I lay down on the bed, confused thoughts running through my mind. I can’t believe after all my experience with dating men, and how much of a ‘relationship counselor’ I am, I stuck in this rut.
The man causing my mental confusion lay beside me, his AirPods snugly fitted in his beautiful ears, jamming away to some music, oblivious to the tears dripping down my face.
I am sorry, I usually am not this despondent. During the day, I'm a strong woman who makes decisions for people, help them overcome their problems, be a listening ear or comforting shoulder to those who need it, but yet, I am as lost as a little bottle at sea.
Right now, I wish he would turn over, acknowledge me or say something. Nothing. My heart skips a beat when I felt his arms move above me, but it was nothing—he wants to pick his charger.
I spent the first few days of February agonizing over the best valentines gift to present to him. I found subtle ways to bring his interests into our few and far between conversations. Finally, I narrowed it down into two things he loved.
I went on Amazon like a giddy teenager, and I ordered for both. I did not mind that it cost me hundreds of Euros. The build-up began and a day to Valentine's, I realize he did not bother to ask if I would want a gift.
In my head, I justified his actions— he already got my gift. Fast forward to this morning (Valentine's Day). Would you believe it? He left the house without giving me his customary kiss on the forehead. I began to suspect something, but I brushed it off.
I baked him a cake, and made his favorite dish. I hummed all the way because I was so happy doing it. I was giddy with excitement all day and I played a guessing game with myself—what could he have gotten me for Valentine's?
He got back from work, took a shower, and ate. He seemed happy and we had quiet a bit of a chat. He did not seem as withdrawn as he had been for the past few weeks.
I presented the cake to him and he gave me a sweet smile in return. And that was it. I got no gift from him, nothing. I was sad, but decided to play it up. Maybe we’d have some nice time on the sheets, I consoled myself while taking a shower.
Nothing happened still. He ignored me. Well. I guess I know what to do. I will return the gifts I got him. Not because he did not bother to get me one in return, but because it just drove home his recent actions.
I’m just a random girl to him. He doesn’t give a care. He never will. And it’s important I start acting accordingly.
Like he told me ‘You’re just one of those statistic girls.’ Starting from tonight, I’m done trying or expecting. I’m letting him go.