I'm Thinking Of Ending Things.

I have no clue how to start this review, because I have no clue what I watched.

Don't get me wrong, after thinking it over , I understand the plot, for the most part, but... This movie takes away my words in a way very few have.

Charlie Kaufman's spectacle of a return didn't disappoint. Well, it didn't disappoint me. There is a reason this film has more mixed reviews than The Last Jedi. Of course, the film is right up my alley with it's strangeness, so I admit my bias in loving it, but I do feel it's one of the most distilled examples of Cinema as art, rather than as pure storytelling. It still tells a story, but there isn't so much a plot as there is a loose thread that floats around the movie on a cold winter's wind, lightly tapping random points.

I have no doubt whatsoever that I classify this as a tragedy, it's probably one of the most tragic films I've watched in a long time, and more beautifully poetic and poignant than the majority I've seen in a while. In my opinion, no screenwriter captures the pure, awful, yet passionate essence of humans better than Kaufman.

For me, strangely, the high point of the movie comes right in the first 15 or so minutes, when the 'Young Woman' reads out a poem from 'Rotten Perfect Mouth' by Eva H.D. Not only did it completely engross me in this movie's world (if you can call it that) but it destroyed me emotionally. The cynical approach this movie takes to escapism through creative media is fascinating, especially considering it is, itself, creative media. Although, I'm not sure the movie itself, or Kaufman, have as depressing an outlook on the effects of media as the characters within, and I personally do disagree with these points. Yes, media can be pointless escapism and have devastating effects on the psyche, but as all drugs or foods or anything, it really depends on how the individual consumes it, and how much of it they consume. Then again, maybe that is the point of the film and I'm missing it by dissecting the wrong parts, this is a difficult movie to discuss.

Honestly, few films have as claustrophobic an atmosphere as this one, and I believe that is in phenomenal service to the idea of being trapped in one's own head. And never have I been more creeped out by the build-up to going into a basement, at least since 'Parasite'. And rarely has the whole of a cast been so flawlessly and stunningly convincing, even if it is a relatively small cast. I completely forgot David Thewlis played the equally enigmatic V.M Varga in Fargo, and that Jesse Plemons played the psychopathic Tod in Breaking Bad. This was an amazing introduction for me to Jessie Buckley, who had, in my opinion, the best performance of the film. It's even more impressive when you think about how each of the characters had to quickly alternate between different versions of themselves. Rarely has a film been able to so lightly yet thoughtfully touch on so many issues, and juggle them all with, arguable, depth.

However, I do have to bring up the obvious. This movie is gloriously, exuberantly, incessantly pretentious. Seriously. The movie very rarely pulls back on the pretentious throttle, it instead jams it into overdrive and duct-tapes it to the floor. Even so, it is in service of the themes and ideas, so I feel it's very much excusable, but I'd be amiss not to admit that I can completely understand why someone wouldn't enjoy this, and why you'd rather stick on Breaking Bad or Fargo. Often I would.

Nevertheless, I feel films like this are important for the psyche, ironically enough. Sometimes you need to delve deep into your own mind, or I suppose every human's mind, and understand yourself, otherwise you may end up like the janitor. But don't do it too much. You might end up like the janitor.

Okay, spoiler talk, it's time to jump off the train (if you don't get that reference, you haven't watched the movie), so stop reading if you care. Scroll right to the bottom, where the next heading is, for my final conclusion on the film.

Honestly, even before I completely understood what was going on, this movie affected me in a way that only those rare, special movies can. Sure, I will admit that I have no clue whether it's objectively good yet, although as Jake points out, there is no objective reality, but I can say that subjectively, the film fucked me up.

I'd argue I'm Thinking Of Ending Things isn't as conceptually grand as Kaufman's other films. I mean, inhabiting human bodies in Being John Malkovich, and institutions that alter people's memories in Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind really outdo the relatively simple and common concept of exploring one's mind, but I would say that depth wise, it is his most ambitious film. Does it fall flat? No, I wouldn't say that at all, but I would say it stumbles after the half-ish mark. Or maybe it's the three-quarter mark. I mean, whenever they leave Jakes' parents house. I can't tell when it is because the pacing takes a serious hit.

