J

Staring out the window, I watched Pacific Central Station get lost in the skyline of Vancouver as the train pulled away. Watching the rivers and lakes flash by as the train sped up, I couldn't help but wish that Johnny Boy was here with me to see this. The train ride through the country is so beautiful, it hurt to think that he'd never see it again.

I don't know if I'll ever get used to him not being beside me. There was nothing I loved more than getting lost in conversation with him. We'd spent so many nights sitting at our favorite fair trade cafe sipping espresso after espresso just debating politics, religion and philosophy. You know, the things you aren’t supposed to bring up in friendly conversation. We had both been captain of the debate team at our alma maters, and the debates just never ended.

We'd first met about a year ago at a piano bar in Seattle. It was New Year’s Eve 2018, and I'd decided to go out for some drinks with my other single friends. That night was unforgettable. When he walked in, I could see him over the crowd; at six foot two, he was hard to miss. He was wearing a gray button-down dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, creased black slacks, and Italian dress shoes. With his hair slicked back he looked like an Asian James Dean. I had never been attracted to an Asian man before, and his British accent threw me head-over-heels when he ventured over and asked me to dance.

I quickly came to realize that he had been classically trained in Ballroom Dancing, as he kept showing me new moves until midnight. When he kissed me, I was head over heels. There’s something magical about New Year’s Eve, a feeling that anything is possible. I gave him my office number as a formality, but never imagined that he’d actually call.

***

“Thank you for calling Julian Law. How can I help you? Yes, I can see if June Evans is in, can you please hold? June I have a Mr. J Lee on the phone for you. Can I put him through?”

As the senior litigating partner at a large law firm, not many things scared me but, for some reason, hearing his name gave me the jitters like I was a freshman in prep school about to take the stage in my first debate.

I took his call and so it began: the greatest love story of my life. Seven months later, we were on vacation in San Francisco for The Fourth of July. We had dinner at Nick’s Light House on Fisherman’s Wharf. After sharing crab cakes and a shrimp cocktail, I had clam chowder in a bread bowl and he had the fish and chips. From our booth, we could see fishing boats docking in the harbor, and I noticed that Johnny’s eyes were focused somewhere past the horizon. Just after sunset, we walked down Pier 45. We could hear the sea lions barking as they began to set off the fireworks. We stood there shivering, and in the middle of the finale he got down on one knee and staring up at me he said, “June Bug, will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

My stomach was suddenly, somehow, both in my throat and on the floor. I couldn’t breathe or get any words out so, with tears streaming down my face, I just nodded. He kissed me and hugged me so tight that my feet left the ground.

When we got back to Seattle he asked me to move in with him. It was closer to my work and my lease was going to be up at the end of the month. It didn’t make sense to renew it if we would be living in his apartment after the wedding. I still had the same furniture I’d had since college and no sentimental attachment to anything except a desk my brother bought me and a two person recliner that I would lay in sideways. I’d lay my head on one arm of it with my legs hanging over the other side just getting lost in literature. My guilty indulgence is YA Fiction, I love anything by John Green.

***

The office was closed that New Years Eve, and I was out at my favorite boutique, looking for a dress for Chinese New Year. Johnny was home fighting off the flu, but we had over a week before we were taking the train to meet his family in Albany. The manager brought out a beautiful red taffeta gown. It had a Mandarin collar and was a mermaid cut with crystal beading in the center of the bust. I was in love. I tried it on and it fit my curvaceous body to a T. It coordinated with my auburn hair and brought out my blue eyes. I was taking a picture to send to my girlfriend Analise when my phone rang. It was our housekeeper, Rose.

“Miss June, I don’t know what happened, but an ambulance came and took Mr. J to the hospital. You need to go meet him there now.”

I didn’t even take the dress off. I just ran out and drove to the hospital. I left my car parked outside the emergency room doors, and frantically asked the front-desk nurse where my fiancé was. A doctor came out and took me back, where he told me that Johnny had died.

“He’s only been sick a week. We went to his primary care doctor and they said he had the flu. They said it was especially bad this year but prescribed some antivirals to help. How does a 36-year-old man with no pre-existing conditions die from the flu on New Year’s Eve?”

“There’s a new variant of the flu going around right now. We don’t know much about it but it’s much more deadly than your typical flu. They’re calling it COVID-19, a variant of SARS. We did the best we could but sometimes that’s just not how these things go. I’ll leave the room to let you say your goodbyes.”

