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I'm raising little Gentelmen

We need to fight old stigmas.

By Niecee MayPublished about a year ago 8 min read
I'm raising little Gentelmen
Photo by Park Troopers on Unsplash

I am sure we have all heard the saying "boys will be boys." I have heard it for as long as I can remember. I remember it being used for boys weird behaviors, such as climbing on things and jumping off of them at heights they should not have been at, and all kinds of weird things like eating dirt and insects. However slightly more recently it has apparently become an excuse for boys to be bad, like really bad. This is not something that should continue. Respect for each other and their boundaries is a must.

We have dealt with a lot of changes over the years. More specifically, rules changing because, "even though it says it applies to the whole, it only really applies to these people." Okay, so now we need a new rule, one that, "applies to this category specifically but technically we're wording it to be all inclusive, but it only really relates to this group." Wait, isn't this the exact same problem as before? How does this make sense and how do we fix it? What do these things have to do with each other or the title you might wonder. I promise to bring it all together.

I believe in order to create change you need to be the change you want to see in the world. I see a lot of pain and heart ache over things that should never have been in existence. We only live a short while on this beautiful marble floating around in space circling a ball of fire. We should be making the most of our time here. Our beautiful planet is our home our source of everything we need. Without it we would not be able to BE, to exist, in the first place. We do things that are destructive and painful to our home. We make rules about things we have no business making rules about in relation to our home. Do we feel bigger than we are because of these rules?

In these realizations we come to see the bigger picture, how small we are, how seemingly insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things. Looking at the bigger picture we see how what we have done, and even some of what are doing, has destroyed our home and ourselves even. We see our morality and it can be scary, and we start to wonder what's so special about me? Why am I here, why are we all here for that matter? Since there is no cut and dry or clean answer to that line of questions we have to make some decisions.

We know what is right and wrong but still continue to do things wrong, because the right way is too hard, yet expect our children to follow the rules we make even those we refuse to follow ourselves. "Oh, but I'm the adult I make and break the rules as I see fit because I'm the adult." This is flawed and false "logic". Children learn by watching YOU! If they see you on a screen ALL the time, they also will want to be on a screen all the time. They want to be like you, they look up to you, your are supposed to teach them how to be functional adults in society. How you act, how you talk, how you treat people, they will emulate that. Look at yourself and your actions and life choices. If your children acted, talked, lived the way you do, would you be proud of them? If the answer is no, you have to be the change you want to see in them.

They say history has a tendency to repeat itself. Honestly it has more to do with re do not learn from our past mistakes and continue to repeat them because we seem to think just because they could not make it work does not mean I cannot make it work, if we do THIS instead of THAT and alter those things just a tad then we can make the idea real. However it always fails. If we wish to stop repeating the same age old mistakes then it has to start with us, each one of us. I promise it always starts with you. Look at all kinds of iconic humans in our history, both good and bad icons. What did they do right? Where did they go wrong? It always take ONE person to stand up and say, "NO this is wrong and I cannot sit idle and allow this poor behavior to be continuously excused of any reason."

If one person can make waves, imagine what an entire generation can do! If we start at home and teach our children compassion, love, honesty, open-mindedness, to be all inclusive and equitable with all humans no matter their differences; we can make changes, permanent changes.

Growing up in a huge extended family and vastly different immediate family living situation, has been a huge benefits yes, and no, not everyone has had such privilege's I understand. The difference is instead of being bitter that others have had it easier than myself or sad that even others have had harder and even more sheltered lives than myself, I would rather share my story and hear yours. I will always mean it when I ask: "How are you?" "How have you been lately?" I honestly want to know you, the real you, the one you hide from people because they have all been trained to judge people for being different. I celebrate our differences because if we were all the same life would be boring. We should be focused on so much more than our currently broken system has us snowballed into believing.

My two sons will grow up much like their father in a small town, probably living here their whole lives with limited exposure to many differences. For me this is a difficult and yet beautiful realization. My children will potentially never know anything outside of this town, this state and this town is not very diverse, I mean it's a small town in a mostly rural area with we will say six main "big cities" within an hours drive (40-60 mile radius) from home. These cities will help provide for the diversity to some degree, however I still wish to take them on trips to other states and even other countries, but this is years down the road. If nothing else the knowledge that they have me and my experiences to help guide them in living a kind and inclusive life makes me feel a little better. I also feel like as much as I enjoyed moving for the experiences and people, I hated the starting over and am very glad my boys will not have to do this.

I will be brushing up on my Sign Language and continuing to teach my boys sign so we can include those that are deaf or heard of hearing. I will teach them that LOVE is ALWAYS the answer, because with love we can concur all things. I have been brushing up on my German, and started learning French as well because you never know who's day you can brighten by speaking the same language. I will lead by example, and teach my sons by being the best I can be, and that ALL of us are special and different does not mean scary. We all have bad days and they will know that that is normal. I will teach them about ALL the things that have been "Hush-hush" over the years, and nut just teaching them about them, but why it's safe and healthy and why it was "hush-hush" for as long as it was. I want them to know the good and the bad. I want them to see the truth behind the fun, I want them to see the beauty in the perceived ugliness of life that is natural and wonderful.

I dream of a world where no one is afraid to be themselves. Where we can be truly happy. Where our worth isn't based on anything more than the simple fact that we are alive. With so much that could go wrong in the reproductive process, (birth defects, miscarriage, mutations, disease.....) we should celebrate all life. If we (generally speaking) stop talking about SOME things and instead teach LOVE and ACCEPTANCE, we effectively remove the problem things. However, if we stop talking about them all together including about why it's a bad thing, then we never learn from the mistakes. We have to teach about EVERYTHING good and bad, AND they why it is good or bad, as well as situations where something generally bad would actually be good and vice a versa.

For this dream however there are things we all need to STOP doing. Stop spreading fear, hate, and false information. There are also things we have to START doing too. Alongside being the change we want in the world, we have to start fact checking things, looking into things and not just blindly believing something we've been told because they are supposed to be reliable. EVERYONE has at some point received and/or given out something false, even if they didn't know it to be false in the moment. I will often say, "I have not yet verified it to be true but I did hear ____ and I will be looking into it shortly." Often met with, "Cool, let me know if it's true, if it is _____." Our words carry so much weight with people and we have to chose our words wisely so we don't do more damage.


About the Creator

Niecee May

I'm a Mom of two boys, and I have a love of literature. I'm an open book and love reading and writing. I started writing around age 10. I like the term Dragon Mom as I hoard Books.

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