It Was The Merlot!

She strayed or drifted for just a just a moment in time... and then, all of a sudden, in a split second flash of complete enlightenment of her own heart's desires, she ultimately chose to stay.

Then, she took a left turn. Just like that. All with a glass of the most ever deep red merlot in her hand. Redder and darker than most.

However, merlot was not her absolute favorite red wine of all time. "Merlot? I thought I ordered a pinot noir? This tastes like merlot.", she thought to herself.

And then she just couldn't believe her very own, pretty ears, to hear him say what he said out loud to her from across the room!

What he actually chose to say out loud to her, in front of the whole public crowd, that had mysteriously been watching them, and curiously overly eager too, to hear the absolute mysterious communication between them, which was somehow unspoken for the most part, but so very powerfully attractive.

The crowd of the curious had begun to gather around them now, at this very strange and delicate moment. And it was not so much really a dreamy moment, or anything that seemed foreign or out of the norm for their ever so lovely, first dream date together. It was just one moment that they do not really care to like to remember when they think back on it. So to speak.

However, all in the blink of an eye, quicker than a bolt of lightening, something happened that would change them forever. A dream date moment, turned night mare date moment, that happened in the blink of an eye, faster than a lightening bolt and changed everything forever.

Two happy, beautiful heart and soul people, connected in a feeling of love felt so very deeply, that they realized they had both never ever, truly felt it or this kind of love ever before. And on top of all of that, they were both also feeling and experiencing the dreamy, almost ecstatic feelings of true attraction, passion, love, companionship, friendship, fun and romance each of them had always longed for.

It had began dreamy enough. More than most could ever or even fathom to dream. At least, that is how it felt (and still does to this actual day in fact), for the actual both of them. However, it turned into something even more dreamier than they, or one for that matter, could ever imagine or dream all on their own.

Yet, this dreamier than most any other dream date one could ever possibly imagine happening, that actually happened, also included, unbeknownst to them or anyone else at the actual time, would have the ultimate true price of a real life nightmare to pay.

Because this dreamy of dreamiest dates and actual love story of these two very sweet, yet extremely naive and rebellious souls, only came true, after the nightmare in between the beginning and the actual end of this ever so lovely, yet madly and insanely, deeply in love, dreamy, dream date lover's story.

The date itself, was more of a nightmare, than an actual dream. However, if it were not for this dream date turned nightmare, and then eventually best ever ultimate dream date lover love story ever of all time... well then, this story would not be quite as dreamy, fascinating or interesting enough to recount or tell to you.

And so, here we go.

It's a story of true, almost maddening, insanely deep and beautiful love. One that cannot be written in just one simple story. With only a small, mere combination of so many words on a page or even multiple pages. No. This love story truly never ends. And it has no ending, and no true beginning either. This is a story within a story. A glimpse into one, ultimate lover couples, ever so long and vibrant, truthful, honest, pure and un pure at times, resilient, ever enduring, ever lasting, ever beautiful true life love story of one true love couple.

It, like most love stories, is filled of course, full of laughter and tears. Joy and pain. Heartbreak and healing. An ultimate rejuvenating, inspiring true love and story so deep, no one but the strongest of ultimate hearts could ever relate to it's deeply passionate effects. Or endless stories within stories. Nope. Only the strongest of the ultimate true heart lover's could ever understand, thrive and then continue growing together in such a deeply and fully inspired and passionate, intimate and romantic relationship or partnership. It's one for the ultimate lover's history or herstory books!

These two, Tom and Eliza, are one of those couples that most see and witness and would hope to aspire to find and become themselves. With their own person or partner, in terms of romantic relationships, partnerships and also, creative, artistic, authentically fun friendships or relationships.

Most, I assume, wish to experience this type of love.

However, once one has said yes to this ultimate love experience for themselves, and then also chooses as well, to then drink from the ultimate chalice of their own true heart's desire's of their own kind of perfect love, there is truly, honestly, no going back.

To drink and experience love's intoxicating natural high and vibrant essence in your own heart, mind and body is something that cannot be described. Nothing can even compare to it. The type of love feeling is only one that can, and will truly only can, experience from their very own, ultimate chalice of True Love.

There is no going back.

So, with her heart making all of the right decisions this time and every time, choosing what she ultimately believed was right and best for her, she chose right there in that one, very fine moment of dreamy, realistic true love, to stay, despite her fears telling her otherwise.

