Is People-Pleasing Contagious?

In matters of social and professional interactions, people pleasing is rapidly becoming the new politically correct behavior. Is it a new pandemic and more important, is it contagious? You better be nice to everyone and it seems like "Everything little Thing Matters."

Granted, some measure of politeness and courtesy act as wonderful social lubricants, but over-pleasing can feel like something is not quite right.

Let's go back to some basics. Audience pleasing, apologizing and patronizing are very easy traps to fall into when interacting socially, speaking in front of groups or while communicating with people at the office or speaking to a client.

Catering or caretaking needlessly (thinking that being "so nice" and soft spoken is the key to win hearts) also spells disaster.

Have you ever amused yourself and counted how many times you hear “I’m sorry” in a day? Put it to the test; it is mind blowing. On the surface, these habits can appear as legitimate forms of expression or harmless ways to handle people. When you go deeper, you begin to realize that they are powerful enemies and should be avoided at all cost.

People at large, as well as audiences, in general, prefer to be dazzled and inspired, rather than be catered to or worse be patronized. In my world as a coach and a mentor, people pleasing is a kind of disease, because underneath it masks a “compensation mechanism” for our nervousness or for not really feeling confident or grounded.

In matters of social and professional interactions, over-pleasing can feel like an addiction and can send a direct subconscious message that you are walking around with a metaphorical copy of “Co-dependent no more” under your arm. Forget the hoped-for Holy Bible effect! It’s the wrong book you are carrying!

Catering is a “people-pleaser attitude.” It can be very subtle as we all grow up wanting to please. It’s a deeply ingrained cultural and social habit. These attitudes transfer over when we speak or express ourselves publicly or professionally. They are loud “unconscious” intentions and carry a clear unwanted message.

Too much politeness is too often a sure sign that someone is lacking confidence. It can also be read as a manipulative strategy. The subtext becomes “what does he/she want that he/she has to be so extra polite"?

Apologizing too much is another example. Catering, apology and too much politeness are counter-productive as they rob anyone of direct contact and forward action. It is impossible to be free and authentic inside of that.

Catering, patronizing, apologizing, and exaggerated politeness as modes or styles, come from poor self-confidence and lack of clear purpose. Trying to “make friends” with strangers without a clear invitation or a clear sign can be devastating as well; the effect is as disappointing as a magician showing you how the trick is done. It robs us of the “magic” of how the trick is done. We love to be fooled and conquered as an audience member. It is an important part of the game and a subconscious expectation.

Cater, patronize or apologize too much to any audience and they will turn their backs on you!

Wishing you all the unapologetic success you deserve.