Is fighting in relationships normal and healthy?

So this post was inspired by a conversation I had months ago. My friend claimed they never had a fight with the person they were in a relationship with. I don't believe that there are couples who don't fight ever. So let's talk about if fighting healthy and normal.

When I say fights or fighting I'm not just talking about the big blow ups I mean everything from the little disagreements to the big blow ups. When people say fights a lot of people may think about the big blow ups. I do believe that there's some factors to look at when it comes to whether or not fighting normal and healthy.

The first factor is how fresh is the relationship. If you just got into a relationship and you are having fights than that's not normal or healthy. Now if you've been in the relationship for more than a few months the fights are bound to happen.

Another factor is how often are the fights happening? If you're having fights every day or every week then that's not healthy or normal. People who fight everyday or every week may have bigger issues. Is it insecurity? Is it trust issues? So if it is a big issue like insecurity or trust you need to walk away and work on your insecurity or trust issue.

A big factor is how big are the fights. If you're having only big blow outs and having them often it's not normal or healthy. Now fighting everyday no matter how big the fights are it's not a good sign.

Also what are you fighting about? Are you fighting about things that matter? Most people fight about stuff like money. Other couples fight about stuff that won't matter in 2 weeks. Now it is ok to fight on silly things on occasion but don't make a serious thing out of those fights.

You also have to look at who started the fight and why? There are some people (women mainly) who will start the fights for no reason than she just wanted to start drama or a fight. Some people fight just to fight, this will only lead to trouble. Now there are people who will just make a statement and it will cause a fight. This fight causing statement could be small, dumb or not worth fighting over. There are some statements that are ok to fight over.

You also have fight fair and nice. Like insulting someone during a fight is not a good thing. Also don't say something in anger you might regret later. A good tip is when fighting if you may say something in anger take a break if possible. After the break come back and as calmly as possible have a discussion. Don't make fights personal or turn them into a blame game.

Fights that lead to abuse is not OK. If it turns physical or really insulting then it's time to get out. Unhealthy abusive can also include manipulation. Also gaslighting can happen in fights and you need to leave the relationship if that happens. Gaslighting is when someone manipulates someone else by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

There are some people who start a fight just to make up. For some people fighting is a turn on, I don't get but whatever floats your boat. Starting a fight to have sex can backfire. If it is a guy who starts a fight with a woman for this purpose she may get angry and not feel like it.

There is also the factor of how do you handle the fight and the recovery. Recovery is so important, most people call it the aftermath. I like the word recovery because that's what you do after a fight, you recover. In the recovery time does someone apologize? Do you try to get revenge? In the recovery period a lot of people have rational conversations about the fight. I think that is the smartest thing to do in the recovery period, that way you can work on any issues that caused the fight. Try to work things out so that you can possibly not have that fight again.

Also if you hit your first fight or just have the occasional fight don't give up on the relationship. If it is a new relationship don't give up on it. If you give up on a relationship because of a fight or a few small fights (with maybe one big one) then you may miss out on a great relationship. Now if you are having a lot of the same fights over and over again with the same issues then you may need to walk away.

So I hope this helps you. I will try to do more of these types of posts.