It's Not Over
The end of a relationship does not mean the end of your life.
You feel alone... The worst part of being dumped is always the intense feeling of loneliness that goes alongside of it. Heartbreak has always been a feeling powerful enough to drive people to do ridiculous things, from the battle of troy in Greek mythology to the horrifying stabbing at Coral Gables Senior High in 2009. The reality of how powerful a broken heart can be, has made echos throughout the entire history of mankind. We find ourselves, under these circumstances, behaving differently then we normally would. Doing things we would not normally ever do, usually quick with little or no thinking involved. Love can indeed make you crazy...
The first time I felt the weight of a broken heart was in high school. An old girlfriend had just dumped me and I remember feeling so crushed I couldn't even muster up enough concentration to work on the assignment for the day. It was like my heart was processing so much that my mind completely gave up on accomplishing anything else. They say as you get older it gets easier but I am here to inform you that it is not. If anything the case is actually the opposite from what we have been led to believe. When you're married, raising a daughter, the last thing you ever expect to deal with is that sick feeling you get in your stomach when someone you love has wronged you. When the person turns out to be your wife... your life partner... It's a pain I would not wish upon my worst enemy.
The emotions come and go in phases, cycling over and over, until you eventually grow numb to it. The first two are anger and sadness and they usually arrive hand in hand, two halves to one whole. No matter how much you fight the urge to cry, the tears break through the trenches that are your eyes and slide down your face. A pain emerges in your chest, a pain so unbearable some say it can actually lead to a heart attack. Then there is this rage... initially just pure hatred towards the person who wronged you and anyone else involved. You need to understand that these feelings are important, as intense as they are to deal with, how you deal with them can literally make or break the rest of your life. Take Romeo and Juliet into consideration. Although it was a work of fiction, Shakespeare was accurate in the portrayal of how these emotions can corrupt our judgment. Both characters were so heavily impacted by the loss of their loved ones at such a young age, that they both reacted without thinking and took their own lives. If you need a more realistic scenario, for instance, think back to the young man at Coral Gables Senior High almost a decade ago. A broken heart made one young man literally murder another young man over the love of an unfaithful girl. If that young man could turn back time and rethink his actions I guarantee you he would.
The good thing about reality is it does not have to end like a Shakespeare play... It might seem like life is over and everything, including the air you're breathing in at this very moment, feels like absolute crap. But if you can maintain the proper mentality, you can use those emotions and all the power beneath them to your own advantage. Rey Lewis said it best: "The only way to defeat pain is to recognize that it exists." That pain you're feeling because your husband is having an affair or your wife has left you for someone else... Use that, build on it, remember it and get to work. The only person that is going to sit around continuously feeling sorry for you is you. Everyone else is going to move on with their life as if nothing had ever happened.
It's not over... Not until death knocks on your door. Find a reason to move forward and keep moving. For me, it was my daughter who gave me that extra sense of purpose. I had no time to feel bad for myself because I knew at that specific moment she would need me probably more then ever. Find something, anything that is bigger than yourself, and get going. One day at a time if you have to, usually that is the best approach. A step at at time, one foot in front of the other, as long as you keep moving forward. Most importantly, whenever you find the patience to, analyze the relationship from every angle. What went right and what went wrong, what you could have done differently, and what was beyond your control. This is a key part of the process because if you fail to change your own habits before your next big relationship, you may find yourself in the same position. The very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again whilst anticipating an alternative result. Which gives weight to the notion that love can literally drive you crazy.
Anyone who has ever had a heart has most likely, at one point or another, had it broken. Although it feels like your entire world is crashing down on you and it isn't clear on how exactly things are going to pan out. I am living proof that there is more to life then what was behind you. If you work for it, the current circumstances eventually will improve over time. Time heals all wounds...