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"I'm Getting Over Someone" And Every Vague Rejection Line Debunked

by Ellen "Jelly" McRae 19 days ago in dating
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Every rejection line a woman uses and its true meaning.

Quit wondering | Image created on Canva

I know you've had the brush-off.

Well, that's what a polite if not direct rejection feels like. A brush away, a shoo-ing by a woman you wanted to date. Or even more.

But somewhere in the rejection process, she has said something to you that confuses everything. Sure, it's a rejection, but for you, trying to learn why you're rejected, the off-the-cuff line doesn't give you any feedback.

In fact, it leaves you more confused than before.

Let me help you translate what a woman means when she declines your romantic advances.

"I have a boyfriend"

I wanted to start with the most cliched line a woman uses. I would argue it's a line well abused and misunderstood for too long. 

And what should be a simple statement with no double meanings, we women have used to avoid many uncomfortable conversations. 

When a woman says this to you, she could mean:

  • She does have a partner - And when she says this, it means she isn't planning on cheating or wants to cheat, even if there is any interest in you. Or she is completely in love with the most wonderful person and knows saying that would make her sound strange and overly specific.
  • She is seeing someone else - It's not that they are official but she's committed to making it work. And not interested in seeing anyone else. If the person she was dating was here, it would freak them out. But considering it's just you and them, she exaggerates.

How do you know which option it is? 

There is only one method to figuring out the truth. Without looking like a complete stalker, that's a difficult option to undertake.

If you do find yourself venturing down this path, you need to ask why you need to know the answer. And why it means so much to you.

If you can't answer that, we need to have an entirely different conversation when we have the time. And the wine, too.

"I'm not interested"

When a person says this to you, I applaud their honesty. Or bluntness. Or both, as the case may be. To say this to someone, the woman chooses not to play games. Instead, she responds straightforwardly to you.

It's a pretty brutal thing to say to someone, too. We wouldn't say this for giggles unless the woman is a true sadist.

Generally, when a woman says this, it means she isn't interested. What she doesn't say are the reasons why she isn't interested. It could be:

  • She doesn't find you attractive, especially if it's the first time meeting someone and that is all they have to go off.
  • She found no emotional attraction to you - She didn't get all the butterflies, nervous energy you expect from someone you're attracted to asking you out.
  • She isn't feeling the connection with you or any sort of spark that would lead her to a first, second, or third date.
  • She wasn't impressed by the way you asked her - The way you asked her out lacked any sincerity, romance or genuine affection. Or it seemed slimy and like you're trying to get into her pants.
  • Depending on the context, it seems like you're pitching sex and not a meaningful relationship. If that's not what they want, they're passing.

"I'm not interested in dating"

Being interested in you and being interested in dating are two different things. Sometimes when we hear someone say they're not interested in dating, we assume it means us. 

And whilst it can be a cover for that, it can also mean:

  • She's happy being single
  • She's been scorned by dating and doesn't want to go down that path any time soon
  • She's busy in her life and has no time for dating, relationships or even sex
  • She has a complicated life and doesn't want to include anyone else in it.

Not everyone wants to date, by the way. 

It sounds weird considering dating is such a normal social convention and "everybody" does it. But it doesn't mean we want to date right now, or ever date at all. It's an individual process. 

And a woman saying this to you says she's not dating you or anyone.

Most women saying this are trying to tell you this. With genuine sincerity, it means it's not you, it's them. And no amount of persuasion will change it.

"I'm getting over someone"

Oh, we've all been there. Sometimes, we're always repairing our battle scars, and finding a way to move past the hurt of someone else. 

Or sometimes we are stuck, thanks to a partner who has made us feel less than we are. 

We're protective, us women, and we put the wall up when someone new comes along. 

Sometimes we have the foresight to acknowledge our guard is up, and let you know before anything happens. 

That's what this line is for. We're covering for:

  • The idea she has broken up with someone - It has been days since the split and she can't even fathom dating anyone right now. She's suffering considerable heartache, that dating someone else isn't on the radar.
  • She's going through a divorce - Adding someone else into the process just complicates everything. Not for the ex and not for you, but for her.
  • She's still in love with someone else and it wouldn't be fair on you to get into a relationship - She couldn't give you any attention even if she tried.
  • She's hung up on someone else - And completely repulsed by the idea of dating anyone else right now. It would feel like cheating, even though it's technically not, but emotionally it feels wrong.

I've said this to someone before. 

It was difficult because I already felt vulnerable and scorned. The guy I said it to laughed, half in disbelief and the other half in ridicule for my pain. It sucked. 

Not only was l hurt, but it didn't exactly make me want to start dating again. Especially with that guy.

And not everyone subscribes to getting on top of someone to get over someone, by the way.

"I want to be friends"

Women love to have male friends. But it has taken a long time for this to become socially acceptable. 

And there are still significant sections of society who believe it's impossible for males and females to be friends. 

It's because of that reason it's easy to misconstrue how a woman behaves around you, confusing flirting with everything else. Here's the difference:

  • They think you're nice but not romantically right - It's not that you're a bad person, or you don't have a congenial personality. But they don't want to date you. You're not a person that they want to be romantic with.
  • They genuinely see you as a friend and nothing else - They know you've been friends. And you get along great as friends. But that doesn't mean it can turn into a relationship. Not from her side and not from any of our interactions with each other.
  • They have no intention of being friends with you - The woman is being polite in this situation. She doesn't want to be friends with you but knows saying this is the right thing to do.

It's easy to spot a lying woman on this topic because you were never friends with her. 

And they never try to make a friendship from their rejection of you. It can be pretty clear-cut.

"I don't want to get hurt"

This is a hard one, a line I've said before. I used it on someone who I wanted to be with, and they ignored my pleas. I then realised I was saying this to people because I had my guard up against heartache. 

Because once bitten, twice shy. 

This line means:

  • Someone has hurt her recently and she's not emotionally ready to go through it again - It's not that she hates men or never wants to go out with one again. But right now, she's vulnerable and she can't risk getting hurt again.
  • She's passing judgement, on face value, that you will hurt her - You look like someone who will hurt her. Or what she knows about you doesn't allow her to immediately trust you with her vulnerable heart.
  • She knows any guy will hurt her if they go out with her right now - It's not just you, it's everybody.
  • She's likely to hurt you - You are at greater risk of hurt than the other way around. The woman isn't in the mind space where she can give herself unselfishly to dating you.
  • She doesn't trust anyone right now - Friends, family, lovers, her guard is up to everybody.

What all these lines mean

We can speculate all we want about why a woman rejected us and how she did it. And if you want to know how truthful she is being, you might be wasting your precious efforts for nothing. 

You may never know, nor may they ever tell anyone their true reasoning. For all your wondering, you could wait forever.

And all over a rejection? It's not worth it. 

But if you're finding it difficult to believe the rejection, or feel as if it's credible, the woman saying it means:

She isn't interested in you. And she is politely declining and you should take the hint.

The reasons don't matter why a woman says this to you, nor what the truth is, and whether they said it to you nicely. Or not. 

Without any doubt, the woman saying this to you is rejecting your advances. That's all. It isn't any more complicated than that.

Rejections happen every day. Sometimes it's you, sometimes it's them. With that knowledge, stop trying to rationalise what happened.

Take it with a grain of salt, don't take it personally, and move on.

dating

About the author

Ellen "Jelly" McRae

Writes about romanceships (romance + relationships) | Loves to talk about behind the scenes of being a solopreneur on The Frolics | Writes 1 Lovelock Drive | Discover everything I do and share here: www.ellenjellymcrae.com

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