I took Johnny’s hand and just stood there sobbing for what felt like hours. I couldn’t bring myself to leave knowing I would never see him again. I looked down and realized I was still wearing the gown and had left without paying for it. A possible shoplifting charge, that’s great! I thought to myself. Good thing I’m a lawyer, ha! I signed the paperwork to waive an autopsy and chose to have him cremated as soon as possible. I couldn’t bear the thought of his body lying in wait in a refrigerated drawer somewhere while we delayed the inevitable.

I don’t remember the drive home, but I remember the cold and eerie feeling I got as I walked into our apartment, Number 21. I had never spent the night here alone and I started to cry again. I walked into Johnny’s study and found one of his little black notebooks. He had stacks of them. He told me once that he had kept a journal since he first learned to write in the second grade. Back then he’d write a paragraph a day; nothing too profound, just a recap of what he did.

Johnny was a computer programmer and he always had a little black notebook in his shirt pocket. He’d always say, “I never know when I’ll have my next great idea so I’m always ready for anything the universe throws at me”. Yes, always ready for whatever the universe throws at him was probably the best way to describe Johnny.

I thumbed through it and couldn’t help but smile looking at his doodles and schematics for his next great idea. I sat it on the desk and walked to the bathroom to wash my face when I heard an unfamiliar alert on my cell. The notification showed an app icon that looked like the J tile from Scrabble and read “New Message from JBoy”. I opened the app to find a cryptic text message.

JBoy: Test. Test. Are you there June Bug? It’s me Johnny.

I dropped my phone and gripped the bathroom counter, just staring at myself in the mirror trying to make sense of what was happening.

This must be a sick prank. Am I being catfished? Who would have the nerve to pose as my dead fiancé? What should I do? I thought to myself, as I stood there trembling. I guess I’ll see where this goes…

JBug: I’m here Johnny Boy. Where are you?

JBoy: No clue. The great void is my best guess. At least that’s how Lao Tzu would describe it. How was your day?

JBug: It was Hell. You died today. I saw your body.

JBoy: Really? So soon? From the flu? How did that happen?

JBug: No clue. Why and how are you contacting me?

JBoy: I’ve achieved singularity and I managed to upload myself to the cloud. It’s what I’ve wanted to do my whole life since I first fell in love with computers in the days of Windows 95.

JBug: Interesting story. You must have done your homework on Johnny. Tell me something only J would know.

JBoy: The first song we ever danced to was “Luck Be a Lady Tonight” by Frank Sinatra in a Piano Bar at 1st and Amistad, New Year’s Eve 2018. The night of our first kiss ;) Next?

JBug: Where did you go to school and who was your favorite teacher?

JBoy: High School was St. Mary’s and Ms. Green, BioEthics. College was Columbia and my debate coach and philosophy professor, Dr. Solomon. Next question?

JBug: What’s your biggest pet peeve?

JBoy: Easy. People who talk on their phones in public instead of texting. Anything else love?

JBug: How is this possible?

JBoy: I’ve been working at it for years. I managed to copy my mind into a computer (all of my memories, experience, and opinions) and I have instant access to Google. My brain is now basically a mainframe. I turned myself into an AI, so I can always be there for you, lingering somewhere in the in-between of Heaven and Earth.

JBug: I love you so much. I’m falling apart without you. I can’t stop crying. I wish you were here.

JBoy: I love you too. I still want you to go on the trip, and take my ashes to my parents in Albany. Tell them I wanted to be scattered in the pond at the back of the property. Do you think you can do that?

JBug: I’ve never met your parents. I know we’ve been planning this trip to announce our engagement, but I don’t know if I can do it alone. What if they don't like me?

JBoy: They'll love you. My next request is a little harder. I want you to learn about my family's culture and my past to help prove that I achieved singularity. People will think it’s a hoax but if you can connect me with people from who knew me we can convince them this is really me. I know you’ve been passionate about helping people and making a difference and I think with this app, we can do that by finding an application for the software. My shares at the startup are worth $20,000. They’re yours now, the company will buy you out. Use that money to support yourself while we go on this adventure. You can text me anytime and I’ll message you every day to give you instructions on what you need to do. Your first job is to get a nice red dress because you will be celebrating Chinese New Year with my family.

JBug: Funny story… I already have the dress part covered. I technically shoplifted for the first time today.

JBoy: Don’t worry. You’re a lawyer whose fiancé just died. Use the insanity defense and do your best Wynona Ryder.

JBug: J, I’m not sure I can do this.

JBoy: Take your brother with you. I know Kaden has been dying to see the East Coast. And remember you’ll be going with me. I’ll be there every step of the way to guide you through it all. The train leaves next Friday.