Eliza had a new, oh so very new and fun man, and eventually boyfriend, named Tom, treating her to one, very fine and lovely first dream date. And Tom certainly didn't believe in her upmost obsession and desire for only red wine. Certainly not merlot. "Didn't she like pinot noir?" he thought to himself. "Ahhh! That is what she's doing. Exchanging her wine."

"I mean come on now Betty Boop!", he shouted across the crowed room, as she went to order the glass of pinot noir and handed back the mistaken merlot. He was known to tease her often. And had said this to her ever so lovingly from time to time. She did like him and his very sweet teasing of her, especially when no one else was around to hear it.

But, she knew what he was up to. What he was doing teasing her like that in front of everyone. He knew also, that she didn't really care for the "Betty Boop" statement as much as the other teases he used to be charmingly cute and devilish at the same time. He was irresistible to her. And her to him. And that is exactly why he chose to tease her with it. It was all usually very sweet, however, in front of everyone that night, with a bit of red wine inside the two of them, (merlot to be exact), she knew the love she was feeling between them deepen or expand in a way she could not describe or explain to herself. And it was either going to be their ultimate dream come true moving forward, or, their ultimate nightmare in the making, in a way there was no coming back from.

For a small, brief moment she felt the fear only true love knows. Is this love worth taking a chance on? Is this love? "No fear. Not this time." she thought to herself. He was making his feelings known nonchalantly, right there in front of everyone to her! And there was no going back.

This time she had truly gone too far. Was she truly ready for this? She kept wondering if she was just making it all up in her head, or if the way she felt was really, truly real. And if it wasn't, what was she doing there with him?

The madness stirring inside her sweet, beautiful mind and her ever so very pleasant body full of emotional feelings too, was almost just beyond her breaking point of going completely, madly, insanely, deeply in love with him. With Tom. This gorgeous, handsome devilish in all the best ways, man of mystery and handsome style and flair that she just could not resist.

And she just could also not bare the thought, of even the very smallest, slightest notion, that this deep of love could ever have any pain or hurt and the effect it could have on her. The smallest, even tiniest idea or even tiniest sliver of feeling of love and then, it's then complete opposite counterpart of devastating heartbreak and emotional pain, would ultimately be just too much for this one girl, who always found that she herself, just could not help simply falling in love ever so deeply.

Because she always figured,

"What's the true point of actually falling in love with someone if it's not all the way completely, madly, deeply in love? I mean truly, what would be the ultimate point if the only true end in sight or anything to remotely look forward to, would end up ultimately meaning being in complete pain and heartbreak? And all of that? For what? For what would seem and feel like years and years upon endless years of true and utter, horrible, nasty, yucky, awful heartbreak! I mean, no thank you very much kind sir. I do like you very much. A bit too much if you or someone else honestly asked me. A bit too much indeed. Agreed. However, I refuse, simply refuse to ever fall madly, insanely in love with you okay? Because falling in love with you instead of...

Oh what's the use anyway? So I can just go along in my own, very solo sad way, and never want to look back wondering if all I really did, was make too many mistakes in love? Why would I do this to myself? Why deny myself or even him the chance to discover love deepening between us. Why is this so terrifying?! To be given this very beautiful chance to love him and feel so loved by him? I deserve this. He deserves this. I will be okay. I will be alright, right? That I might actually for the very first time in my life, be actually madly, insanely and deeply in love with the oh so very right man for me, for the very first time in my whole entire life and lifetime. Because how else could I have all of these amazing, strong and attractive feelings for him if he was the so called wrong guy anyway? How could he be wrong for me, when he feels so right?

But what if he is the wrong guy or an even wronger guy than my last guy? Just to play devil's advocate, or feel free to call them my friends! LOL... here for a moment... Because my girlfriends told me, and repeat to me often... they say, "Eliza. You always, and we do mean always, just seem to just, ya know... fall madly, insanely in love with the oh so very wrong kinda guys. I mean, we mean... the guys you date or seem to ever be so attracted to, all seem to vanish or even disappear after about a year or maybe even two or three, for a couple of them. However, that is besides the actual point. When are you Eliza, going to just simply meet and then actually settle down with a someone "nice"? Someone who wants to stay with you? Some who really sees you like you are? Ya know... it takes one to know one? A nice fella or guy who just simply adores you for just being you? Maybe try writing down the qualities and desires you have for a nice guy. Ya know, write down your intentions and dreams in a journal, so he manifests magically for you."

