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Journal (April 26 - May 17)

April 26, 2017 - May 17, 2017

By Jasmin EddyPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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April 26, 2017

So, I have been doing really well in school. Which, is amazing.

I have applied to multiple jobs. Hopefully I get this job I really want. My mom had to get her liquor lisence and she passed the test today. All she has to do is one more thing and she has the job fully.

I will admit, I am hurting only because I see all these couples and I am single.

I try to put myself out there to meet new people but it isn't working. I was thinking maybe I should give up looking. My father, is friends with this guy. And the guy is having relationship troubles. everyone can see that the girl is just using him. So my father said to him, " I have a single 19 year old, maybe you should date her."

It is now going through my mind. I mean who would date me? I am a loser, I do everything wrong. I get cheated on, lied to, and hurt. What's the point of finding someone? I don't know how much more heartbreak I can handle. My family doesn't even know. I hide it well.

Anyway I will try to post more.

Have a nice night/day.

May 12, 2017

Family. What does it mean to me?

It should mean people who are there for each other. People who understand you and won't leave you. People who don't verbal abuses you and treat you like shit.

No, what it means to me now is people who I am related to by blood.

Sometimes I want to just leave, find a place to stay and get away from them. Other times I wonder what it would be like to be deleted. (Die.) I know it is wrong to say those things but it's the truth. I feel like I don't have a family. Like I am all alone. I talk to my best friend, I consider her a sister. Even though we aren't even the same race. Sometimes it is better to have family that isn't related by blood then to have a family that is.

What a wonderful fucked up life. I can deal with bullying, with depression, and anxiety. But to be verbally abused most of my life by my so called "family." I can't. At least not anymore. I wanna block of all of my emotions. So I can focus on school. So I can get a degree and get a good job. Something my parents could never do. I am proud of my little sister though. She is continuing her education. Trying to get her GED. Although, She can be a bitch too. I am proud of her.

I never thought that my life would become so bad that I keep thinking about dying. That I come so close to just doing it. I don't even do my art anymore. I have given up on it. I give up on family. I give up on life.

May 17,2017

So I have been talking to this guy for a while. He is so sweet. I am falling for him. He says I shouldn't, but it's hard when your heart has already fallen. I know I have been hurt before multiple times. But I keep hope.

Hope is something that helps me keep going through life.

Our kittens we got recently are doing well. The three of them are so adorable. We have two boys and one girls. Their names are Socks Satan Eddy, Lucifer Midnight Eddy, and Wonderer Melody Eddy.

Princessa hisses at them sometimes still but he is slowly getting used to them.

Love; it is so hard to find and so easy to lose. I may seem innocent on the outside, but my eyes have seen many things. About the guy who I am talking to, he is mysterious yet I can somehow understand certain things about him. He makes me smile all the time even when my family has made me mad. He is handsome. To me however, looks isn't everything. It is there personality. It is what's on the inside not the outside. Every day we talk it helps me not be bored. I smile all day, looking real goofy. But he is amazing.

This week is my last week for this class I am in. I really don't like the instructor. I am trying my best in the class but all it does is make me stressed. Hopefully I pass it. I can't wait for the next class. It is a math class. Gosh! I sound like a geek.

Anyway I hope whoever is reading this has a wonderful day/night.

love
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About the Creator

Jasmin Eddy

I am 20 years old. I may seem young but I have a lot of my mind. Life happens. Why not write about it.

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