As young women who participate in modern dating through which we exercise our rights as rational individuals, capable of making decisions about our romantic life, we sometimes act irrationally.
Before finding my current partner, who I have been with for nearly 4 years and engaged for nearly 1, I’ve had my fair share of encounters with men who I should and shouldn’t spend my time with and yet I still succumb to the predictable response of speaking to someone that probably isn’t worth my time.
Sometimes, I would chase a man in hope that he is unsure of his true feelings. Or in hope that he doesn’t want to tell me how he feels because he is scared. Or he’s not ready. Or he just needs a little push.
And here is what I’ve learned from my experiences—if someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. Of course, every situation is different, and we can't speak in binaries. However, there are disparities between these people.
Here are some signs that can help tell you whether a person is worth your time or not:
Here’s the one you should give your time to:
The person you should give your time to will make an effort to be with you.
If someone has feelings for you, and I mean true feelings that propel them to think about you and be with you in the long run, then they will make sure that you are aware of this. This person will get to know you, will compliment you and mean it. They will give you as much time and attention as you deserve, and they will make their intentions clear to you.
They will not play games with you, or fling words in your direction with hidden meanings that you spend long nights trying to uncover so that you can add missing pieces to a love puzzle that you have created in your mind.
You will just know.
And here’s the one you shouldn’t give your time to:
This person is someone that spends a long time treating you as more than a friend, only to eventually reveal that they do not have feelings for you.
The person who plays games and flirts enough to secure your attention, but not your heart. The person who confuses you with their actions and mixed signals. The person who calls you when it suits them but refuses to see you when it suits you, who gives you enough attention to keep you out of the ‘friend zone’ but not enough to be in the ‘relationship zone’.
Still, there are moments when you refuse to believe what your eyes and their words tell you and, instead, you let your heart insert false information in your mind about them not being ‘ready to commit’ and needing ‘more time to realize his feelings’.
It is a heavy battle, I get it.
Liking someone who does not return your feelings can make you unsettled. You start to question your worth. This is destructive to your emotional well being because your worth is not defined by anyone. You need to take care of your heart and the only way you can do this is by maintaining a safe distance from people who treat you this way.
And to do this, you must be prepared:
- Learn to read the signs instead of trying to read between the lines.
- Observe their behaviour and actions—what do they tell you?
- Ask them if they like you and if they say no, believe them.
- Do not let them waste your time.
- Lastly, don’t tell yourself that they want you, even though everything they say or do suggests the opposite. They aren’t worth it.
So, if someone wants to be with you, they will make it clear to you.
You may not be able to control the way someone feels about you, but you can work on how much you love yourself.
About the Creator
Ruby Dhal is a speaker, performer and author of 5 books of poetry, prose and bite-sized self-help. With a social media following of over half a million and millions of impressions on Instagram, Ruby has access to readers everywhere.
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions