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I've Been Unlucky In Love, But I Believe That In Each Of Those Unlucky Loves, I Have Been Extremely Lucky

Two major loves in my life but I still ended up alone

By Colleen Millsteed Published 3 years ago Updated 3 years ago 10 min read
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I've Been Unlucky In Love, But I Believe That In Each Of Those Unlucky Loves, I Have Been Extremely Lucky
Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash

I’ve walked this earth for more than five decades now and during this time I have truly loved two different men, but not one of those relationships lasted a lifetime and in the end, I find myself alone.

Unlucky in love but lucky in that I found these two men, felt their love and for that I’ll be eternally grateful. Yes I’m alone now and have been for almost two decades but I experienced the type of love that dreams are made of, not once but twice. Some people think they are lucky, if they experience this kind of love once, in their lifetime and others never get to experience this amazing connection.

There were times over the years when I believed that the deep love I was feeling, at the time, was a curse because it ended in the most horrific pain that I’ve ever lived through.

However, there is a reason they say, “better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.”

I totally agree unequivocally and despite the traumatic pain at the end of both relationships, if I had the chance, even knowing how it would end, I would happily choose to do it all over again.

Let me introduce you to the two great loves in my life.

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My first love, say hello to Wesley, my honest to goodness Soul Mate.

Photo courtesy of the Auth

I first met Wesley when I was 12 years old. We had just moved to a new town and I remember being terribly anxious about starting a new school. The worry was a total waste of time, as it turned out to be a breeze. The school was so small that there were less than 20 students to a class.

It didn’t take me long to notice this gorgeous male specimen in the grade above me. So he was a year older, who cares. It was also very obvious, at the time, that I had caught his eye and it wasn’t long before we were a couple and a happier couple you’d not see.

I was 13 years of age, when Wesley asked my father for his blessing as he wanted, sometime in the future, to marry his daughter. A future after we’d both finished our schooling. So I was 13 and Wesley was 14, when he asked me to marry him and without an ounce of doubt, I said yes. We were officially engaged.

Life threw many obstacles to try us, but we managed to hang in there and fight our way through. Such obstacles as Wesley attending his last two school years in another town, over three hours away, which meant he only come home during school holidays. Three times a year we’d see each other for two weeks and then six weeks at Christmas. A long, hard two years of missing each other but we both wrote letters to the other every day.

Wesley moved back home permanently after those two years and we were both over the moon. Long distance relationships are immensely tough, especially at such a young age.

Wesley and I spent six fantastic years together. Oh, we had our ups and downs with plenty of obstacles sent to try us, but we overcame most of these obstacles until the very end.

The one obstacle that beat us, was one that we could not find a solution for, no matter how hard we tried or how much we wanted too.

“What was so monumentally huge that true love couldn’t overcome,” you ask?

It was homelessness. Homelessness broke us and tore out both of our hearts. The pain was unbearable to both parties.

You see, it’s a long story, but I became homeless and my only option, if I wanted to stay in my relationship, was to live in Wesley’s little Datsun 180B motor vehicle. The things we do for love!

I did make that choice and I lived in Wesley’s car 24 hours a day, for just over six months. During daylight hours I would read a book in the car, where Wesley had parked it outside his work. At night I would sleep in the car, when it was parked outside Wesley’s house. At that time Wesley still lived with his parents.

My whole world was the inside of that car!

It was almost at the seven month mark of living in the car when I was given the opportunity to sleep in a proper bed for two weeks and I tell you, for those two weeks I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.

Long before I was ready, those two weeks were up and it was time for me to move my life back into that tiny car. Only I couldn’t do it. I could not go back to living and existing solely inside of a Datsun 180B.

Which meant Wesley and I had to part, as my only other option was to leave town and move to the city where my family lived.

Wesley totally understood my decision and he was not angry that I had made this choice but the trauma to both our hearts was almost more than either of us could bear.

A pain and heartbreak that I would not wish on my worst enemy.

A pain and heartache that I still feel today. That decision broke something inside of me, that I have never been able to fully heal, no matter how many years have passed.

It was a tragic loss for us both.

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For the full story on mine and Wesley’s relationship, please read my story ‘I Believed True Love Would Always Win’.

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Many, many years later, in the year 2001, Merv entered my life. I knew from the very first night I met him that he would play a major role in my life.

Everyone, I’d like to introduce you to Merv, my second true love that went horribly wrong.

Photo courtesy of the Author

Merv and I spent a very intense, passionate, fiery three point five years together. A short and sometimes sweet, sometimes scary time. But there’s a lot you can pack into a few years.

We met at a mutual friend’s house and we hit it off in a big way that night. From the very start, our relationship was very intense and passionate, with common bouts of fiery temper thrown into the mix.

Merv was a troubled soul, which made for a very rocky relationship. When we were good, it was sheer heaven and delight. Pure, joyful love. But when it was bad, it was horrid, scary and agonising.

The good times are what kept us together throughout those years.

We had been together three years, when I started thinking that maybe we should part. We both loved each other intensely but the scary ugly side of our relationship was starting to cause too much damage to my Soul and I was scared the relationship was bigger than both of us. I was terrified it was going to consume me with its’ intensity, leaving nothing of me left for any other areas of my life.

