It's a Process

by Arunima Mittal 6 months ago in breakups

But you'll get there.

Heartbreak is intense. It physically hurts. Telling your story to others and having them make you feel better only works to an extent, even if they're your best friend, your mom, or your "person." In those times, you have to be your own person. Your happiness is in your own hands. Of course, those "101 Things To Make Yourself Happy" articles don't work right from the next day, but there will come a point where you take charge of your own happiness and make a conscious effort to give yourself the life you deserve. So your relationship didn't work out—it shouldn't hold you down forever. Breakups are meant to be freeing. They're supposed to make you find your hidden potential, at least according to social media and literally every celebrity who goes through a breakup. But you don't see the endless hours those same celebrities cried before they hit the gym to form those abs, or before they went out and explored their potential or tried new things. It's okay to be upset, it's okay to cry. Heartbreak is not metaphorical. You can actually feel your heart stop for a second and shatter. Thinking about those memories can take a toll on your mental and emotional health more than you realize in that moment. Some people can move on within weeks, while others may take years. But everyone gets there. It's a healing process. Some wounds heal faster than others. Some are deeper than others. But they all heal. They may leave a scar which reminds you of each day you spent crying over the wound, every moment of pain you experienced, but the important thing is that it has healed and the scar will fade with time.


They enter your lives in the most random ways and somehow you end up falling in love with them even if you told yourself they'd be the last person you would want to date. They break down your walls and understand you more than anyone has even cared to. They're your safe place, your person. There's nothing you wouldn't tell them. The amount of love and trust you have in that relationship goes beyond what you share with your best friends of ten years. It's instant, it's deep, it's passionate. Just looking at their face can make you smile even if you're mad. You pick up on their vocabulary. You can ugly cry in front of them without giving it a second thought. You can let them in on your secrets or hell, even your family's secrets, just weeks after you've started talking to them. Like I said, there's nothing you wouldn't tell them. Seeing them for ten minutes at the end of the day and hugging them for nine of those is all you need to get through the next day. Everything is perfect, life's good. Sure, you fight with your friends and mom almost every day because they don't approve of your choice, but it all seems so worth it.

Then there comes a point where everything changes. Heartbreak kicks in and it gets ugly. You wonder why it happened to you, what you did to deserve what happened. The lies, the manipulation, the guilt trips, the toxicity—everything just kind of hits you all at once. You didn't see any of it when you were blinded by love but a little bit of truth gives you a completely different perspective and sets your priorities straight. YOU are your priority. There is absolutely nothing or nobody who should be treated better than you would treat yourself. You have one life and you need to make the most of it. That doesn't mean you spend the rest of your life partying or traveling or working so hard that you burn out. It's about achieving the balance that suits you. Balance doesn't mean being able to do everything—working hard, being healthy, having a social life, and getting sleep. A balanced life is personal to each individual depending on what their priorities are in life. But what's most important is taking care of your mental, emotional, and physical health. It takes time to recover from heartbreak. You question everything about the relationship, you question them, you question yourself. It can get really depressing. And a cherry on the top is watching them move on with their life with someone else, while you're still trying to wrap your head around what happened. You want to be the bigger person, the mature one, the one who can play it cool. But internally you're screaming and you want them to know the kind of pain they have caused you because they have absolutely no realization. You don't wish them that kind of pain but you need them to know what they did and take responsibility for their actions. You need an honest and genuine apology. You need one single conversation that is free from lies and manipulation and guilt trips and toxicity. One simple conversation where no one loses their voice shouting. You deserve that. But life isn't fair and some of us don't get those conversations and that makes it that much harder to get closure and try to move on. But that doesn't mean you'll sit and sulk about it for years. Let it go. Let them go. For your own peace of mind. It's only holding you down. You have a ton of untapped potential. TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE. Do things that make you happy. Don't do those 101 things all in one day. Find 50 or even 20 of those which you will genuinely enjoy. I know it's easier said than done. I don't even have the patience to read through those 101 things. But no one can help you but yourself. It may take months before you start putting in conscious effort into making yourself happy instead of being dependent on someone else to do that for you, but once you do start, I promise you that the smallest effort you put in will feel so great. You will feel empowered and self sufficient and that, that feeling right there is enough to push you to continue doing things for yourself the next day, and the day after that, and so on. So go read a book, walk in the park, do the clichéd stuff or something different, doesn't matter as long as it's making you happy. It won't happen overnight or even over a month maybe, but you'll get there. Wounds heal best when not hurried.

Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Arunima Mittal

20 year old gal just trying something out. Would appreciate your support! 

See all posts by Arunima Mittal