I'm Done Dating Until I'm 50
The Date Is Not Worth The Headache
I've decided I am finished dating until I am 50. This is, and at the same time, is not a pleasant thought, but what . I have made this decision because it's not the responsible thing to do but after a lot of discussions with my daughter, her life is already confusing enough without me adding a stranger into the mix. The circumstances revolving around her being from a broken home are traumatic enough, not to mention the trauma it caused me on a personal level. Trauma I have since turned into a strength, but trauma nonetheless.
For 7 years I dealt with my exes addictive personality and abusive nature. I got hit so times, I lost count. Sure, if I ever fought back I would've flattened her but real men don't hit women, even the bat crazy ones. I kept most of that abuse hidden from my daughter except for the time I got kicked in the head with a heel or the time I got punched in the eye; oh yeah, I guess there was that one time my daughter was wiping the blood off daddy's face and asking if I was OK. Once the infidelity began, or I should say once I admitted to myself that it had always been going on, I had enough.
The night that I told my ex that I wouldn't be driving her over to her boyfriend's house because our daughter was sleeping and I had to be up in four hours for work; that was the night it all came to a head. She pulled a knife on me, I disarmed her, she jumped out the window while calling me a monster, she ran around the house screaming like a maniac, she busted out the front window to get back in, and then she started assaulting me some more. As I began from the repeated blows to my head, I slammed her to the ground... well more like I collapsed on top of her, but you get the picture. When I shook off the fog, I realized I was choking her, so I backed away and called the police. When they arrived, one of them questioned her while two other woke deputy do-goods threatened me with prison time. Saw that one coming a mile away. In the end, though, the female officer in charge hauled my ex away, while she swore that having her arrested was abusive. , having her arrested was protecting her because I realized I wasn't having it anymore.
When I realized that this person I was willing to do anything for and put up with anything for, was pushing me to a state that I would never be able to forgive myself for, I knew I had to end it before too late. Of course, I got ridiculed by the limp dick, coke-snorting, pill-popping, bipolar, abusive she's now banging; telling me that any other man could've walked away. Nope, sorry , but any other man with half the I have would've put her in the hospital a long time ago. In fact, I pray that she is getting a handle on her addictions and her violence issues or that will most happen.
It still amazes me to this day, the number of people that go around blaming others for the repercussions of their own actions. She even told me a while back that she was still triggered and apprehensive around me. FOR WHAT!? For the fraction of times, I restrained your crazy ? Oh, it's the times I told you that your current course of action was not going to turn out well...and it never did! Most it's due to the restraining order, supervised visitations, and the two nights in jail that were all a direct result of her own actions. Did she learn from any of this? No, of course not. She retaliated by putting a restraining order on me and subjecting me to an hour a week of state-supervised visitations, that not traumatized me but devastated our little girl. Why you might ask... because she nuts...have we not covered this?
This, folks, is the state of affairs in the current #METOO era of lunacy. Oregon has actually enacted a law that allows you to get a restraining order on someone without a shred of proof. You need to FEEL threatened. When I got a restraining order on my ex, I went in front of a judge with my face looking like hamburger. Her proof? Well, there was none, but she did tell the judge a nice little story about being stalked even though my GPS records showed I was never in her area. When I was, because she had either asked me to pick her up or on a designated day that I picked up our daughter. All this backed up in text message.
This nightmare of my history aside; the state of the dating scene has beyond a shadow of a doubt, disheartened me toward the fate of humanity. Values, morals, ethics, though as loose as they may be at times still seem to be a thing of the past. It's gotten to the point that every time I go on dating sites or step outside, it's solidifying the fact that I don't like people anymore.
I have found in my somewhat long hiatus from social activity that parenting suits me, and it's giving me time to focus on healing myself while building a successful business. This doesn't mean I wouldn't love to find someone that can help ease that emotional and physical need for closeness at times, but I am dreadfully jaded to the idea of associating with people to find this mythical decent human being to share my time with. Couple this with the fact that I know myself now and I'm not interested in connecting with someone that is looking for their next pet project to put a leash on and prance around their friends while they brag about how well they have him trained. Your pathetic is demeaning, fake, and disgraces your own credibility as someone with any substance.
It probably doesn't help any that I am an Alpha Dom ENTJ personality. I can't even pretend to and why would I want to? Add to that mix that I live in Portland, OR; the fake capital of the US. Everyone has a persona and none of its real. It wasn't always this way, but that is the sad state of affairs now.
Guess I'll enjoy fatherhood while I guide my daughter through her life and encourage her on her way toward whatever path in life she chooses. Being her source of strength and stability isn't a bad role in life after all.