I spoke to Merv about my feelings but he refused to even entertain the idea that we were not meant to be.

It was within weeks of this conversation, about the possibility of parting, that Merv was suddenly diagnosed with Cancer. A fast paced, cancerous tumour that needed aggressive medical intervention, as soon as possible.

I was stunned at this diagnosis as I’d seen no sign that Merv was ill, nor seen any type of symptoms that would explain what I was hearing.

I was completely in shock and terrified of the path we were heading down, with no idea of where the end of the road may be.

Merv refused to go into hospital saying he had his reasons.

He explained, “Babe as my girlfriend, you will not be allowed to stay with me outside of visiting hours. You will not be able to make any decisions for me, in my best interest, if something happened and I can’t make my own decisions. You won’t be allowed in if I ended up in ICU or unconscious. Only immediate family would be allowed in. As my girlfriend you would not be seen as immediate family.”

Oh my god, he was right. I would be left out in the cold. I wouldn’t be able to fully support him and most importantly, I wouldn’t be able to make them listen to what Merv wanted, if he was unable to do so.

I was devastated.

It was then that Merv decided he would not go into hospital unless I married him. Knowing time was of the essence, I agreed.

I applied to the courts for special permission to marry inside the one month, one day ruling. We were granted permission on compassionate grounds as it was imperative Merv be admitted to hospital as quickly as possible.

I organised our wedding in two weeks. Two very emotional, topsy-turvy weeks after we agreed to marry, we became husband and wife. Despite everything against us, it was a beautiful wedding and it was my perfect wedding. I could not dream of a happier day.

So here we are, husband and wife, now it’s time, my love, to get you into hospital to fight this fight together.

Merv came up with every excuse why he could not go into hospital just yet. A different excuse every time, until I began to entertain some horrifying thoughts.

I was starting to question if Merv was sick. I couldn’t see any signs of any illness, let alone something so aggressive, that time was of the essence.

I began asking Merv what his doctors where saying? Why wasn’t he rushing to hospital as planned?

I was totally bewildered and confused. I asked if I could attend Merv’s next hospital visit, which, just happened to be in two days time. Merv said he would love for me to come and he would appreciate my support by doing so.

At this stage we’d been married for seven weeks.

The next morning was a Sunday. We spent a lazy morning in bed, sleeping in and then I got up and made us some breakfast and took it back to bed. After breakfast we spent another couple of hours in bed talking, opening up to each other and making very passionate love.

We climbed out of bed around lunchtime and it was approximately two hours later that Merv told me he needed to talk to me. He sat me down and proceeded to rip my world and my heart apart. He left me nothing but a whole world of hurt.

He explained that he was leaving me. He stated that if he didn’t leave before our eighth week of marriage, then I’d legally be able to take him for half of all he owned.

I was dumbfounded and had no idea where this was coming from. Not to mention he didn’t own anything. He had no real estate property or houses, no motor vehicle or any other form of transport. He basically only had his clothing to his name.

I didn’t understand what was happening or why. I begged and pleaded for him to stay. I asked him, if he was really adamant he was leaving our marriage, to at least tell me the real reason he was leaving.

He stuck to his story. The one where he feared I’d take him for everything he owned if we were married for eight weeks or more.

What was this bullshit rule? I had never heard of this ever and it made absolutely no logical sense in my mind.

I was completely baffled. No matter what I said to Merv, he continued to pack up everything he owned and rang his mate, who was the best man at our wedding, to come and pick him up.

He calmly said his goodbye’s and walked out on me and our marriage. I was an emotional wreck.

It turned out this was not the end of us, as he did come back five months later and there is a lot more to the end of our relationship, but that’s another story.

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For the full story on mine and Merv’s relationship, please read my story ‘My Marriage Lasted Seven Weeks And Yet Eighteen Years Later We Are Still Legally Married’.

Thank you for staying with me all the way to the end.

If you liked my writing, please click on the small heart underneath, near my name. Or send me a tip and let me know you enjoyed it.

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Please click the link below my name to read more of my work. I would also like to thank you for taking the time to read this today and for all your support.

If you enjoy this piece, you may enjoy this one too.

Originally posted on Medium

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About the Creator

Colleen Millsteed

My first love is poetry — it’s like a desperate need to write, to free up space in my mind, to escape the constant noise in my head. Most of the time the poems write themselves — I’m just the conduit holding the metaphorical pen.

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Comments (4)

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  • Alex H Mittelman about a year ago

    I liked this and have had a similar experience recently. 😢

  • Awww, Wesley seems like such a sweet guy. I'm so sorry that you were homeless and had to spend 6 months in his car. I just don't know how you were able to do it. Although it meant that you didn't have to continue living in his car, I felt so sad that you both had to part ways. And I still remember Merv from your other pieces about him. I'll never forgive him for what he did to you!

  • Cherish Lipford 2 years ago

    Love the story definitely can relate thank you.

  • Joe Patterson2 years ago

    Very captivating and enlightening. Your story is a song for all who have had similar experiences that let them know they are not alone.

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