Leave Prince Harry Alone

This may seem off-topic, but hear me out: When Dr. Phil has the controlling, over-involved parents of an adult on his show, he boxes them into a corner, essentially saying: 'So you must not think you did a good job raising this person if you feel the need to make all of their decisions for them.' The parents are forced to either admit that they messed up or acknowledge their kid’s competence.

I’d like to employ this logic on behalf of Prince Harry.

When people accuse Harry of being brainwashed and controlled by his wife, they are, in essence, saying that he has no backbone, no conscience, and no mind of his own.

My question for these critics: Is that really who you think Diana raised?

I just think it's so infantilizing to claim that Harry is being manipulated into saying the things he says and doing the things he does. The allegation that Meghan is behind her husband's actions implies that Harry is incapable of making his own decisions, speaking his own truth, and paving his own path.

In truth, all evidence points to the contrary. When Harry speaks, his words don't come across as forced or fabricated. This man is quite clearly speaking from the heart about his personal experiences with an institution that is notoriously—and by design—stifling and restrictive, one that discourages individuality and has consistently demonstrated a willingness to sacrifice the happiness of its members to survive.

It astounds me that such a decent person can receive so much criticism. Prince Harry is a veteran who served his country, an advocate who throughout his life has worked to protect and preserve the planet, a mental health warrior who rejects gender stereotypes and recognizes that true strength requires communication and vulnerability.

And sure, he's not perfect. He and Meghan have both made mistakes, as I'm sure they'd be the first to admit.

But he isn't stupid. He's not naïve or gullible or weak. And he knows a bit more about his relationships than we do.

Like the majority of commentators, I don't know what goes on in this couple's marriage. And that's why I choose compassion. Civility. Empathy. I don't feel the need to bring down two people who openly struggle with mental health, who actively champion justice and equality, who preach empathy and humility, and who look so. damn. good.

I’m just an American observer, but from where I sit, I see a lot of angry people who have been manipulated into directing their anger in unacceptable ways at a woman they don’t know and will likely never meet. People who refuse to critically assess the monarchy and acknowledge Harry’s capacity to make his own decisions as an adult. People who will throw stones at Meghan for writing a children's book while bending over backwards to defend an alleged pedophile (looking at you, Andrew).

Blaming Meghan for Harry's choices is a direct attack on his character. It's an allegation of disloyalty, ingratitude, and narcissism. And the worst part is that these self-proclaimed "defenders" of Prince Harry are the real culprits, the people he personally blames for forcing him to leave his home. Meghan didn't drag Harry out of the country; they were chased out by the critics he had implored time and again to stop harassing his wife.

I respect Harry as a husband, father, and individual. I acknowledge his autonomy and intelligence, his ability to think for himself and to make his own choices. I care more about his health and happiness than I do about his backseat role in an archaic institution he never signed up for. And I'm enough of an adult to know that it's none of my business anyway.

I believe that Diana was a good mother, a woman who put the well-being of her children before the institution she served. I think that she raised her sons well and instilled in them a sense of right and wrong, a degree of dignity and self-worth, and a learned resistance to the institution the three of them were trapped in together.

Harry doesn't need the public's input about his marriage, his family, or his career. In one of my favorite quotes, he told ABC News, "I have no doubt that my mum would be incredibly proud of me. I'm living the life that she wanted to live for herself, living the life that she wanted us to be able to live." He claims to be happy, and that should be enough for his supporters.

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