It’s Alright if Your Relationship Didn’t End Amicably

It has become what I call a great achievement to end a relationship amicably.

When a once wonderful relationship begins to quake, the creators would start having different ideas and plans. One person might be thinking of how to ameliorate the crisis, save the relationship, or at least end it amicably. While the other would be determined to walk away at all cost.

It depends on what the relationship has turned them into and the outside forces that are shaping the next phase of their lives.

A friend of mine spent months trying to create a perfect end for her two years old relationship. But she ended up getting hurt because what she was trying to create had already taken the form it chooses. All the wasted time and effort to achieve an amicable end caused her to exit the relationship with extra emotional pains.

The truth is, no one is in control of what happens next once the love boat starts to shake vigorously...You can receive the final message or call without knowing that it’s the final one. Your ex might never want to set eyes on you again. The person you were once in love with changes to someone else, turned into a human ghost, and vanishes from your presence forever.

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Someday You’d Accept How Your Relationship Ended.

“Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You’re aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus or is boarding a different ship, and you just can’t be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn’t be.” — C. JoyBell C.

Some people don’t care how their relationship ends. All they want is to move on with their lives. While some would be stuck in a finished relationship by trying to end it amicably. Or maybe fix it. By so doing, they forget to focus on what’s more important which is to finalize and actualize the deserving end.

It’s no doubt a great achievement for what was once a loving relationship to end amicably. Because after years or months of having nice experiences together, the least anyone can hope to get from a collapsing relationship is a peaceful end. That way, whenever you remember your ex, you appreciate the respect that was accorded to you during the last days of the relationship.

But if for any reason, an amicable end becomes unattainable as in the case of many relationships, then you have to focus on what’s more important which is to end it and move on. With time you’d accept the unacceptable way it ended even though it hurt so much. You’d at this point understand that it ended the way it did because that’s the only way to achieve that deserving end.

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Are there some lessons from the experience?

What matters is what the relationship meant to you. The experience might be so terrible that you can’t identify what you gleaned from it… Nevertheless, it’s your experience. There are reasons why you had the experience. And you certainly have learned a lot even though you mightn’t know it yet.

Everyone learns a lot of lessons from a terrible relationship. You’d through these lessons understand that the terrible relationship didn’t leave you without some gifts. It’s from there that you’re going to see yourself making some choices you couldn’t have made if not for what you went through.

Learning from the past becomes possible when you want to learn from it. You’d identify the lessons from your mistakes after taking some time to reflect.

Therefore make a deliberate effort to reflect. Ask yourself whether there’s any aspect of it that has impacted some wisdom into your life? And if there’s one thing you can pick from the experience to help you make better choices and create a wonderful experience in the future.

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Conclusion

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.” — Mandy Hale,

You can draw strength from a collapsed relationship by redirecting your focus and energy to yourself. See it as an opportunity to work on your goals and improve yourself. Step into unfamiliar territories and produce new results in your life.

Ending it nicely is the desire of most people, but that won’t always happen because it’s not something only one person can determine.

The end of a thing ushers the birth of a new one. It redirects everyone to look inwardly — and to commence a new journey of self-discovery and self-love.

This story was previously published on medium by the same author.