It's Good When Your Lover Farts

It's good to be in love and new love is filled with excitement, anticipation, and promise. It's also filled with things that older love isn't, like insecurity, uncertainty, and mistrust. We've all been there…right?

At first, you want to know the real person inside that other person in your bed. I've literally had girls tell me not to look when they wake up, running off to the bathroom to fix their faces, their hair, or use mouthwash. Considering the night we just had, a nice cup of coffee would keep my interest no matter how she looks. Then, they come prancing back out, looking like a playful little minx, and ready for the inevitable chit-chat. Ah, those early days in relationships, before all the pesky insecurities, nerves, and jealousies set into us. It doesn't last long. 

After a while, you start to become more comfortable, content, and secure that your newfound soulmate is less likely to leave you than you fear them to be. Sure, it might take you a few months to get to the point I'm talking about it, but isn't it worth the effort? You've earned that place in their heart, even though your insecurities might still cause your "spidey-sense" to tingle from time to time. They're also more comfortable around you, opening up emotionally, being more open physically, and you're getting to know the person you're rapidly spiraling into falling in love with. 

Date night is still romantic. He still plans candle-lit meals, brings you a flower without reason, and kisses you goodbye before heading out to work. He still holds you tightly when he first sees you after those longer absences, brags about you to his friends, and has started leaving his cellphone out where you can pick it up and look at it without him freaking out.

You'll really know that you've got him by the jewels when he performs the ultimate sign of comfort around you. When your man is so secure in the relationship, so secure in your love for him, and so into you that he can't see himself with another woman, ever again, you'll know it. Because, let's face facts ladies, all guys are looking for that best friend and lover scenario. Well, maybe not, but there are guys looking for exactly what I just described. 

When you're officially in that place where you've become both, he'll be less worried about having to get up and leave the room to fart. Sure, maybe he should, but he won't be freaked out about ripping one off with you in the room. You may be curled up beneath your favorite blanket when the couch vibrates, or that spicey dinner you enjoyed hours ago revisits you from the southern hemisphere. When you're just hanging out and both of you are playing on your phones, and that noise is accompanied by something measured on the Richter scale, you'll know that he'll be there forever, and you can stop worrying about who he's texting, who he's talking to, or why he's late coming home more often and hasn't mentioned things at work.

So, as much as your nasal passages may disagree, when your significant other is busting ass around you without suddenly walking out of the room mid-sentence, you're likely to be together until the question of "putting a ring on it," starts to create panic and chaos in your relationship. In the meantime, you and your new mate will have hours of reckless laughter to enjoy, as the couch is vibrating, your holding your noses, and the sounds and vibrations had nothing to do with her overpowered sex-toy that she has been keeping hidden in the living room.