Just an Ex? Or an Old Flame?

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. Kourtney K and Scott Disick. Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth.

These couples simply cannot get a clean break from one another and if one happens to be their current partner, it’s hard not to doubt if the ex is still somewhere around lurking in their minds or lives.

Dealing with the ex’s issue is goddamn hard. It is so easy to trigger insecurity just thinking of this special bond and passion between you guys—which seems so unique and irreplaceable to you—has actually been shared between him/her and their ex’s before you. You have to be okay that it is going to be something that will always live inside him/her, and yet you will never ever be part of it. And it’s easier said than done.

So below is a little something—of course nowhere near to being a comprehensive guide—for my girls out there to judge what is to be considered as a healthy ex-relationship or their baes are just being another “Justin” to their “Selena.”

Situation 1 – They follow each other on social media.

Normal: He likes or comments on his ex’s posts once in a while.

This is okay. But note that the keyword is "once in a while" and not every freaking single post. Also, it is better if he is commenting/liking posts that are about milestones in her life (ie. new job, new house, etc) and not their sexy selfies.

Red Flag: He likes five photos of hers at 3 AM, one of which is an old post of them together.

When we are drunk, lonely, or sad, it is this time that we face the truth in our hearts. So if his ex is the person on his mind during such times, so much so that he can’t help but to check out her profiles, it really goes to show what and whom he treasures the most.

Situation 2 – They meet each other in real life.

Normal: He has a short chat with her during occasional friend gatherings.

For some couples, even when they have broken up, their social circle remains the same and so it is inevitable to run into each other at such gatherings. If they have a short catch up in the presence of other friends, it should be harmless. In fact, it goes to show that they indeed have no things to hide and are transitioning to real friends.

Red Flag: He and she would go out for coffee or a quick drink sometimes. He even sent her home and “dropped by” at her place for a while.

Need I say more? This is a NO. Running into each other at a social gathering is inevitable, but making an effort to ask one another out separately is just way too shady.

Situation 3 – They text each other.

Normal: He and she text each other once in a while.

Honestly, I don’t see for what reasons they have to text each other for, but this is me trying to be the bigger person in the relationship.

Red Flag: He texts her often, sharing things in his life—both the happy and not so happy things.

The only reason you want to share your life with another person is that you care about their reactions to you. So if they are broken up entirely like he has claimed so, then what the heck was he thinking when he told her about the quarrel that you two had last night!?

To be honest, the most ideal situation is that your man has completely broken up with his ex’s and none of them are in his life in any way—not virtually and definitely not in real life. But sometimes that is just not possible and it is an art to learn how to tread carefully on this issue.