In Dating, Should I Be Mad for Getting Nothing in Return?

A friend and I were having a discussion about a date another friend of mine went on, and I want to know… am I in the wrong?

The Date:

Okay, so my friend Rotimi went on a date with this girl named Sharon. They’ve been talking for a couple of weeks now and it’s finally time for them to meet up. Note for the purpose of the following argument that their “talking” up until this point has been flirtatious. And I mean V-E-R-Y FLIRTATIOUS.

So now they’re in the mall and Sharon wants to see a movie. Rotimi agrees, and they go to get tickets. Rotimi pays.

Sharon says she’d like some popcorn, candy, and a drink. Rotimi pays.

They go to see the movie. An hour, 45 minutes later, the movie is done. Rotimi is ready to head out but Sharon wants to grab a bite. So they go to the food court, order a meal of some overpriced fish-chicken dish and once again, Rotimi pays. For everything.

Now note, and I’m going to lay everything on the table so you understand the full brunt of the argument:

• Rotimi offered to pay. Sharon did not resist.
• Sharon ordered more food, and I mean, a lot more food than Rotimi. She even got a to-go plate.

Keep that in mind.

Now back to the story:

The date is over, they’ve both eaten, and Rotimi says to Sharon: “Okay, let’s head out.”

Sharon says: “Where to?”

And Rotimi says: “Back to my place, let’s go.”

BOOM! This is where my friend, Tolu shouted “MEN!” (Tolu is the friend I’m currently having the argument with.)

Okay, back to the story.

Sharon says she’s tired and would rather go home.

Rotimi propositions her to come back to his place and spend the night. Not for sex or anything. Just so she can crash.

Sharon refuses, says she “doesn’t want to be a bother” and would rather he just take her back home.

END OF DATE.

Now keep up:

Rotimi takes her back to her place, nothing happens. Not even a kiss on the cheek. Nothing. Immediately after, he calls me to tell me this story. He is PISSED!

I put the phone on speaker phone cuz I’m with Tolu at this time so she hears the whole thing and that’s when we get into the argument.

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The Argument:

My Case: Rotimi has every reason to be pissed.

Tolu’s Case: Rotimi has no reason to be pissed.

My Arguments:

This is 2018. Feminism is alive and well. I am a feminist. 1000 percent. And feminism as I understand and run with it is the equality of the sexes. Men and women should have equal rights and privileges. Period.

Money is hard to come by. Money is valuable. When we spend money, we expect value in return. And in cases where we do not see any return on our investment, we are pissed. This is a men’s thing. This is a women’s thing. This is a human thing.

NOBODY LIKES A BAD “INVESTMENT.”

Ladies, if you and a guy went out and you paid for the date, you paid for the movie, paid for his movie snacks, and then paid for his meal afterward. For NOTHING. What are you gonna say to your girlfriends? And be honest!

Also, please note here that when I say “for NOTHING,” I’m not talking just sex. I’m talking you get NOTHING. As in, you just spent all this money on this person and they’re like “Okay, take me home.” Are you joking?!

Even if you’re not the type of woman who would feel some type of way, you know women who feel some type of way about that, and do you think they have no reason to be pissed? Is this idea of men feeling pissed when they don’t see a return on investment strictly an “I don’t understand why he’s pissed” kinda thing when it’s men paying for the women?

In 2018, women, are you telling me that if a guy came over to stay the weekend in your house at YOUR EXPENSE. Your rent. Your food. Your bed. Are you saying that you wouldn’t expect at least the smell of eggs frying in the morning? Are you saying you wouldn’t be pissed if you came out and saw that boy just making a pot of noodles for himself alone? Are you telling me that you wouldn’t want the boy to at least DO SOMETHING? Show some kind of appreciation bigger than thank you?

Are you telling me you would not be pissed? Even if just a little?

So how come when a woman comes over and does the same thing—stays in bed, cooks your noodles, hangs around and DOES NOTHING, it should be fine? Why should my guy not be pissed?

In 2018, I think if you do all of these things in a date, male or female, you deserve at least something in return. And even if you don’t “deserve anything” because “we are not owed anything,” we are human beings and we have expectations. And let me tell you, we always expect a return on our investments. WE ALWAYS DO!

Tolu’s Argument (written by Tolu herself who just snatched my laptop to write her piece):

Hi… Tolu here. My guy brought up feminism and 2018 and men and women with equal rights and privileges and all that and my question is... what does that have to do with feeling entitled to somebody’s body just because you paid for some things? Maybe it’s just me, but I’d think that “feminism” excuse (they love throwing that back in our faces, don’t they?) would be better used if the argument on ground was that men shouldn’t pay for everything on a date. But it isn’t, and they should ;) JK... maybe.

Anyway, to the current issue: Do people have a right to feel upset when they spend money on somebody and get “nothing” in return? Absolutely not. You are never entitled to someone else’s body. You are never entitled to someone else’s body. You are NEVER entitled to someone else’s body (or time, for those that will play like Rotimi only wanted to spend more time with her).

Did you people enter into agreement? You spend this amount of money and I owe you this? Is it that you hired a prostitute? You’re not entitled to their body either, but at least your argument would be stronger in that case.

It truly is a sense of entitlement that’s doing people in. What, because you bought a $5 box from Popeyes I should now spread my legs? Or go home with you because I owe you sooo much?

If I decide to spend my money on somebody, as long as they are polite and grateful, there are no issues. I won’t be whining up and down how they didn’t come home with me or take me to their place. Notice my choice of words there…”decide.” Because at the end of the day, you choose where and how to spend your money. Is it somebody else’s fault that you assumed that the more you spent, the more you’d get in return and didn’t bother confirming from that person?

If you don’t want to pay for a to-go plate, then don’t. The person may call you broke, but at least you’ll have saved your money and avoided that regret later.

And to the point about waking up to find somebody cooking food for himself and not for me in my house... I would actually be annoyed. I would be annoyed, because why are you messing up my kitchen?

At the end of the day, $20 or $200, nobody, man or woman, “owes” you anything, unless y’all agree on that beforehand. If I buy something for my friend, should I now say take off the clothes??? If you feel so entitled to somebody’s time or body because you spent money on them then the solution is…

DON’T MAKE THAT “INVESTMENT.”

Ta-ta for now.

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Now that you've read both sides, what are your thoughts? Am I wrong? Is Tolu wrong? Are we both wrong? Are we both right? Do we both have some solid points and some not-solid points? We'd really love to hear your thoughts not only for conversation sake, but also because we're really competitive and would like to know who wins this!

Finally, if you could please help us out with tips, that'd be so nice. We are both college students trying to make it as writers which as you can imagine is really, really tough. Anything you can do to help us out would be so nice and so, so, so appreciated.

Thank you so much for reading!