How do you know you are in love? How do you feel? Is it like they say in movies? When you get butterflies in your stomach and your hands get clammy? Well, for me it was that and way more! You don't control who you fall in love with or when it happens. All you can control is how you deal with it. They say the love of your life meets you in your mess not your best. We always said from nothing to something, and I'll never forget what you told me in August of 2015, "Why did you have to sing that stupid song? Why did you have to look so cute? And make me fall in love with you?" From the first night we hung out you had me addicted, totally hooked. Your smile, your charisma, your charm, everything about you I wanted so badly. Then when I had it, I didn't want to let go; and I wouldn't for no reason!
We always wanted a better life and we went through some crazy ups and downs. From fights, to addictions, having no money, losing our apartment, to splitting up. And within in all that mess we managed to find ourselves back together in each other's arms, where it felt the most comfortable. You always said I needed you and that you wanted me to just want you. I never stopped wanting you, and I still haven't but, since June 16th, 2017, I don't think I have ever needed you more than I do know.
The day you went to heaven ruined me, to think the love of my life has just gone without a word, without a goodbye. We'd never said goodbye because we couldn't. Goodbye meant for good and we never wanted it to be for good, but this time I had to be. I can't call you, I can't text you. I can't hear you say, "Good morning gorgeous how did you sleep?" We will never cuddle, hold hands, or laugh at our stupid selves!
Now we all know how to fall in love, but how do you fall out of love? Do you act like it never happened? Do you know yourself completely, and turn off the feelings like a light switch? Or do you just piece yourself back together the best you can and act like you never fell in love? Those are all trick questions. You can never fall out of love with your first love. They will always and forever be your first love and hold that spot in your heart, alive or not! I know we all wish that they had a course in school that taught on love. Instead, we unfortunately got stuck with a girl and a boy who fell in love and both killed themselves at the end.
That doesn't seem like the way to deal with things, but instead you cherish every memory. Every laugh, good times and bad times; but mostly you cherish every minute you spent with them. If I knew what I do now, back then, I would have counted every freckle on your body. Every smile you ever had, and every time you said I love you. I would have cherished it more than I did. It's something I would hold on to for the rest of my life, because all along it was you. I keep moving forward for you because I know that's what you would have wanted. I think of you everyday and I dream of you every night. Not a moment passes I don't miss that smile or the sound of your voice. I'm forever yours faithfully!
August 5th, 2015 - June 16th, 2017. All our memories that were made between these dates are forever engraved in my mind like your name is on my heart!