Humans logo

I Filed For Divorce But I Still Love Him (I Filed For Divorce But Don't Want It)

I've been in a place where I was saying I filed for divorce but I still love him just like you're in now. It's not a great place is it? Are you in the tough spot where you're saying oh my gosh, I filed for divorce but don't want it? This happens a lot. Well the good thing is that it can be fixed.

By Charles BillPublished 2 years ago 6 min read

You have been feeling very unhappy in your marriage for quite a while already and you start to wonder this, "Should I divorce my husband?" Sometimes you think that divorce is inevitable because you do not know how to solve the problems in your marriage. However, the truth is most marriage problems can be solved without getting a divorce.

You always think of this question, "Should I divorce my husband?" whenever you cannot stand your husband ways, but decision about divorce should be thought carefully. Take some time to calm down your mind and take a good look at your marriage. Is your husband always the person that he needs to change? How about you? Do you think there are areas that you should change too? I have to also let you know that going through divorce is not simple and it is possible to give you more troubles after divorce because there are more things that you have to differentiate and agree onto such as the custody of the kid, finance, house, etc.

In order to be fair to yourself and your husband, don't always think of the bad points in your marriage. Think about what made you so in love with your husband in the beginning? Think of the solutions that can make your marriage better if you decide to stay. If you think that it is necessary to be away from your husband for time being, consider a short separation instead of a divorce. Let him know about your feelings so that he can agree to give you some space and time to consider.

Top Reasons To Stay Married

The divorce rate here in America is near 50%. In other words, only one half of all marriages go the distance. By "go the distance" I mean last until "death do they part." These statistics exist in spite of the fact that traditional marriage vows all include the concept of permanency, and "I promise." So much for promises and keeping our word. And you know what's scarier to me? The success rate for second marriages is even worse than that of first ones.

I see couples in my office for counseling regularly. The problems and issues are always unique and not surprisingly similar at the same time. Differences over finances, child rearing and extra-marital affairs top the list of presenting problems. Someone, or both, is usually angry. By the time they get to me a lot of history has been written. Of course that history is perceived differently by each of them. The perception of the history always determines the position of each. The perception always drives the potential for progress.

I'm going to let the cat out of the bag just a little before we go any further. There aren't 10 reasons to stay married. There is one reason. But I will reveal that later in this article.

Here are other reasons (in no particular order) that couples give for staying married.

1. The children.

2. Finances/money.

3. Religious beliefs.

4. Fear.

5. Social position.

6. Lack of confidence.

7. Too old to start over.

8. It's comfortable.

9. I wouldn't know how to go about making a change.

You could probably add to this list. These are, however, very common themes or statement that I hear from clients. Sadly, I've had female clients whom were in extreme denial that they were in an abusive relationship. I do my best not to judge as a clinician. I do strongly believe that no one should stay in an abusive relationship. And I will never apologize for that bias. Regardless whether the abuse is sexual, physical or psychological, no one deserves to live in the dis-empowered state that an abusive environment fosters.

I think that too many people get divorced too quickly. They don't do the necessary work to be together. Some pull the divorce rip cord too early. Many marital problems can be worked out if people are reasonable and open to understanding the other person. Communication is almost always a problem in a marriage. The brains of men and women are different. How we process the world is vastly different. If we learned about this and understood it's implications in relationships, many divorces would not occur. And, some people stay married and probably shouldn't. Sometimes a situation is irretrievable. Sometimes they are just waiting for the other person to say it first.

So here it is. The number one (and only) reason to stay married is... Because you want to. I'll say it again. The only reason to stay married is because you want to. It doesn't have to be a perfect marriage. You don't need anyone else's approval. You should be with someone only if and because you want to. This reason could include within it some of the other top nine. All you need to know is that you want to stay with this other person. That alone is reason enough.

All married people are married to imperfect people. Let's face it, people are people. You can all list the flaws of your spouse, or boyfriend or girlfriend. That's easy to do. I don't recommend doing so. I especially don't recommend sharing it with him or her. That probably wouldn't be productive and may lead to further problems. Could you honestly list your own flaws? Many of us could. It might not be as comprehensive list as our spouse could make for us. Or, it could actually be more comprehensive. But face it; we're all with other imperfect people. And we are there because we want to be there. It will always come back to that.

Everyone who is married long enough has enough reasons to be divorced. It's true. Looking back, most of us really didn't know our spouse well before marrying them. We thought we did. As the years have gone by we learn and discover more and more. This discovery is both a blessing and a curse. We discover more wonderful things, traits and characteristics as time passes. But just as all coins have two sides, so too does discovery. We also learn more and more annoying things about that person. I'm not referring to major things. Little things can add up over the course of a lifetime. Always keep in mind, he or she is with you in spite of your flaws. This can allow us to have a sense of love and gratitude toward our spouse. Imagine how it feels to know that this person chooses to be with you even though they know all about your every little imperfection. Feels pretty good, doesn't it?

You might make a list of the other person's positive qualities. And start with "they are with me because they want to be and in spite of my shortcomings." Doing this may cause you to take a whole new (and positive) view of that person to whom you are married. Focusing on positives can cause the negatives to diminish in importance.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage. To learn more visit: Steps to Save Your Marriage


About the Creator

Enjoyed the story?
Support the Creator.

Subscribe for free to receive all their stories in your feed. You could also pledge your support or give them a one-off tip, letting them know you appreciate their work.

Subscribe For Free

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments (1)

  • ariel ariel2 years ago

    I used the help of ……… (s o l u t i o n t e m p l e. i n f o) to get back my husband after three years of divorce visit his to get more information about him.

CBWritten by Charles Bill

Find us on social media

Miscellaneous links

  • Explore
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Support

© 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.