Keeping it interesting.

It's nice, having no expectations in a relationship. Having no expectations affords the opportunity to keep it interesting, spontaneous, and open to possibilities.

I'm experiencing what I like to call, a thing with someone who has become special to my heart; and I place zero expectations on him.

Why?

Because it isn't fair to assume the other person is going to do, act, or be a certain way due to an illusion in your mind of how you want them to be. For example, let's say Jane is dating Adam, and Jane gets out of work at 7p.m; Adam knows this yet texts Jane at 8:30 while she is driving. Jane gets the message when she arrives home, reading, "Are you driving?" and Jane answers, "I was".

Now, if Jane placed an expectation of Adam to REALIZE that she gets out of work at 7p.m and to text her around that time because she won't be driving; Jane's, "I was" would have been directed to Adam as malicious or sarcastic or mean. All because SHE placed the expectation on Adam to ACT a certain way; HER way to be specific.

Can you see why it is unfair to place expectations on folks?

Because Jane expects Adam to act a certain way, she puts him in a position where the only avenue for him is to REACT in defense.

Adam feels like he was asking "Are you driving" because he was being genuine and now he is being made to feel guilty about his actions. He reacts to Jane by getting angry, wanting to defend himself, and they end up arguing the entire night.

Remember, expectations go both ways. Adam has placed expectations on Jane that when she doesn't fulfill, he gets pissed. And they fight. The cycle of placing expectations, getting angry, and fighting continues until one day either Jane or Adam leaves the relationship.

If I switch it up and say that neither Jane nor Adam place expectations on each other we end up with a very different scenario.

Let's look at the above scenario and picture Jane reading the text from Adam and smiling. She wonders if he was asking because of the full moon as she answers him. Jane goes to bed with a huge grin on her face, happy to have heard from Adam.

Adam gets up the next day and reads Jane's message and reacts with a smile. He has no expectation of Jane to answer him a certain way when he texts her and doesn't take her "I was" text personally. Instead, he texts her back to ask her out on a date, to which when Jane sees his message, she reacts with delight.

Jane and Adam have a zero expectation policy and it allows them freedom to be who they are as individuals in the relationship without compromising their core values, boundaries, and morals. Intimacy increases between Jane and Adam resulting in a healthy two-way street relationship that ebbs and flows easily and organically. Passion stays lit between the two due to the awareness of and connection to their desires, needs, and wants. And most importantly, the relationship STAYS INTERESTING.

I'll be honest, when first applying the no expectation policy, it can present a challenge. It is easy to SAY, and daily practice with the folks you care about asks that you become aware of yourself, your behaviors, attitudes, and reactions. The challenge comes when we see that our behaviors aren't pretty and lined with sparkles, we see how others see us. Looking inward isn't easy, yet the AHA moments that arrive are priceless for your personal spiritual growth. If you can look at your shadow self as it is, accept and surrender to it, and move toward how you want to act, be, do; in my experience, miracles occur.

Remember: place no expectations and whatever thing you have with that special someone might grow into something that catches you off guard in a really great way.