To be fair, the movie is two hours long. But to be fair, I don't think it needed to be. I feel they could've cut much of the drive to the city out, as it felt like an exaggerated re-enactment of the drive to the farm. It was still effective and entertaining, but not nearly as powerful, as the film had completely committed to it's absurd nature and not much was making any sense anymore, making it harder to connect with the characters. That being said, considering how abstract and purposefully inconsistent the characters are, it was surprisingly easy to feel for them. Maybe it was the unflinching representation of the brutality of mundanity, from pigs being eaten alive by maggots, to the simple process of growing old. Everything was heavy, everything hurt.

The way I interpreted the title, like other people who've seen this film, evolved as I watched. Before I started it, and knew absolutely nothing about it, I assumed the title was about suicide. Then the film started, and I believed it was about the relationship between the 'Young Woman' and Jake. Then the film ended and I realised it really was about suicide. And as I write this review, I realise it's about both. The Young Woman wasn't real, not really, she was simply a idolisation of youth and hope that the real Jake/The Janitor created in his head, she was a prayer, a painting, a poem, a ballet. All the things that make us feel better. But, as The Janitor kills her in the dance scene where they're the most beautiful versions of themselves, a heavy-handed if respectful nod to Oklahoma, he's saying goodbye to the idealised, beautiful version of life. And, as the 'evolving pig' leads him to his death, he accepts the inevitability of mundanity, and quietly says goodbye to hope. He ends things both with 'The Young Woman', and therefore his love for media, and his denial of reality, and embraces the cold truth. The final scene, a re-enactment of Lonely Room reflects two things; Jakes' never-ending loneliness, and the end of his fantasy.

Wow, what a depressing film. Luckily, like me, you don't need to have seen Oklahoma to understand this movie, but apparently it is a helpful reference.

Even so, I don't think this is as bleak as it appears. I feel it more falls in with Greek Tragedies, in which the protagonist is unsuccessful due to their own failings, in this case the penchant many men have for believing in a simple solution; being with a woman instantly saves you from your misery. An idea that is very commonly portrayed in romance films, especially since the 'goal' of the male characters in those films, if we're talking about character arcs, is often to win the love of the woman, and they don't do much else.

Kaufman is no stranger to this theme and he has bore the brunt of many-a-criticism for falling in this trope but, bear in mind I haven't seen Anomalisa when I say this, I don't think any Kaufman film dissects the actual negative effects of this belief and it's role in a patriarchal society, even if it does do it only briefly here. Even a woman made up in a man's head comes to realise how awful that role really is, and how it perpetuates the subconscious idea so many have that women are only there for a man's gain. It also neatly ties into the main character's fear of reality, as an arguably more realistic version of her confronts the real-life janitor and talks about how Jake was simply a creep staring at her, mentioning that she was there with her girlfriend celebrating their anniversary. She used the term 'girlfriend' earlier, but I brushed it off as just meaning female friend. Now it could mean she was a lesbian trying to have a nice night with her friend but being creepily stalked by a frustrated, lonely man. Does that make it even worse? Then again, this is still Jake's insecure speculation, and with this film, you don't really know. People's self-perceptions of their actions, as Jake himself states of our perceptions of reality, are entirely 'tinged' by our own experiences, thoughts and especially emotions. We can think something is entirely worse than it is and we can think something is much better than it is, and that view completely dependant on our opinion of others and ourselves. So, whether he really was creeping on a poor innocent girl and perpetuating sexist archetypes, or they were simply exchanging wholesomely romantic glances, like Jake, we'll never know.

Anyway, as I was saying before, I believe that to an extent it is Jake's fault he ended up so hopeless. Rather than making himself happier and coming to terms with his own demons, an admittedly stupendously difficult task for anyone, he indulged too heavily in cheesy romance movies, like the fake Zemeckis movie, and deluded himself into believing life is like the silver screen; everything works out when you inevitably get the girl, you simply have to express your passion for her. Maybe it's time we rethink movies.

I'll admit, I would have a hard time recommending this film to someone.

Not only is it one of the strangest films I've watched in a while, it can easily be argued that it didn't need to be so convoluted. And you need to, somehow, be in the mood to get a little depressed. I did personally connect with the themes of being trapped in your own head, and making up fantasies to make yourself feel better about the future (yet not even being safe there from your own doubts). But it is an extremely cynical movie when you get to the nitty gritty of it, and the tension is nearly unbearable.

Nevertheless,

Kaufman deserves an award. (in my opinion).