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Kicking Your Kid Out Has an Effect On More Than Just Them

A Perspective From Your Kid's Friend

By Cameron KurtzPublished 4 years ago 9 min read
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"Are you ok?" by ankxt is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Something that I never thought I would have to do was help a friend leave home after being kicked out. Unfortunately, I had to do exactly that last week.

This friend, lets call her Annie, is my best friend. The night before she was kicked out, including the entirety of that day, was hard on her mental health. She had been struggling with college decisions, her brothers, depression, and anxiety. That night, she came to me to vent, and I helped her to the best of my abilities. She told me she was worried her college decisions would make her family mad, and make them kick her out. I specifically told her that her parents would never do that to her. I calmed her down, we said goodnight, and I foolishly thought that was that.

The next morning at 10:56 am, I got a message from Annie, asking me if I was busy. That message woke me up that morning, was the first thing I saw for the day, but it jolted me awake almost instantly. I quickly replied to her and told her that i just woke up and I wasn't doing anything, and tried asking her if everything was okay. She ignored that part of my message, and the panic started to really settle in.

As soon as Annie asked me if I could do her a favor, I knew something bad had happened. I was anxiously awaiting her reply, biting my nails out of worry. It only took her a few seconds to tell me what was going on, but it felt like an eternity. As soon as I read "I got kicked out", my heart dropped and the room started to feel like it was spinning. I quickly asked her how soon she needed me to be there, and I rushed around getting ready to pick her up. She of course needed time to pack her things, so she asked me to wait. I didn't want to upset her so I did what she asked, but the 29 minutes it took her to pack up were spent pacing around my room, popping (prescription) anxiety pills, and quickly cleaning my car a bit so she was comfortable when I picked her up.

As soon as she messaged me to tell me she was ready, I jumped into my car and sped off. I was more than panicked and no amounts of coping could stop that. I knew that it usually took me 40 minutes to get to where she was, but I was tracking the time and it only took me 30 that day. Honestly, I probably should have been pulled over for excessive speeding multiple times, and I don't know how I still have my license. I tried listening to music on the way up to calm me down, but nothing was working. Every song reminded me of her in some way or another, and I was worried I was going to get there to see her beaten or worse. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I tried to think of things that could distract myself, but I couldn't. I was completely consumed in anxiety for her. At the time, all I could feel was anxiety and a sense of urgency.

When I pulled into her driveway, I immediately made eye contact with her. All I wanted to do was to see her face and make sure she was okay. To my relief, she seemed to be physically okay, but her eyes read mental and emotional abuse. I quickly parked in front of her porch where she was, and I started to take in my surroundings. Two of her brothers were outside witnessing everything, and her mother was screaming at her. My windows were completely up, but I could hear parts of the screaming match between the two. I wanted to get out and help, but I knew there was nothing I could do but be there for her emotionally. I watched her violently throwing her belongings into the backseat of my car, and I could hear her mother ask her if she was on drugs and a bunch of other things that my memory has blocked out. I also specifically remember her mother taking a picture of my license plate and threatening to call the police on me for kidnapping her child, even though Annie is 18 (and older than me). After throwing everything hastily into my car, she rushed into the passengers' seat and broke down into tears.

When I say my heart shattered for Annie, I mean it severely. All I wanted to do was to hold her hand, to hug her, to comfort her in some form, but I couldn't. Most importantly at the time, I was her driver, and I was dedicated to that for her. As she sat there sobbing and trying to put herself back together, I could feel my heart tighten in my chest. I love her so much, and all I ever want for her is to be happy. It hurts when she's upset, and seeing her like that broke me. I wanted to cry with her, but I couldn't. I had to focus, but it was killing me.

I listened to everything she had to say, even if it was just her thinking out loud. I wanted to say something to her to comfort her, but I just didn't know what to say. I still feel bad for it, and even though she's told me she understands why I didn't say anything, I won't get over it for a long time. Since I had suddenly left the house without telling anybody, I didn't know if I could just bring her home for a bit, and I didn't know if she wanted that. When we finally got into town, she asked me to stop somewhere with WiFi so she could get in contact with one of her other friends, because she didn't want to bother me. I don't blame her for not wanting to stay with me, as I was honestly doing really poorly in that situation. We stopped in a McDonald's parking lot for about 30 minutes while we waited for one of our friends to pick her up. I still didn't know what to say to her. I was still in shock from everything her mother told her, to the situation in general that I was completely dumbstruck with what to say.

With some time and patience, our friend showed up, and I helped her put her things in his car. She was still really upset, and I barely had the heart to look at her. Before she left with him, I made sure to give them both hugs, and I watched them drive away. I followed them part of the way, but decided that it might seem creepy, so I went my normal way home.

As soon as I parked my car, I went into my house to tell my dad what had just happened, to warn him that I might end up being hunted down by the police. He tried to help calm me down, but nothing was really working. I tried hard to be okay, but I couldn't be. I was completely panicked.

I remember while she was still in my car, I told her to message me when she got to our friend's house, or any safe space, really. While we are also still in my car, she mentioned that she might be going to live with her grandmother two hours away. It took her 4 hours to message me after she left my sight.

Ask anybody that had talked to me in that time and they would tell you that I was constantly panicking. I was fine the first hour, but I started to get really worried after. I couldn't help but think that she went to live with her grandmother, and the last time that I'd get to see her for a while would be in such a desperate and upset state. The panic attacks started closing in on me. I had to work that night, so I told my head manager that I had a family emergency, that I was having a really miserable day, and I'd do the best I could while at work.

I was getting into my car to leave when Annie finally messaged me to tell me she was okay. I was almost late to work that day because I spent 10 minutes talking to her and making sure she was okay. She was upset at the time, and wasn't wanting to talk much, but it made me feel like she hated me. In retrospect, those feelings are completely unreasonable, but I couldn't help but feel it at the time.

When I went on break that night, I tried talking to Annie, but with barely any success. She was still trying to get over what happened to her earlier that day, and I understood completely. I tried my best to give her space, but I was constantly in my own head about it, and she was the only person I could talk to.

When I got home from work that night, I sat in my car and had the worst panic attack I've ever experienced. I sat there and bawled my eyes out for two hours, because I couldn't help but feel like the whole situation as my fault. I told her 12 hours before she got kicked out that, no matter what, that wouldn't happen. I was panicked that she hated me for not being more of a comfort or a support for her. The thought of her mother calling the police on me terrified me as well. I'd already been having a hard time, and that entire situation in the morning completely broke me.

To this day, I'm still hurting from it. I can't help but think about the whole situation and get sent into another panic attack.

Since then, however, I've seen her in person and she was happy. She is safe and back home. While I don't agree with that completely, I know it's not my choice, and that she's smart enough to stay safe. I've told her that if she ever needs anything to let me know and I'd be there for her immediately.

Exactly like I was the day she got kicked out.

friendship
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About the Creator

Cameron Kurtz

Crap, I’ve never been good with bios 😳

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