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Knowing myself better

A new day, a new discovery

By ArsonPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Knowing myself better
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Hey everyone, I hope you are having a wonderful day so far. I’m listening to fall out boy while writing this, and I feel pumped! I have something to share with everyone , so here it goes: I’m non binary.

I have been questioning my gender identity for a while now, and it’s so satisfying for me to finally be able to accurately label myself. My phone just died so I’ll be writing with the sound of singing birds for a while. Anyway, let’s first talk about my background in regards to the big announcement, when I started questioning and why, my current situation, and lastly an artist I think you should give a listen to.

I guess I have always felt different from others in my school. I was always a bit eccentric. I found it hard to socialize with others, built trust, have lasting friendships, and act normal. By that I mean I would touch dead birds, kill lady bugs, chew off the tip of markers, it was hard for me to focus so I’d doze off and I couldn’t learn like others. Does this have anything to do with me being non binary? Probably not; I was just a weird kid. I don’t know how to explain it, I just felt odd, not like others. I felt like I didn’t belong. Growing up into my middle school years, I felt alone in my group of friends because I thought no one else was going through the same thing I was. At times I did feel girly, but other times I wanted to dress androgenously and I wasn’t sure if I was a boy or a girl.

I started questioning when I was 17 years old. I was at the airport, I had a hoodie on, and the security guard who looked at my passport picture couldn’t believe it was me. Once I took off my hood like he instructed me too, he’s like ”oh I thought you were a guy”. That was what ignited Me. I didn’t feel offended or upset. I was happy. I liked that you couldn’t decide If I was a boy or girl, I could be either or none or somewhere in between. Up until that moment I always thought I had to be one: a boy or girl. But at that moment I didn’t want to be either. From that moment on, I kept on hoping that I would get asked my gender.

Nowadays, I like to go by they/them pronouns but sometimes I’m also okay with she/her. I don’t present myself a certain way. Sometimes I dress up like marceline the vampire queen, or like a 12 year old boy, like a homeless man, like a dad, or like Alexa Demie. I just dress like what makes me happy. One thing I have a hate-love relationship is my hair. I sometimes want a generic boy haircut to fit my look, and other times I want to keep my long hair because I feel like it’s part of my identity since I’ve had long hair all my life. At times I have a spiritual relationship with my hair and I see it as an extension of myself, and other times I want to carpe diem everything and cut it in the way I want. The two things that keep from doing that are my parents, and the fact that I know I’ll regret it the second I’ll do it. So my solution to that it stuffing my hair in a hat, it kinda looks like have short hair. I use it mostly when I’m going for a more androgynous look, and when I want to look like a fashionista mermaid/ fairy I take it down and rock my belly button long hair. I could also cut it and invest in a wig. But for now I’ll do the lather.

Lastly, you should check out Claud, they are a cool artist who makes bedroom pop and they just made an album called super monster. My favorite song is guard down. Check them out on Instagram and listen to them on any platform.

as always find me on Instagram @igotalotofpets.

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About the Creator

Arson

hey, call me Arson. i play guitar

a bit of flute and didgeridoo

i have 14 pets

my Instagram is @igotalotofpets

DM me if you want me to crochet something for you.

i have two tops Available and a cat hat

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