In Love with Social Anxiety

There is no formula for falling in love, it just happens. And it didn't take me long to know i was in love with him, it happened, and it happened fast. But falling in love was the easy part. To me he is the perfect man, he couldn't hold any flaw, but to everyone else, he wouldn't speak, couldn't speak. I didn't realize that Social Anxiety was actually something noticeable until i met him. With me he was comfortable, but it took a long time to break down his walls for him to be comfortable with me. And for everyone else, it took years.

Not Knowing

I came from a home where mental illness and anything of the sort was not often discussed just simply because we didn't know anyone coping with it. So not knowing what Social Anxiety was, made it a lot harder for me to understand where he was coming from. I often felt like an awful girlfriend for just simply not knowing what it was like to have Social Anxiety. He was quiet, passive, strongly disliked conflict, and barely spoke to those he didn't feel comfortable with. He didn't like phone calls, he hated crowds, he didn't like meeting new people, and he was very introverted. To me that was unusual. Because I was loud, outgoing, confident, and boisterous. I met new people well, despite holding my own insecurities, and I didn't mind too many crowds. I often wondered if I was the one who was unusual, if my confidence and ability to meet new people and talk without fear was unusual, but he often told me that he wished he was able to do what I could. And it was only in those moments that I learnt how hard on him it was to have Social Anxiety.

Just Wanting

He'd tell me that what i could do, how i could speak freely and openly to people, was something he only wished he could do. It took some time to really grasp how Social Anxiety played a part in his life. He wanted to go out and talk easily, but he struggled, he would say, "I just can't." He wanted to make important phone calls, but would opt for emails instead because, he would say "I don't like talking on the phone." He wanted to make new friends and reach out to people when he needed to but would put it off because, he would say "I just don't think I can." There were so many instances where he could have had things he wanted, but he couldn't because he 'wasn't like me' and sometimes it prompted fights. I sometimes would think, he makes it out to be a lot harder than it should be, why can't he just talk? Why can't he let go of his fear and just do it? Because little did i know, that fear was all consuming. It scared him. And when i finally realized to the extent what Social Anxiety does, it scared me too. I had the ability to do something he longed to do, and I was riddled with guilt. If I could give him my abilities to speak freely to new people, to feel free of fear in crowds or talking on the phone, I would have.

Taking Time

Learning to love someone with Social Anxiety takes a lot more soul searching than you'd ever realize. You have to make sure that you're sensible enough to handle any situation they go through with care. You have to be calm enough to not lose it at them when they can't do what you can. You have to be attentive to their thoughts and feelings, because for them, it's hard to talk about what they feel. You have to stop and take time to walk them through it, because even though for you, it's the easiest thing, for them it's the hardest thing imaginable. The only thing that helped me get through it, was patience. And i can tell you that i was never a patient person. Until I met him. Not everyone can make fast progress, and for my husband it took at least two years to fully open himself up to me, and to learn new tools to deal with his Social Anxiety. Without being able to learn patience i don't know how we would have helped each other.

Making Progress

We both grew as people throughout those two years of learning. I became a more gentle and understanding person, and he learnt to not let fear control him. We still have our moments, just as anyone does, but we are stronger now than we ever were. Falling in love with my husband was the easy part, but learning to accept him for all that he was, was no walk in the park. Making progress is the most beautiful part of loving someone with Social Anxiety, not only do you get to see them grow more confident and break their walls down, you get to say that you were there, you got to witness that progress being made, you had the privilege of staying, when they didn't want to let anyone else in. And that is the best part of falling In Love With Social Anxiety.