Kissing Social Media Good-Bye

I abstained from all forms of social media for a long time. I never had a MySpace page. I don't have Instagram or Twitter. I do have Snapchat, but only for the fun filters. I will never "send you a snap". As I stated before, I didn't take part in social media for the longest time, but once I got my real estate license, I joined Facebook. At first, I didn't do much with it. I didn't really know how. I wasn't familiar with the lingo. I didn't understand what the etiquette was for "liking" posts. I just wanted to be able to share my listings and connect with my clients on a need to basis. Well, three years later, I am yet another victim of the biggest time wasters on the planet. For all the good that social media *could* do, it is mostly used as a mind-numbing escape. How often have you picked up your phone to perform a legitimate task only to be distracted by that little notification in the upper left corner for the app? Your curiosity gets the best of you and you open the app. You only plan to see what the notification was but, more often then not, you fall down a rabbit hole of endless posts. This one funny, that one heartwarming. Posts full of beautiful family photos and romantic tropical retreats. Helpful vlogs that cater to whatever struggles or challenges you might have in life. All that sounds wonderful! Unfortunately, generally speaking, you are not going to just check that notification and move on. In fact, you are not just going to scroll for a few minutes and then get back to business. No, you are going to refresh the page, again and again and again without ever realizing how much time has past. Finally, you will get bored scrolling through your friends' virtual life highlight reel and decide to become a productive member of reality once again. You stand up and move back towards your original task. Walking over you realize, DOH! You never did whatever you set out to do. You go back to your phone, unlock the screen, and guess what...ding, ding, ding. More notifications! How much more of a productive life could we have if we simply stayed out of the social media escape world?

I am sure there are people reading this who think, what a minute! You have no idea of how much I need social media! There are tons of positives that come from being a part of social media! I keep up with my friends and family that I don't get to see every day. I use it as a virtual scrapbook so that I can see the memories pop up each year and reminisce about the wonderful times we had. I am part of many groups and that keep me informed and allow me to communicate with multiple people at once. To you, dear reader, I say, "Hear, hear!" You are correct. Those are all the fun and convenient things that social media has brought into our lives. But, I implore you to ponder the other side. To weigh the pros and the cons. To truly take an honest look at your usage of social media and examine your findings with fresh eyes.

Do you use it as a virtual scrapbook? Or, do you find yourself checking and rechecking and then checking some more to see how many likes and comments you have? Are you posting for memories or is this the modern form of the humble brag. Our vacation was so amazing (even though we fought the entire time). My child is the most amazing in the world - look at this award from awards day (the teacher is required to each child an award these days so its practically a participation ribbon). Look at our new home (we can't afford it, but we need to keep up with the Jones so here we are). I have to be part of my groups or I won't be in "the know" or see announcements (Maybe...but we made it a long time before social media and if you have ever been a part of a group message, you know good and well that the information you need will be coming at you hot and heavy in multiple formats). Not to mention, how many of those groups are unnecessary time wasters? Here is my example: I joined the Aldi's Aisle of Shame FB group. I didn't have clue what it was, but saw the option, noticed multiple of my friends were members and thought, "Well, I shop at ALDI. Why not?" Guys, this is a page dedicated to allowing people to show off and discuss the "special" items they got at ALDI. That is it. And guess what...I would actually READ many of these posts. Why?? I don't know. My best answer is because they were there, I guess. TIME WASTERS!

The final straw for me was the entrance of the to be infamous year, 2020.

Funny side story, 2019 was a hellish year for me. Horrid. Like, lost 40 pounds from the stresses awful. Well, enter New Year's Eve. Good-bye, 2019! Hello, 2020! My mental mantra had become "I am about to walk into the greatest year of my life." You know, speak what you want into existence kind of thing. Well, that evening I was walking down the stairs of our home in sock feet. My hands were full, and I was hustling down the stairs. Suddenly, my footing was wrong, I was momentarily horizontal in the air, and then with a thud I landed on my rib cage on the edge of step. I thought I was dead. At the time, I assumed it was one last kick in the butt from 2019. I had no idea that it was 2020 grabbing me by the leg to pull me into the year of COVID madness and murder hornets.

