Just Be F@ck!ng Nice!

There’s a reason that this has been in my bio on here for ages… because we all need to be reminded of it sometimes. I can’t fathom why, in the twenty-first century, we still need to be reminded about being nice. Why people are still treated differently because of the colour of their skin, their religion, their sexual orientation, their gender, disabilities, etc. We’re all human at the end of the day, just trying to live the best life we can, within the constraints of our social, political and economic restraints. I was lucky enough to grow up with a really diverse group of friends. One of my oldest friends, who I’ve been friends with since I was four, is a trans male. I love him to bits. Just as much as I love my Sikh best friend. As a cis-gendered, heterosexual, white female, I am so thankful to be surrounded by different cultures, because I cannot imagine how boring it must be to live within the constraints of one fixed ‘ideology’.

That is why I’m sharing what my friends and I do, to learn about one another’s cultures, likes and dislikes, and just celebrate one another. And my plan this year, is to do what we always do, but also… so much more! It’s been a tough few years for everyone, but now, we can use this time to grow and shine and just all be better humans!

A few years ago, one of my friends came out to me. He was visibly nervous, but then he said something to me that I will never forget, he said – “I always feel safe telling you things. I know you won’t judge me and I’m really thankful for that.” It meant so much to me that he said that, but then it made me think… the fact that he said he feels safe with me, implies that he doesn’t feel safe around some others. He slowly began telling the rest of our friendship group, and now, he’s just himself, and we wouldn’t have him any other way. He suggested that we set up a group chat, so if any of us ever need support, we know we all have one another. A safe space we can all go to. Naturally, we all loved that idea, and to this day, we use it for everything. Sharing memes, favourite songs, stories about events in the day, and most importantly – we all use it when we need help.

Before COVID hit, and a few times since, we do this thing where, once a month (sometimes more if our schedules sync), we have a massive feast, celebrating that friend’s heritage. For example, one of our friends was born and raised in China, before her and her parents moved to England when she was fifteen, to look after her grandmother who had been over here for many years. So, one month, we all went to hers and had an authentic Chinese night. We ate food, we listened to Chinese music and she taught us all about her family and what she used to do as a child, etc. It was amazing, and actually kick-started my love for China and their culture. We’ve all had our nights. Chinese, English, Indian, Caribbean, Ukrainian, Pakistani, Portuguese.

We learn together. We love together. We grow together.

I wish everyone could be as inclusive and celebratory as we are. We’ve been on nights out and gotten nasty comments from passers-by. If our friend Tom is dressed in his pride-inspired outfits. That time Dayana and Benita went to their cousins’ party and met up with us after. It’s horrible to see. Of course, we all come together and support our friends when outsiders are being nasty, but I know it can really get to them. I want to do more. I feel it falls on me a little bit to do more, because it’s people in my country that are the problem. Of course, I know loads of people who are trying to help, but that small minority of idiots, really need to realise that we’re all beautiful, scarred, loving, happy, broken, enchanting, wonderful humans.

Starting this year, my group and I have decided to dedicate our spare time to volunteering. We’ve all done bits here and there for charities, we all regularly donate to different organisations, but we wanted to do more. So, we’ve all written the names of three charities and put them into a hat. Then, every month, we are going to draw a name out of the hat, and do whatever we can for that charity. Bake sales, donating (if they are charities that take physical donations, like in shops, etc), do fund-raising activities at our workplaces, to help spread the word of that charity, etc. Basically, do what we can, to raise as much as we can.

I also want to go a little further. I lost my mum a few years ago, and she suffered from a relatively-unknown health issue. It’s called Guillain-Barré syndrome. Not a lot is widely known about it, but it’s incredibly life-threatening and can be very severe. My mum lived with it for a number of years, and I saw just how much pain she went through on a daily basis. I even became her carer towards the end of her life. I want to raise awareness about it, and once I am financially stable (I know that won’t be for a little while yet), I want to set up a UK charity, that helps support sufferers and their families. Because the only dedicated charity to Guillain-Barré syndrome is in America. There is a support group in the UK, but they can’t offer what I want to. I want to set my charity up for the UK, but eventually take it globally, so it can help people all over the world. My mum and I had no one when she was suffering… I don’t want anyone else to have to go through that. She felt incredibly marginalised at work, because not many people believed her, because they’d never heard of Guillain-Barré syndrome. They thought she was being dramatic or lying to get out of work. But that simply wasn’t true. I’d love to be able to educate people and give the suffers a voice. So them and their families don’t feel so alone.

So whatever you do to spread some cheer and be inclusive, just remember those people you’re fighting for. Your friends, family, neighbours, even a teacher or work college, everyone is deserving of love and kindness. No one should ever feel horrible inside of their own skin. We have the capacity to nurture and support, so please use that. If you see something that isn’t right… speak up. If your friend is being bullied, support them. The only way this world can begin to be a better place, is to start with us. Help people. Learn about different cultures and religions. Soak up everything. I guarantee you; it’ll brighten up your life and open you up to wonderful new experiences.

Love is beautiful and every single person deserves it in abundance.