I Won $820,000 in Prize Money and Let It All Go

A whopping $820,000 and you’re letting it go?

You must be crazy!

My hours of being active online have paid off. All the hours I spend going around the web in my PJs. Barefoot. From one social media to another.

All the hours I have spent reading your work, clapping, pledging, and subscribing to you. All things you never pay me for. Things you feel entitled to. Because we are a community.

Well, someone who understands the worth of my time has rewarded me. For time spent. Energy consumed while parading my goodness all around the web.

So, I am one of the five most active people online. Wow! Even with a 9–5 that keeps me away from the web for approximately 8 hours. And a sleep routine of another 5–6 of the 24 hours I have in a day. Who knew I could be so productive in such a short period?

Yahoo Facebook and MSN Windows Live Promotion Center — Whatever mumbo-jumbo this means.

Does it matter that the award is to be given to people who are Yahoo and Hot mail users, and I am not? Umm… I don’t think so. If so, there’s a Yahoo somewhere in my Gmail.

We advise you to send the following informations to our agent, Daniel Lewis of Broadway, NY, to facilitate the release of your winning fund to you.

1. Full Names........... Because they could not find this out even after monitoring my extravagant online activity

2. Country............... Because they could not find this out, but could find my email address

3. Contact Address............ Because… Umm.. remind me why this is this necessary?

4. Telephone Number................. Because the funds have to dial my number for permission

5. Fax Number............................ Because… Umm… evidence of transfer will be sent through here? I thought that’s what my email is for

5. Marital Status......................... Because my singleness will single me out

6. Occupation............................. I’m lost

7. My Date of birth...................... Because this award is strictly for Boomers, and they cannot tell if I am one, as my search history contains as much Tom Jones as it does Beyonce

7. Sex ................................ You still ask me this after seeing how much of my search history contains Chris Evans in different poses?

8. Your banking information where the fund will be transferred into, either in your country or outside. — For Pete’s sake, what does outside mean?

9. I.e. the account number, bank name, swift code of the bank, address of the bank and the account name. — Because this is the crux of the matter. No need to jumble them together so I don’t get spooked. I am spookometer is turned on.

Well, I’ll be damned! But this feels like too much info for the receipt of the prize money. Except the cheque will read thus:

Blessing Oluchukwu Awamba, a single female HR officer born on 01–09–44, of Lagos Nigeria, with mobile +234–012222222.

For the sum of blah blah blah…

Phew! that was a mouthful. I tried but there was no way to squeeze in my Fax number.

So, what’s the plan, Mrs. Macy Anderson?

I give you these details and get instant credit, right? Or will the cheque be delivered to my home? Whichever it is, I’ll pass. Feel free to share my prize with your loved ones.

Yours Generously,

Oly.

PS: I flouted your warning about keeping this to myself. I tried but failed.

Like Sean Kernan said — Don’t be a sucker. Cash advance schemes come in many flavors. They are getting more sophisticated and a lot more people have fallen for them than are willing to admit.

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This story was first published here.