Social media in 2020 (*sigh*) is there a more dangerous place to make a statement of any kind? Have an opinion? Someone will quickly (and probably quite rudely) tell you that you need to educate yourself. Differ from someone on a point? Name calling and mud slinging are soon to ensue. See your friend being attacked and form a well-versed, fact filled defense that is intelligent and non-aggressive? Expect to be attacked by the original attacker because no one can see anything from a different vantage point without being labeled salaciously. (If I never see another post about masks it will still be too many!) I have a serious question. What is happening?? Are our scrolling fingers broken? If I don't agree with a post, I don't get my panties in a wad. I KEEP SCROLLING. And if you keep posting things I find moronic, I simply unfollow. How hard is that? But no, the fine folks of 2020 social media have decided it is their job to show you the light. Showing you the light is not the accurate term. They try to figuratively force your face directly into the flame whilst slinging as many insults and taunts your way as possible. You know, the healthiest and most efficient way to show someone your counterpoint. I, for one, have NEVER seen this method to be effective. Zero people end up saying, "You are totally right!! I am a moron and deserve to be punched in the face. Thank you for letting me know. Henceforth, I will never eat another steak again. You vegans are completely right and I will sell my cattle farm right away. Hopefully, my family will survive me giving up our livelihood based on a social media comment from my "friend" I met at my second cousin's wedding two years ago." This NEVER happens! You are wasting your time and planting seeds of anger and division. The trolls (whether they know they are trolls or not) are always lurking, waiting to be "offended" by anything. No matter what you post, someone will find someway to find it offensive. Especially, in 2020 where the amount of turmoil is the highest I have seen it in my nearly 40 years of life. **Bottom line here: IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT SOMEONE POSTS, QUIT FINDING THEM!! If you never like a single thing they share, BUT you are always commenting negatively or in opposition to whatever they are posting you are, without a doubt, a troll.**

Do you remember those pre-social media days when our friends were are friends, not our "friends"? We chose our friends based on common interests and personality traits. You laughed at the same jokes. You enjoyed eating at the same restaurants. You enjoyed their kindness or integrity or brutal honesty. Now, our "friends" are anyone we have ever met. We are not the friends of old. The friends in whom you could confide. The friends you could laugh with, play with, and do life with. Just because we are social media "friends" does not mean we are meant to be friends. Most are acquaintances at best. Believe me when I say, dear acquaintance, that your thoughts and opinions mean very little to me - especially when you lace them with name-calling and attempted "gotchas". It does, however, make me lose any respect I had for you and, quite honestly, it makes you look like a fool. A true friend would never choose the venue of a social media comment section to speak to me about something they see as an err in my ways. The entire reason for your "corrective" comment is an attempt to shame, belittle, or boost your own ego. Dear "friend", your inferiority complex is showing and everyone can see it. If you see a post you don't like, lift your index finger, place it on the screen, and move it in an upward motion. See! It's magic! The post you didn't like is gone and the world didn't implode. The added bonus of this method is that you didn't spend 30 minutes of your life in a pointless, joy-stealing back and forth that accomplished nothing, but did give away precious time that you could have spent with in the flesh friends and family.

As an introverted empath, I take on the energy I'm surrounded with. Some people enjoy a good verbal or written sparring. I do not. You don't even have to be talking to me or about me. I will pick it up and it will wreck my nerves. Let that sparring involve someone I care about and the emotional intensity increases. Attack someone I love and I'm livid, and more than likely on the verge of being physically ill. It is not a healthy environment for me. Honestly, it is not a healthy environment for anyone. You may not react the way I do. Maybe you feel good - like you are some kind of warrior educating the weak-minded and establishing a truly just world through your efforts. You may think I am some weak, hippie-go-free-free woman that just can't hack it in the modern world. You couldn't be further from the truth, but I don't have to prove that to you. You are a stranger in a virtual world. I am choosing to focus on those within my reach. I will love them unconditionally and make them feel strong and wanted. I will show them how to love and be compassionate. I will no longer act as one of Pavlov's dogs answering to every beep, ping, ding or vibrate. Never again to I want to turn down an opportunity to be present with my children or husband so that I can retreat into a mind-numbing virtual escape. I was to bake with my daughter instead of saying "Not right now." when she asks when I am lost in social media land. I want to have passionate sex with my husband instead of laying side by side scrolling through the latest local drama or checking out the faux highlight reels of others that lead to discontentment. I want to watch my sons fight over a game of basketball instead of typing out a snarky comment where someone who is essentially a stranger posted something that "triggered" me. I want to have a fancy meal with my friends where none of us touches a phone and the staff has to tell us its time to go because we have lost all track of time. I want to live life! For me, living life will no longer include hours on end focusing on a screen in my hand. It won't be easy. Lord knows, phones are ADDICTIVE to say the least. I still have a FB account, for now, but it will never again be the tool that blinds me from seeing the true joys and blessings in my life.

Good-bye, social media. I can't say we shall never meet again, but I can tell you our relationship will never be the same.