Inarticulate Passion

"People are often NOT eloquent precisely about what moves them most. Half the time we aren't really sure what we mean, and if we are, we don't want to say it, and if we do, we can't find the words, and if we can, others aren't listening, and if they are, they don't understand... In fact, various failures to communicate can make the richest sort of dialogue, just as the most stunted language is sometimes the most revealing of character."–Janet Burroway.

At times, it seems like there is a very long pause between what is in the heart, the deep heart... and what is on the tongue. We hmm, and umm and fill the space all day long while not saying anything especially meaningful or important. We are chronic wasters of words. Some fill space when the space gets to big, and an awkward pause is all that stands between them and a grieving friend. Others try to fill where there is not enough space. They overflow into the breaks and breaths because they fear they may be left behind. In both cases, there is an absence of both thought and genuineness. Because in reality, most of us keep our heart's thoughts in a lock-box, and the only way for someone to open it is materializing a key by essence of their persona... whether that be prince charming, the perfect partner, a kindred spirit, or maybe Saint Nicolas (It's okay to admit it, everyone to their own)... riskless relationships... instead of speaking and allowing for the possibility of a miscommunication because that person is really the only person who could truly understand us. Who will really "get" us.

With that in mind... the question begs, is it truly better, if they are not heard at all?

Darling, I'm sorry to disappoint, but your Prince Charming will not materialize in all glory with the singing of angels and neon signs saying "HE IS THE ONE!". He will have smelly socks, he will be crabby occasionally, and sometimes he won't have the time of day to hear or see you, as charming and wonderful as he may be. And, that kindred spirit will not become kindred overnight. They will not hold your heart for free... they will probably require a few tear stained shoulders and giggle fits as payment for their services. It is likely that you may go through several of the non-kindred kind before you find a true one... and dear, we both know how likely it is that both Saint Nicolas and our "perfect partner" exist.

So what does this leave us with? A keyless lock-box and a heart full of wanderings? Unheard and bursting against our lips. How will we bear it?

A thought for you... Perhaps the Charming Princes and kindred souls are made by allowing our own box to be unlocked by less than perfection. Carefully but truly, for its contents are precious we reveal. Maybe as we open it for them, and they see the jumbled yet cherished contents they will forgive the mess in ours and begin to unlock their own.

I go as far as to say that maybe this is how it is supposed to be. Maybe the unlocking is the foundation to a genuine love (both of lover and friend). A garbled, miscommunicated, yet beautiful risk taken during the adventure of a lifetime... To love and be loved. For one cannot love what they do not know, and one cannot know what they are not allowed to learn...And cannot learn without being shown. A terrifying prospect I know

In order to be loved in our deep hearts, we must show them, and in turn risk the mess in someone else's.