I’ve Been Away

Who am I again?

I have to admit it.

I’ve been very quiet for a while. Despite the evidence to the contrary, I haven’t given up writing. However I’ve been on quite a long hiatus. I must admit I’m one of those strange people who absolutely loved lockdown. I filled that time with writing, learning about writing and reading a great deal of my fellow writers pieces.

Then when lockdown ended I was too caught up in the day job and moving house. And I have to own up, I started to backslide and NOT write.

Furthermore…

I have looked back at my writing from a few years ago and quite frankly, it’s embarrassing.

I can spell (British English) and string a sentence together but I’m perfectly well aware that’s not enough.

Much of my writing is a long winded apology to people who won’t hear and even if they did won’t care.

Still more of my scribblings are about setting the record straight and being able to have those conversations I never got the chance to have.

That’s actually the worst of it.

The conversations I never got to have. But we aren’t talking about that.

However, I imagine many of my pieces would be of limited interest to anyone not involved in that imaginary conversation (that never did happen.)

I wrote back then to exorcise painful feelings, self inflicted, and reactions to historical hurts, both. Some pieces were just rants, justifications, attempts to process my own reactions and those of others, others were riffing on the same themes, dressed up as fictional tales still more were poems and playscripts.

Almost all were about coming to terms with endings and changes, or being the butt of mammoth misunderstandings. Pretty much all of it.

BORING!

However, I hardly think I’m the only one who has done this.

Writing is a great way to process your stupid misleading emotions that always feel like the biggest thing in the room.

That stuff will steer you wrong every time, if you let it.

But if you get out a pen, or in front of a keyboard you can say what you want to say to the ones that aren’t listening.

It’s probably just as well they aren’t …but, who knows?

Your writing might give some one, somewhere a clue about what NOT to do or say.

Or maybe I’m being a bit too hard on myself. Yes, I can describe my follies ( oh boy, you don’t want to be doing THAT) but I can also explain what I’ve realised and learned from these mistakes and Ill judged overreactions.

You can be pretty sure that someone somewhere has been through something similar.

You never know… your ramblings might help someone! That in itself makes its worth spewing your thoughts out onto the page.

I’m going to make the effort to polish my writing and take it in different directions.

I need to reset.

I have slowed down my writing progress to a snails pace, but I want to write better quality pieces, I am done with “spewing…”

I’d like to produce pieces that entertain and that avoid rehashing old themes.

Maybe you are what you write after all… and with that in mind there’s no doubt I should raise my game.

I also intend to be a more supportive colleague for my fellow writers too.

Please forgive my absence. I’m going to spend time reading the large backlog of your wonderful pieces I have accumulated.

Then I’d better pick up that pen ( metaphorically that is , I write on my phone.)

Watch this space.