It's always the quiet ones..

I was 29 years old when I met the person who would completely change my life, and not in the best of ways. I thought I had gotten lucky because of this sudden burst of love with someone I thought was the best person ever. Boy was I wrong about this one. I have made some mistakes in my life, however I think this one is the icing and cherry on the cake. This one was my biggest lesson and heartbreak all at once. This one is the one I will never be able to forget because it was the mistake that completely destroyed who I was.

I met him in September of 2015, at work. I had started a week before him and I got unlucky by chance that I had to help him get settled in for his start of the day before I got to clock out and finally go home. I groaned internally and thought maybe I would be able to rush through everything and race out of that place. I knew my heart was stolen the moment he smiled at me and said ''Nice to meet you.''. Yup take my heart. I wouldn't know it until years later that he held my heart in his hands, but I also didn't care once I was in it with him. Looking back I kick myself because all the signs were there and even I would say he wasn't for me. But I was young, okay not young but young enough that I was stupid and still believed in fairy tales.

He always came in to work at night and the end of my good friends shift so I always ended up seeing him. For the first few weeks I never stayed behind after my friend left until one night he spoke to me asking some stupid stuff like how my day had been and how come I always rush off when he shows up. I remember so clearly that first night with him. He just stood there behind the counter at work and smiled after he asked. Because I didn't know him, I wasn't going to stick around. And that was exactly what I told him. Then I heard his laugh and I was stuck. He was shy, but he was also the kind of guy who went for what he wanted. He was someone who could convince you the sky was purple not blue and you would believe him because he was just that darn convincing. Again I still believed in fairy tales.. Then he asked if I could come stay later the following night and keep him company, to which I agreed even though I had no idea why. Or maybe I did. I knew this was going to end badly and I was okay with it. I was playing with fire and I liked it.. I wish I would have ran in the other direction instead.

I went the next night and low and behold he played his little cat and mouse game to which I was more than willing to be chased and to do some chasing of my own. My mistake. We talked all night until our boss was supposed to come in for their shift. I agreed again and was actually excited because we had so much in common. We did that every night for a few weeks. Man did I hate the next morning because I would have to go without sleeping before my shift, but goodness I didn't care! He was totally worth it at that point. Even though I still had alarms blaring in my brain the whole time. Oh well... I was invested by this time.

Weeks turned into a month that we had been hanging out every single day, if he wasn't at work then he was at my house hanging out with me and vice versa. It was good, and when I say that I mean when it was good, it was REALLY good. Until it wasn't anymore.. By the time I truly realized and opened my eyes to what was happening it was already too late. I was so far deep in it that I didn't want to leave. He made me believe he loved me and that he was the one for me. As I was supposed to be the one for him. Months turned into almost 4 years together. He was sly about the abuse. First it started off small, mentally making me question myself and my doubts. Then it went to emotionally, then verbally until it slid in real fast to physically. I could handle the jokes about me and other things he would say. I made excuses and told myself he really loved me even though I knew that's all they were... It was one sided after a year and a half, but I had still believed that fairy tales and prince charming was him. Until the day he punched me over and over again. That's when I knew I allowed it to go too far. I kicked myself silently after that while I was packing my things up. For the first week I bawled and just kept asking myself why I allowed this to happen when I have never been this kind of person. But the damage was done, I had let a man break me so far past the point of repair that I sat on my bedroom floor crying because all I wanted was for him to come back. All I could do was remember the person I had became friends with on that fateful night.

He broke my heart yes but most of all he broke my soul. It will be 2 years in March and it took more than half of that to fix, heal, and mend both my mind and heart. Plenty of tears and over thinking got me to the place I am at now. Now I look back and know that I will never allow myself to be in that situation again because I learned from my biggest mistake of my life. I learned that I am worth so much more than only be cared for and needed because they can't be alone.

I am better than that and I know that now..