It's not the Same

Attraction. Relationships. It's not the same anymore. The ways have changed.

I'll explain from my point of view because the frustrations have gotten to me about who doesn't listen to what my answer is. It's on deaf ears. I’m not speaking in an antagonist way against men, I do see the other side and I’m not a prudish feminist about that matter. It’s a neutral commentary about what I experienced.

Day in and day out I hear from various ladies about the following.

The boys are lined up at your door

Why don't you have a boyfriend

You just need to get out there

Your so pretty, I can’t imagine why you don’t have a boyfriend.

They are sweet comments because of my demeanor and appearance. I've had to explain over and over about the reality is that the boys aren't lined up to my door. I'm not what they want. Most men that I’ve encountered want “bohemian women”, nothing wrong with that but what I've been told what they describe, isn’t bohemian. T-shirt and jeans, that's not bohemian. I feel as if it’s a snide comment that it’s supposed to be a compliment but it’s an insult to those like me that have begun to take pride back in their self-esteem. I just don't like it when self-esteem is misinterpreted and misrepresented.

If I do take a spontaneous act and ask out mature young men then I get the "compliment sandwich" rejection. Which is basically telling a woman what is great about her in the rejection. It's happened many times to me and I'm numb to it at this point. It is a sweet gesture but it doesn’t have any comfort to me. There is no need for extra kindness to make the situation to his comfort. It's a nice gesture but the reality is that old-fashioned romance is just not held in the same regards. I have given notes to certain men I took a chance on, the note is looked at like a foreign object, and I just knew it was thrown away or the possibility that it just wasn't taken in a regard to respond.

I am “out there” I’m just not the woman most men want in relationship , just lusted in an inappropriate way. I dress maturely and sophisticated ,but the men aren’t lined up at my door, if some happen to come to my door , it’s the wrong kind of men. Older men about as old as my father. I don’t ask for it , but that’s my bizarre reality. The reality that old men lust after me and young men aren’t interested in me .The sad thing is that I’ve been told inappropriate comments by both sides of the generations. I don’t think that about every man, but it is a strange coincidence in some of the men I encounter that ends up condemning my self esteem. I know, that I'm not the only one that this has happened to.

In a way I have this high octane whenever I go out anywhere because of what I’ve had to face and endure, I am targeted to be hit on (usually by the same ones) and I don’t ask for it. I've already been in the habit of using my peripheral vision to see if anyone is looking at me in a uncomfortable way and pausing my music if I happen to catch something unnerving. The word 'no' or my obvious discomfort isn’t registered, even though I have put stuff in the chair nearby, it's picked up so they can sit even though I have reached over to grab my own items. Then proceed to tell me stuff I don't want to know with the ending of a possibility to "hang out". I get it that people like to take chances. But a chance has have some kind of proof, not forcing the proof in this chance.

I’m aware we live in a world where we have a to have a balance of being on guard but also having moments where we aren’t too intense over every little thing. But the balance is hard to maintain from frustration. And the usual answer of “that’s life” is a bland reassurance. If I try to explain anything of which I have said on here, it's interrupted and dismissed as, "That's life." It's not life, there should be more consideration when someone tries to explain what has upset them. It doesn't take much to try and understand or just listen. We've gotten far in understanding the discomfort in women, and I love that.

But we have to try harder.