I Miss My Friend...

It was my friend's birthday yesterday and it's almost been a full year since he died... I really miss him.

It all started on a Friday last year. I was homeless and living with my grandmother at the time but I was also in school finishing up my last three classes so I could get my Associate's. It wasn't going too well for me but I won't go into details about that.

My friend, Sam, was always working and the last time I talked to him was at a New Year's Eve party that he threw at his place, which was super fun. Everyone had a good time and all. Me and a few of our mutual friends even helped him set up the party the night before. It was frustrating the more we went but when everything was all said and done, the party turned out great.

By the time the party had ended, it was back to life for us. I had to go back to school, my older brother had to go back home on the other side of town, and Sam had to go back to grinding at work. I've known Sam since our senior year of high school but we went to different schools. We did go to college together for a bit though and it was awesome.

So about two months after the New Year's Eve party, I was at school hanging out with a few friends and I was dying to leave my grandmother's place as fast as I can so I tried to live with my older brother's mom but she had me on hold for a while. Anyway, my older brother texted me the same day saying, "Hey, call me as soon as you can. I got some bad news, bro," and I wasn't able to call back since I was at school and I was freaking out in my mind because I thought his mom had said no to the idea of me living with her. As soon as I got back to my grandmother's, I did what my grandmother needed me to do and I called him right after I was done. That's when everything had changed.

He told me that Sam had died in a car crash and it was head on so he died instantly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing so I went to my grandmother's car so she couldn't hear me crying (I don't like when people see me cry, let alone hear me) and I stayed there for about 30 minutes or so. My older brother told that the funeral would be the next weekend so regardless of what I was doing, I was going. When I finally got the courage to get out of the car, I went inside to tell my grandmother the bad news.

The next weekend, it's time for me to say goodbye to my friend, Sam and by the time I get to the funeral, I'm just numb. I didn't know what to feel. Everyone was crying and sad. His family was there including his brother, Alex, who I'm also good friends with along with some old friends from elementary and college. I had a chance to put some glitter down where he was being buried while we were saying goodbye but I was so frozen. I didn't know what to do. I still haven't gone to his grave to talk to him but I plan to do it sometime.

The good thing out of that funeral, I ended up being part of his family by the end of the day since I met his older brother and sister along with his mom and dad. His mom is a sweetheart and his dad is awesome. Then his older brother had asked me how we met which I never really thought about a lot at the time so I told him we met in high school but we didn't start talking and hanging out more until college plus I even brought up that we became friends because of Quentin Tarantino's movies since his favorite was Kill Bill and mine is Django Unchained.

When summer hit and I left my grandmother's to move in with my older brother on the other side of town, I watched Kill Bill again but the thing about it is I saw it under a different light because if it wasn't for that movie, Sam wouldn't have been the best friend I've ever had. Among that, I learned that he was gay and that we still would be really good friends no matter what. At some point, I even ended up seeing him as not only my friend but my brother as well and even though I have dealt with death before, my two dogs dying hurt enough but having a person that I know just randomly die out of nowhere—it's a different pain for me and it's like things will never be the same.

I miss my brother, Sam... The last movie we talked about a movie was when he pretty much made me watch Coco and I really wanted him to watch Black Panther since we both got represented in a movie plus now Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse came out. I think he would've loved it because we both would've been represented with not only Miles Morales since he's not only black but also Miguel O'Hara for Spider-Man 2099 as well. I honestly think Sam would've loved Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.