And then I say something like this in return, 'Thanks. I'll try that.'

And then my sarcastic brain has something to say silently to me. I love my friends truly, it's just they do not always understand my true passionate, lover heart.

Sarcastic brain speaks: If you could also remind me, from time to time, to actually write that idea down first in my ever so lovely random musings thought/idea book about love and a dream lover man too okay? That would be great. Just in case I do not ever want to forget how really truly stupid I can be sometimes. That I have to remind myself about what kind of man or even partner or actual friend I need to have in my life. As in the "right" one or something, as if that's even a real or true reality. Because we're all people are we not? I mean, how do you tell one guy from the next? What kind of guy he's ultimately going to be? And who ever says good things come in actual three's, never really met me! LOL... Yeah um, I am truly honored to have such great friends. However ladies, whomever lucky gentlemen or gentleman is more like it, that I actually date and then ultimately choose to stay absolutely committed to, is ultimately my own ultimate choice to make, okay? And, if I want to marry someone or just simple date him forever, that is between him and I. And that is all that truly matters to me. Okay ladies? Capiche? Love you.'

Love those ladies, but seriously, who has time to just jot down true love inspired notes down in their own personal reminder men's or even woman's personal notebook of love all of the time? Hey, I know it's like a super popular thing now a days, to just lay around half dressed, (or even naked I guess, from what I've heard through some random grapevines... anyways...) all day and even night too, to write or even sing and play a little love tune or song or write and speak poetry all day long, or create and make art around love inspired ideas and beautiful passions to bring them to life, all day long in my own... I mean other people... Other people, all day long, laying around probably in their oh so very cute and sweet and sexy under wears, (if they even wear them at all... some probably just wear those, um yeah, cover up robes or silk pj's that look like a blanket thingy. You just simply wrap it around your body, cute little body like a little or somewhat bigger and longer than you gown just to feel good nowadays....lol) back to the actual story! LOL..."

I was saying to myself, "Simply walk out the door Eliza."

I was listening and talking silently to myself in my head. I mean, I didn't actually say it or all of this out loud or anything crazy like that. That would make me look like a real life lunatic, crazy lady and I do not think or believe that would ever help me or my said chances with a true love man or anyone really.

I was saying, "Just walk out of the dear god bar, this merlot is coming home with me, and that's it. Don't take your chances on this one because he is really way too irresistible to ever truly say no to and if I take one more step in his ultimate direction, there will be absolutely no going back for me. No. Nope. Not going to do it.

I mean, I'd be crazy to just simply walk away and also I would be so absolutely crazy to stay right here, right now, because... well, um, just look at him! Feel him! Oh to feel him... oh my god. Oh my goodness! All goodness sakes alive. I do feel him. And he always feels oh so very too good to be, ever be, truly mine. Because he just always feels so very good to me.

And no one, I mean no one ever, has ever felt all good to me. One hundred percent I mean. I mean, sometimes or like what used to be, was maybe only five percent good, ninety five percent not so good. I mean not bad necessarily. But not exactly good for me personally. And so I just need to ultimately know if this guy... this oh so very handsome and extremely, oh so very extremely sexy man, gentleman, most handsome guy man I've ever actually ever seen or actually ever experienced anything close to heaven with him, err, I mean anyone... oh dear goddess!

Dear God, Please help me decide if I should stay, go or just leave completely and if I ultimately choose to stay or go or leave completely, how will I ever know if it or him and I were ever meant to be for me? I mean, what if he says he wants forever with me and then I go and get all my hopes and fears and wishes up, er, I mean not fears, dreams... oh dear goddess, I think I just simply fell again.

In love for the first time ever, with him, because truly, those other five percenters got nothing on him. I mean, I must have been delusional to ever actually believe I was in love with those jerks. Those slovenly a-holes! If you catch my actual drift. I mean, they were so absolutely upsetting to me. Never complimented me truly or even ever just wanted to hang out with me or even just appreciate me in the slightest, tiniest bits, and now... here stands a guy, Tom, and I just can't seem to wrap my head, and now even my very own heart and soul, around how I could ever actually choose or even actually ever decide if i should or should not even or ever truly make an actual decision about Tom.

