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I feel thankful for Quarantine

Toxic love during a time of a toxic virus

By A. C. Clementine Published 3 years ago 3 min read
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I feel thankful for Quarantine
Photo by Josh Hild on Unsplash

I am thankful for the space that COVID has allowed me to take in regards to a toxic relationship. 2020 has been, well, unimaginable to most; feeling almost like a horror movie that hasn‘t ended yet. Maybe titled, ”The Silent Stalker: How One Virus Took Over the World.” Yes, we have been in this for 9 months now, the length it takes to carry a child to full term. That’s a perspective I can also hardly imagine.

When I think back to where I was physically and emotionally when COVID first hit, and I look at where I am now, I feel like me and myself have come to a sort of re-birth if you will. I was living in New York City- the epicenter of the virus- finishing up my studies for Makeup Artistry. I lived in Bushwick and would commute to Soho on the M train each morning. Usually, the 8am train was packed! Shoulder to shoulder, bag beneath my feet, getting shoved left and right, no where to put my hands sort of packed. Then as news started to grow about the virus and how it had now hit US soil, the train passengers slowly started to dwindle down eventually so low that there were empty seats. Maybe these seats were given up as a sort of sacrifice to the virus, “Please don’t infect me. Here is my seat as an offering.”

At that time, I was emotionally and mentally drained. I was going to school 40 hours a week and working 16. 56 hours of straining my body and mind and convincing myself to keep going, just keep pushing, I can do this...

I was also in a relationship at this time. One that was 4 months new and very exciting. It was the first time I had ever felt an instant connection to someone. Love at first sight- lust at first touch. It was vibrant and electric and I felt like it would last forever.

My boyfriend, A, and I were talking about what was going to happen. He was in California at the time and I was in NYC. Word was circling the air that everything was going to shut down: streets, shops, subways, and that I would be stuck there with no means of getting anywhere. In a quick decision of passion, we decided that I would live with him and his family for three days in Pennsylvania and go on from there. We couldn’t imagine being apart.

Three days turned into three months and by the end of it, I couldn’t imagine being with him. Our relationship had taken a toxic turn and I found myself stuck in the middle of an ultimatum. Risk COVID and leave or risk my sanity and stay? I chose to leave.

For this, I am thankful for COVID quarantine that I had the ability to live with him and realize that this was NOT the direction I was meant to take. I feel so thankful because he was in the army and we were talking marriage. I was imagining little babies running around on army bases and getting to travel with him. Those thoughts eventually turned into nightmares and I needed to leave. If I had been so naive and gotten married to him, I would have ended up a beaten and battered army wife. Thank you, thank you, thank you is all that I can say.

Now that chapter has closed and I have learned so much in these past 9 months. Allow a relationship to mature before making any decisions and carving out time to reflect and give space to myself instead of waiting for the next pandemic. Re-birth is a good thing, allow it inside of you and don’t wait until the red-flags become red badges of dishonor on your skin.

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About the Creator

A. C. Clementine

An avid writer, photographer, artist

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