Is This Your Decision or Someone Else’s Influence?

Let’s talk about decisions today…

Decisions are an important part of our lives – without them, life would not truly exist. We make decisions every day, from the smallest things to the biggest choices.

You must have heard about the power of information and suggestions. And on the basis of suggestions we take our decisions, which creates our destiny. Suggestions can be found in many forms such as autosuggestion in which we give suggestions to ourselves, Other times we take our decisions by taking suggestions from people.

Earlier, I mentioned that we create our own destiny. But how?

Let me explain…

These days we are so busy in our life that we do not get time for ourselves. Understanding ourselves becomes just as difficult as we find it easy to understand others. And that is the reason we get confused about the things in life.

This is my personal experience too. For the past few days, I was feeling very confused about many things in my life. I always wished someone would help me, guide me, and tell me what is right and wrong. I wanted someone to be with me. I used to think a lot and couldn’t decide even the smallest things on my own. Whether it was about friends, family or colleagues, I felt I had to ask others to make decisions for me. I used to overthink everything and couldn’t make even the smallest decisions by myself. It felt like I always needed someone else—whether it was my friends, family to decide for me. And I know it’s not just me – many of us feel the same. We often seek confirmation from others, we want someone to guide us from our side, and this makes us feel good and happy.

Sometimes, we even mistake this feeling for love—but in reality, it is not.

When I thought deeply about it, I realized that this is actually dependency.

When we are unable to make our decisions, when we do not understand what we really want, we remain confused and begin to trust others. And this makes us feel like we’re happy.

But if we see it practically-our life choices are being made out of dependency.

We get influenced by others when making decisions—whether it’s about our career, relationships, or anything else. And if this is the case, then our entire future, our destiny, is shaped by others’ opinions, not by us. I felt exactly the same. But then I realized one thing: Never take decisions in your life based on other people’s opinions.

If we have to make a decision in life, it should not be based on the advice of other people.

But after hearing this, you might feel like—how is this possible? How can we not consult others? Obviously we take advice, we have been taking advice our whole lives. Sometimes from our parents, friends, spiritual leaders, or the people around us. And taking advice is actually a good thing. It’s important because our elders have experience.

Like I said, in today’s time, the decision-making ability of the majority is a bit weak. We hesitate before we decide, and the reason is that the conditions are uncertain These days, it’s not necessary that the decision we make after thinking carefully will give us the expected outcome. That’s uncertainty.

We often go to others—some people go to saints, some go to therapists—we take our problems to them and expect them to tell us what to do. Sometimes, we even ask them directly—”Please tell me what I should do,” or “What should we do?” If we look at our own lives, whenever we face problems—whether in relationships or friendships—we go to someone older and say, “We are not getting along, we keep fighting, conflicts are increasing in our relationships, what should we do?” We directly tell them, “What should I do? Please tell me. Give me advice.”

I used to do the same. I would ask my elders about my relationships, hoping they would give me the answer I was looking for.

Now, the another important thing is “Answer” —what kind of answer do we expect from those we share our problems with? It Can Be Two types.

-One type of answer is the one that we already want to hear, and if the person we are talking to validates it, then it becomes easier for us to make a decision.

-The other type of answer is when we genuinely don’t know what to do, we can’t decide what is right or wrong. Throughout the day, we have to make so many decisions, and sometimes we get confused. In such situations, instead of making our own decision, we ask others and decide according to their opinion.

Not only this, but when someone comes to us with their problems, we are quickly affected and ready to make a decision. Because it gives us a sense of power, right? Somewhere deep inside, if anyone comes to us for advice, we feel good. But it is also very risky.

The important thing to understand is that asking for advice and asking for a decision are two different things.

And the person giving the advice should also be clear about whether they are simply sharing their opinion or making a decision for the other person.

Nowadays, we have a nature where, we feel proud when someone comes to us asking for life decisions. But we have to be very careful—never make decisions for someone else. Because they have to walk that path. Even if your decision is 100% accurate, it is accurate for you because of your upbringing, your capacity, your determination, and your willpower.

But the person for whom you are making the decision has their own capacity, nature, and willpower. So, even if your decision is right, it might not be right for them. It’s not that your advice is wrong—it can be absolutely right—but it is not necessary that it will be right for the other person.

When we give advice, we do it based on our own capacity, experience, and perspective.

It might be the best decision for us, but the other person’s situation and abilities are different.

Actually, if we think deeply, this is a very deep concept.

Let’s say you’re facing issues in your marriage, and you go to your parents for advice. Naturally, they will guide you based on their own experiences, values, and abilities. If they have a strong tolerance and acceptance level—let’s say 80%—they might tell you to adjust, compromise, and stay in the relationship.

But what if your ability to tolerate and adjust is only 60%? For them, handling conflicts and making compromises might feel easy, but for you, it could be overwhelming. So even if their advice is well-meaning, it may not be practical for you because your emotional capacity is different from theirs.

And the most important thing to remember is the result. Whatever decisions we make in our lives—whether good or bad—we are the only ones responsible for their outcomes.

That’s why we should never say, “Because of you, I did this, and that’s why this happened.” Never blame others. People can give us advice, they can give us a decision, but what we take from them should be our choice. Because everyone’s life is different, everyone’s capacity and karma are different. So, take advice, but make your own decisions. If you make your own decisions, no matter what the outcome is—whether good or bad—you will have the power to handle it.

Now, another important thing to remember when giving advice to someone—we have to be very careful. Instead of saying, “You should do this,” we should say, “If I were in your place, I would do this,” or “If you do this, these consequences might happen, and if you do that, these consequences might come.”

Now you choose!

So, As an advisor or a close one, we can do one more beautiful thing—we can make the person aware of their own capacity. Sometimes, people don’t understand their own capabilities, but if we are close to them and we feel they need to realize something, we should definitely help them in their decision-making.

Do not make the decision for others. Be detached, see all the possible consequences of their decisions, show them all the options, and leave the final decision to them.

Make people aware of their strengths that they are not using. Empower them to use their positive nature to face the situation, and then they will take the right decision.

So, when we take a decision, it should be according to our capacity to face the situation. We need to take decisions with full awareness of our own qualities.