I Want to Be

I’ve been thinking about the kind of person I want to be. It’s become a mixture of things I was taught when I was little and things that I’ve learned growing up. The problem is I can’t tell what’s been modified from my childhood to fit my present life and what's been twisted into something that I shouldn’t follow. I was taught to “treat others how you would like to be treated,” and I think that the world has twisted that into “treat others how they have treated you.” I was taught to “turn the other cheek” which was twisted into “return the favor.” Everyone now believes in “self-love,” but I was taught to be “selfless.”

I understand maybe some of these can occur simultaneously, but from my experience, that’s not a common normality. To treat others how you would want to be treated and to turn the other cheek means no rude response or snarky remark when someone hurts you. If someone attacks you in any way it means to still treat them with the love and respect you would want if you were them. So here’s the part when you say “yeah, well, I would never hurt someone like that” or “well, they don’t deserve it if they hurt me.”

Well, yeah, maybe those are true, but I don’t think that matters. Maybe you wouldn’t ever hurt somebody like that, but whoever hurt you obviously had a reason. I’m not saying that it will be a good or valid reason, I’m just saying it will be there if you want to ask what it is. Usually when people are pissed enough to hurt someone they’d love to let that person know why. Maybe the reason they hurt you came from something you can clear up, maybe it has nothing to do with you. Either way, you can say that you tried to understand and if you don’t that’s fine but there is no reason to hurt the person back. Well, maybe you don’t think the person deserves that chance. Okay, fine, but what makes you think you’re better than them? Everyone wants to preach all sins are equal until it means they have to level with those that hurt them the most, that’s the part that sucks. All I’m saying is that everyone deserves a chance to receive kindness and love even if you don’t think they deserve it.

Now, I know I kind of hinted that self-love and selflessness are opposites, and I want to clarify. Self-love and being selfless can conflict when we need to choose between pleasing someone else and pleasing ourselves. The self-love message teaches that we should just please ourselves because we deserve it, but being selfless would suggest otherwise. If someone would like to clarify the self-love message for me I would be more than happy to listen. Maybe I have it confused, but it seems to be that people would rather love themselves than loving others.

Now you ask, “well why can’t I do both?” Well, I’m sure you can, and I’m sure many people do. I’m not talking about loving who you are and what you’ve become through your experiences. I’m talking about when people would rather make themselves happy than making others happy. When there is a choice to be made, it’s one or the other and you choose yourself. Something I was taught when I was little is that we are here to serve others. I know that just set off alarms in your head, but hear me out.

We are here to serve each other and not because the person we’re serving deserves it, but because none of us do. We’ve all made mistakes and none of us are perfect. You can make all the claims you want about yourself, but in the end, if you were lost wouldn’t you want someone to help you? And maybe they don’t want help. Maybe you try kindness and you try putting others first and it all blows up in your face, but at least you tried. I’m not asking you to let people walk all over you. Believe me, I’m still trying to find a balance. I want to be kind graceful strong and helpful to others. I want to treat others like I would want to be treated and say a kind word instead of a comeback. I want to be selfless while being strong in myself. The thing is I want to be all these things but it’s the actual action that counts. So maybe the next goal isn’t “I want to be...” but “I am...”