Because honestly, truthfully and truly, I simply love and adore him no matter what. No matter if he truly wanted to be with me again or not. All I know, is at this particular now moment in time, he, Tom, wants to truly be with me. Just me. And just him. And that does seem pretty special. Pretty amazing. Pretty lovely. And I could see us down the road of life actually, just doing what we ultimately do best together.

Which is have some fun. Have some good laughs. Good food. Good drink. Good creativity. Good playing. Good jokes and kisses and hugs. And then good smooches too and feeling each other all over our said naked bodes of ultimate lust and desire and passionate, raw and real loving or love making, - which I won't dare speak about, not even privately here, because, uh hum ladies... a "good girl" never speaks about such private matters with anyone. At least I never would. I am most certainly not that kind of girl.

So anyways, back to my dream date story about me, Eliza, and a man named Tom, whom I am calling my boyfriend actually currently, and how I ever so foolishly almost spit out my wine and own true hearts love desires for fear, ordered myself one too many glasses of wine, and almost took it too far.

As I was placing my next order of red wine, pinot noir to be exact, I was wondering to myself and thinking "Why did my wine taste like merlot, when I ordered a pinot noir? The waiter must have mixed up my order. And why didn't I say anything? I could have simply asked the waiter to correct my order. Because pinot noir is my ultimate favorite red wine, not merlot. However, I din't want to make a fuss about it, and after all, I was enjoying myself quite well with Tom.

He was ever so dreamy just as he was. Just himself. So any and every time I spent with him, always felt like a lovely dream. And that did explain the oh so very noticeable change in me and my behavior that night, especially as I recount or retell the story. I can't blame the merlot necessarily, however, I know it had something to do with that merlot that brought my own fears to light. Like they were buried deep within me unknowingly. Thinking it was just me the whole time that was actually thinking I wanted to break up with or end things with the actual best boyfriend, lover, friend, confidant, partner, potential relationship I had ever found myself in.

It was not like me to feel this much fear when it came to love. Or anyone for that actual matter. And it did give me a whole new perspective or lesson in drinking responsibly. Different elixirs do have different effects on us from what I learned after my ultimate dream date night. Thanks a lot merlot! Lol... And actually, looking back, it's not such a bad thing to discover unknown fears within us. It may have actually been what led to a deepening together, we may not or would have never known or quite experienced otherwise.

"Always do be careful" my mama used to say to me all of the time. And ya know what? She was and is absolutely right. Sometimes, okay always, you've got to give credit where and to whom, credit is due. And mom's always do seem to know somehow and in some very peculiar ways, what feels right and what does not. She always did know and share good wisdom about elixirs and love, and truly always gave it to me straight.

I mean, we are human after all, and do love to indulge in our senses from time to time. Enjoying the intoxicating effects of loosening up or letting our hair down from time to time. No harm in that, 'just know yourself' she would say. "Know your limits and right combinations. Moderation is key."

And if my mama was here with me now... truly, honestly and truthfully, she would simply tell me to ultimately always, and I do mean always, "Listen to the feelings in your very own heart. Your very own feelings of love in your very own heart my dear beautiful daughter, and they will never steer you in the wrong direction. Just forward. Straight, left or right. Because fear only lives in the actual rear! Caboose. Lol... And only actually in the mind. Only in the thoughts that are not truly yours or meant to be yours. You are not actually going backward or the wrong direction. You are actually moving forward toward your ultimate, worthy, beautiful destiny, and only your true heart's desires anyways. And you always are. Listen to and trust the feelings, words and thoughts of your very own heart and soul. Always. Forever."

Mom's just know. "Mama. If your out there, and you can hear this, hear me now... and just know I love you. And thank you also for simply being you and loving me unconditionally for being me, the way in which you do. Your the best."

I always think or feel I hear her say through my heart, "I love you too dear darling, beautiful daughter of mine." Even though she never really said it to me just like that in real life, it was or is the feeling of her sweet, motherly love that always just seemed to or seems to, just show up at all of the right, and sometimes left, moments of my life. When I truly need it.

Like right then, in that ever so fateful moment of true love's dreamiest dream date, and of true love's dreamiest, deepest desires becoming true and realized...

Eliza chose to turn left and...

SMACK!

To be ultimately continued...