Learning How to Be in a New Relationship
It's not easy to put past traumas behind you; find someone who understands!
I am not a romantic person; I don’t do any of the big Hallmark movie gestures or anything. I am so much more of a small gesture person; things people don’t really notice are signs that I love and appreciate them and that has gotten me in a lot of problem. People I used to date used to tell me that they needed more attention, love, or ways for me to show that I appreciated them. I didn’t understand why because it wasn’t like I was doing it on purpose just to spite them, that’s just not me. Or at least I thought it wasn’t me.
My boyfriend—whom I live with, is my favorite person in the entire world. I’m not that romantic still but I’ve done things I’ve never done before. I write little notes for me saying "I love you" or "I hope you have a good day" around our apartment for him to find in random places, like the restroom mirror, his underwear drawer, or the water bottle he’s going to take with him. I didn’t think he was crazy about my 100 notes I’ve written him throughout the three years we’ve been together, but I found them all saved in his safe. I made him a photo book filled with pictures of us on our many adventures. I’ve made things for him more than buy because I think it’s special. I know that buying and making things for someone doesn’t mean that you love them, but I do so much more than that.
I’ve never been a great communicator because most of the people that I dated back in the day were mean and cheaters, so I never wanted to hear a thing that they said, ever. It stuck, that bad habit of not wanting to talk things through after a disagreement followed me into this relationship. It surprised how unwilling I was to not hear him out or try to talk through it. Which is so fair, I was brining all the negativity from past relationships into this one; I was setting us up for failure.
It’s hard to forget all the things you went through with someone else, because really, they’re supposed to be lessons learned. But sometimes, you learn something bad because of a traumatic, toxic relationship. People who are patient with you and understand that not all your previous relationships went well is amazing. I’m not joking when I say I didn’t ever think that I could be this happy in a relationship. I have tried more, laughed more, and have felt love. I am so appreciative of this amazing person I have met.
My person isn’t a romantic person either, so I think we balance each other out perfectly. We don’t expect any of the things most people want on any holiday or anniversary. I don’t think we’ve ever celebrated an anniversary, honestly, I forget the date all the time. If people ask how long we’ve been together, I just give them an average of how long I think we’ve been together, and he corrects me all the time; I was off by a year once. We love each other and balance each other out so perfectly that I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone else.
To my lover, I thank you so much for being patient with me and loving me through my scars. Thank you for helping me learn how to heal myself and not expecting me to open my heart up so quickly. I love you more than words can describe. I love you more than lemon favored cookies and cake. Thank you for everything. I never thought I was capable of loving someone this much and putting in the time and work in our relationship. You are worth every headache and annoyance you give me! I can’t imagine another person I would want to argue, laugh, and cry with. I can’t wait for the rest of our lives together.