your being, but you did it anyway. And you know what, your life is now much better. Better than even the best days you had with him. Hell, you can even be ready to date again. This process of taking it easy, really helped you get your rest and clear your head. Not just for your love life, but it also gave you a chance to evaluate your life as a whole and take control again. Oh, how good it feels to be finally free!!!

The worst is happening, dear Dumper. I'm sorry you are going through this. Your mind is racing with thoughts of, if you have made the right decision, will she ever forgive you, did she ever forget about you, is she still in love with you? You regret it. You regret letting her go, big time. It is almost like you are trying to come up with excuses in your head, that you should be back together. It almost feels like you are in denial that it ended and it should not have ended. It was your decision, and now you want to reverse it. What are you going to do now? Why is this happening?

Though it changes for each one of us, we don't seem to miss any of the stages after we go through a breakup. Sometimes it takes us 1 day to switch phases sometimes 1 year. But we all go through them. And then one day, just when you are finally moved on, your phone beeps again.

New Text Message from Dumper to Dumpee. 

It is a never-ending cycle. 

To everyone who is going through a breakup now, I say good luck. 

With much love, 

Miss A.