I'm Here, I'm Queer. I Write Poetry

From as long as I can remember, I have been writing. Be it short stories, attempts at full blown novels, lyrics or prose, my pen has always found its way to flowing my inner emotions out on to paper. This last year, however, has been the most poignant when it comes to the effect that writing has had on my life.

In 2017, March time, I was messaged on my Facebook acting profile in regards of me performing at a spoken word event in Cannock. I'd never really performed my poetry in a spoken format before but since I'm one for new experiences, I figured I'd push myself out of my comfort zone and attend the event anyway! I'm glad I did - I managed to make new friends and delve further into the creative world even more than I could have anticipated.

Throughout the past few years, I have felt myself in such a frustrated circle of self-loathing, never knowing where I quite fit in in life. I felt trapped in a body that seemed furiously incompatible with who I am on the inside - neither male nor female, yet with traits of both. My interest in Tumblr and access to further research in the realm of queer had already made me aware of the fact that I'm not cis. Though I'd made this revelation about myself, I still struggled at placing how I felt, and how I perceived myself into words.

If I'm honest, since the age of about fourteen my poetry had been a constant dribble of morose wording that fit in well with the realm of 'emo' that was popular at the time. It wasn't until my mid-twenties that my styling became more suited to who I am as a person, and my poetry became more raw with genuine emotion that reflected me as an individual. My ability to transfer my feelings into my writing has helped smooth my way into self-acceptance, self-appreciation, and self-love. I have performed at more events, shouting my voice louder even when I'm feeling the knock of dysphoria and anxiety absorbing into me.

It's difficult at times, especially when there are people who laugh at your request for simple human rights. There are people who vindicate your identity as a political movement, instead of just accepting it as who you are. My perseverance and newfound love for poetry (and performance) have enabled me to quit hiding in the closet and be true to who I am. I am out to mostly everyone. I face backlash everyday, I have lost people for stating my identity, but I have garnered the ability to mark my emotional walls with thicker armour.

People will upset me, they will hurt me, they will even break my heart. For as long as I have the passion to write, I just know I will always combat through it. So hello, my name's Red, I am a human being, and I am determined to put my voice and expression to use.