I'm Not Sure What You Want to Hear
An Open Letter to Anyone Pursuing Me Romantically
Dear Other Human,
I thank you for your interest in dating me but there are things you must know before we continue.
To begin, there is no guarantee I will agree to anything romantic. By romantic I mean going on a date or giving you any contact information for me in order to get to know me better for a date. I may have several hundred reasons for turning you away and I doubt there's any real issue there. Maybe I am not attracted to you, or I don't have time to spend with you, or anything else. There are lots of reasons for me to say no to your advances.
Manners are very important in this exchange. Now I'm not saying we have to be all proper and Victorian when I say manners. I mean I just want you to be a person with me. Talk to me like your equal and not an object or someone below you. They can get you very far in life. A lack of these manners, I must add, can also be a reason for me to turn you down.
If I may, I would like to walk you through a few possible interactions (regarding manners) we may have:
- The first is a rather stereotypical one and I hope you don't take offense that I'm listing it. But if you want to then that's your business. You walk up to me and comment upon me in any derogatory way (see "nice ass, can I wear it like a hat?" "those tits look like they'd taste great," "Your tongue is pierced? I bet I know what that tongue do," etc). In which case, I will either ignore you and your existence or I will, unkindly, tell you to leave me alone. This can form into several other interactions, ranging from mildly hostile all the way up to alerting the police. But that's something else entirely.
- Another interaction we may have in one where you compliment me in order to start our conversation and then kindly ask if I would like to talk with you again at another place and time. This is fine, though depending on my mood I may feel like an object. Sometimes I won't but there are days I may. That can affect my response to you but not enough that it will change the world. Though, due to your manners, I will try my best to reciprocate this tone.
- The final interaction, albeit the most pleasant one, is where you start a nice conversation and we talk for a few moments before you ask to further our interactions in the future. This would be ideal because it gives us both a chance to see (even slightly) with whom we may be talking to. But these are just my opinions.
So what should you do if I turn you down? Leave me alone. It seems simple but sometimes the best solutions are. We can always continue to speak without romantic intentions but if there was no exciting conversation in the first place, you shouldn't worry yourself over those things.
Now you may or may not be hearing that little voice in the back of your head speaking for society and telling you to keep trying and not give up. Ignore that voice! It is not a correct voice nor is it giving very good advice! There are quite a few reasons why it is wrong and I would adore sharing them with you. I'm not some task you're struggling to complete nor am I prey you wish to capture and kill so you should not be pursuing me or trying to "get" me. Words like these, colloquial or not, really don't paint me in the best light as any type of romantic partner.
Nevertheless, you must understand, I said no for a reason. I don't care what that reason is, I said no. I shouldn't have to explain myself to you or anyone else. Society teaches many females how to lie their way out of situations like this because, for whatever reason, society believes our counterparts deserve an explanation and it's our job to give it. I have been told before to tell someone who will not take "no" for an answer that I have a boyfriend. Why does that matter? My no is still a no, why does another human have to "possess" me in order for you to take my no? I have also been told to claim my sexuality is the opposite of whoever is pushing me. Again, I ask "why does it matter"? If I told you no because my sexuality doesn't align with you, how is that your business? I'm not here to pad your ego so you feel better about my no. I'm not here to lie to you so what do you want me to say other than my answer: no.
I truly hope this letter hasn't completely deterred you from talking to me. I'm not that bad, I promise. Simply honest about my expectations. Even if they can be considered outside of societal norms. Because I may say yes. I may give you my information or seek you out to talk to at a later date. You never know.
Wishing you a nice and happy life,
An average woman who knows how she wants to be treated.