it's okay to be single.

Translation to the image: "Almost 2 million women in the states of Selangor and Johor are unmarried."

NB: Selangor and Johor are two of the States in Malaysia.

Many women were offended (including me). That tweet caught a lot of attention as it only focused on women being single and not getting 'hitched' yet. It saddens me when a woman's worth is only measured by her ability to be 'wedded' and 'belonged to somebody'. It's even more condescending when a man labels a woman's worth based on her fertility. Please respect a woman for whatever decision she has made for her body. Not every woman wants to bear a child, not every woman wants marriage. What society has failed to understand is to comprehend and get rid of the ridiculous standards set on women for centuries.

The stigma society has put on single women who have aged above 25 years old are misogynistic to me. This is where people say you can't compare a man to a woman in this facade because women have to bear the child not men. Yeah, it's common sense but to reiterate what I've mentioned before, a woman's worth shouldn't be labelled on her fertility. Women can bear and give birth to a child, but every human is given a choice. If you're not a woman, stop deciding what we want to do with our bodies. It's that simple.

Before going on further, this post is not solely on lifting up all the single women, but also to cover all the single men out there! Going by the title, it is actually okay to be single (although you feel super old).

I've been single for 3 years and that's an achievement! Not embarrassed of it instead I'm very proud of myself. My last relationship taught me a lot of lessons despite being one of my biggest downfall of all the downfalls (I've had a fair share amount of rock bottom moments but we are not here to discuss that). Through all of those years up to now, I am able to sit down and reflect a lot of things. What went wrong, what I lack and what I can do to fix it.

Not being the constant giver

I learned that I am a person who cares a lot about the people I love. Sometimes, it can be too much and that's where I don't know how to cross the line. I've heard this before. "Find a man who loves you more than you love him". I think that statement is more of a safety precaution in relationships. To not be left behind and alone. But, this seems wrong to me. You got to find someone who's willing to give the same amount of energy like you will. This is where you have to learn your worth. If someone doesn't know how to appreciate you and give you reassurance, perhaps start questioning. You give too much, they keep on taking. But they never, try to give back. It took me a lot of courage to leave an old relationship behind because I was blinded by unrequited love. Our energy were not reciprocal nor equal. It took me for a relationship to be over to realize these things. This also applies to friendships by the way.

Learn to read yourself

Ever heard of hobbies or passion? I started coming out of my shell after everything. Trying to fill that void in me I've had all along way before I got into any sort of relationship. I'm saying that I've had personal struggles since I was young. So, not working on myself since the beginning itself isn't gonna help me any further into putting that messy load on another. We have to accept that we aren't all perfect but that's not an excuse to not work on yourself. I learned that I am too damaged to be loving another person. I don't even love myself and that's what I'm still trying to do. I reflected that sometimes the things I do or say can be unpretty too and I have to learn a sense of self-control. I picked up a lot of my longtime hobbies, music and writing. I learned how to write daily journal. As each day goes by, I can look at things in a more positive manner now. It was impossible back then but changes can happen when you try and least expect it.

More 'me time'

You're able to enjoy yourself alone. You'll learn to do things alone. Being alone should not be associated with negativity. Like, calling someone lonely, having no friends, it seems sad. No, it's not. Sometimes people need to learn to be alone and independent so that one can cope not to be lonely. Especially if you're an introverted person. It's how you recharge your energy to go through another socializing episode. We enjoy silence and not talking most times. Don't take that into offence. That explains why most introverts see their alone time as an enjoyable activity despite just sitting around doing nothing at home. This is where you adapt to not being codependent. Codependency can be a dangerous thing to hold on to because when you rely too much on someone to run simple errands, once that reason or person is gone, you'd feel really helpless.

Not the right timing

I've felt terrible just seeing my peers getting into committed, serious relationships. My constant thoughts are "Where do y'all find these kind, trustworthy,understanding partners?!". It's always a lost case for me. I felt like nobody found me even an inch of attractiveness. But, what I start to realize is timing plays a big part. It's powerful. I know getting into a relationship won't be anywhere near happiness and getting the burden off me. Looking at my current life situation, I'm juggling a lot of things at once. It's crazy to put another commitment to the list. Probably the universe hasn't worked out your way yet... for you to not meet anyone before the right one meets you. I personally don't look for love right now, it's not my life goal. But that's okay too.

To wrap it up, learn to feel the happiest with no one else but yourself. It's what will radiate the positive energy to others and the right one will see your light. Celebrate being single. Own it.

Happy International Women's Day, everyone! <3 (I mean, on Sunday March 8th).