I was a insecure codependent person dating a narcissist.

Codependency can become very draining for both the codependent and the person dating the codependent person. I definitely struggled with trying to not seem so needy and what I would call at the time a bit possessive now that I can look back at the situation with a more clear mindset. I was about 19 years old when I met this boy that I later fell head over heels for. Thinking back then there were so many warning signs that I ignored because I was what I thought to be “in love”. The way we met should’ve been the first red flag. I was walking down the street, I was actually on my way to my sisters house. As I’m walking this boy walks up to me. He wanted to speak to me, get to know me you know, the regular. He was actually pretty easy on the eyes, his smile was beautiful he had clear smooth brown skin and dimples. I told him that I was in a rush I appreciate the gesture but I’m not interested. I had just gotten out of a relationship a few month prior so I was just trying to focus on me. I continued to walk for about 3 blocks but the boy continued to follow me he was very persistent. He ended up following me all the way inside my sisters building all the way up to her apartment door repeatedly asking for my number. At the time being young and naive I thought it was cute that he wasn’t giving up and felt like he was showing me that he was really interested in me. At my age now 25 I would’ve definitely thought of that as creepy and probably threaten to call the cops on him but I didn’t, instead I gave him my number. I don’t even think I was able to close the door before he text my phone. We got to texting each other and I realized I had him as a friend already on Facebook because we apparently went to the same middle school but he was never in any of my classes. Conversation went on for days he was very easy to talk too he was so sweet and charming something about him had me very interested. In about a week he asked me out on a date and ofcourse I agreed. He came and picked me up and took me to this beautiful rooftop steakhouse in the city. He was a year younger than me but I thought to myself he was doing great for his age he has his own car he has a legal good paying job and seemed so kind I was so excited because I just knew he was the one. We had a great date I’m now even more in to him than I was before. We continued to talk on the phone everyday, go out and eventually started to take trips together. For the first 6 months of the relationship things were going great. Then a little after that things began to turn sour, I started realizing that he was always too busy to hangout or call me or even text back I found myself calling him over and over. I would literally sit and call him about 100 times I would send 50 text and get no response. I just couldn’t understand we spent all of our time together how could he just randomly expect me to get used to not being with him especially with no explanation. He would always call me when he felt like it, respond to text when he felt like it. He would go days without speaking to me then randomly hit me up out of no where acting like nothing was wrong acting like he loved me. One day we got into an argument about him not giving me enough time and how it was mentally draining me. He did not care about how I felt he got mad that I even mentioned it and started to ignore me again. I started calling over and over texting over and over I hated that I couldn’t stop myself from trying to reach out to him no matter how much I knew I deserved better. Eventually I gave up and went to bed. The next morning I woke up and decided to give him a call, finally he picked up or so I thought. Hello I heard a soft voice say on the phone at first I thought he was playing games but I quickly realized it was another girl on the line. My stomach instantly dropped then she hung up the phone. I instantly called back she answered again she told me to “stop calling he doesn’t want to be with you, he wants to be with me”. My very foolish self said “I do not believe you ofcourse he loves me he wouldn’t just come into my life and make me feel like a queen then just end things this way clearly you have things mixed up”. She woke him up from his sleep and told him I was on the phone, she then told him to choose. He was silent for a bit then he said he wants to be with her. My heart was crushed I was hurt he came after me he was persistent why not just leave me alone so many thought ran through my mind. I wanted answers I couldn’t just give up that easily. I began to call him and ofcourse he ignored me I felt like my heart had been ripped out I didn’t know what to do. Eventually I realized that things weren’t going to be any different so I decided to just let them be. A few days went by and he begins to call me texting me paragraphs telling me he loves me and he’s sorry he doesn’t want to lose me and honestly I was happy I missed him so much. I forgave him and believed it wouldn’t happen again. Soon we were back on track he reeled me back in got me all open and in love again then he started ignoring me again. This became a cycle for him. He would cheat on me any chance he got go days/weeks without speaking to me. Then he started mentally abusing me bringing me down and making me feel less than he eventually started putting his hands on me. I was so in love in for a while, he took me way from everyone that loved me, all of my friends stopped talking to me because they hated to see me go through the things I was going through. They got tired of giving me advice that I never took. So for a very long time I felt like he was all I had. I stuck around for so long I endured it all because I “was in love”. Feeling like I had no one caused me to become very dependent of him and he knew that. After a while he didn’t even care to hide his infidelities because he knew I’d just forgive him because I truly felt like I needed him. He would blame me for everything take out his anger on me and I was just too naive to even realize these narcissistic traits I wanted to believe things would get better so bad. Things never got better I eventually decided it was time to take my life back. I couldn’t possibly love myself if I would allow myself to go through these things. I had to learn to start loving me. I went and got me a better job first, I started to do things by myself more. I then even reconciled with my friends who I love so dearly and would never let any guy come between us ever again. I then started to become uninterested and disgusted with this guy. I started ignoring him I told him I wanted to end things he was so angry because he didn’t want too. Then is when I realized he never loved me he didn’t even truly want me I just wanted to move on with my life but he rather hold me back and keep me under his spell treating me any kind of way and constantly cheating. In the end he ended up being the one calling and texting me hundreds of times. He couldn’t fathom that I would build the courage to leave him. He began showing up to my job threatening to hurt me threatening to send our private videos to my parents. That’s when I chose to block him on every social media account I had. I eventually ended up finding my soulmate about a year later. My ex ended up finding out I moved on and came back with his threats he even went as far as to send our private video to my current boyfriend but thankfully he just brushed it off because he seen him for the cornball he was. Eventually he finally got the message and left me alone for good. The situation definitely taught me a lot of life lessons I realized I was very codependent and insecure to even allow myself to go through most of those situations. I also got to experience a narcissist up close and personal and now I’m thankful that because of that I can spot one early in the future and run far away in the opposite direction.