I don’t want to say goodbye…

As I sit in that room and I wait on the news, I think about all the things i didn’t get to do. Like sitting on the porch and watching that sunset or walk our daughter’s down the isle. Or travel the world, just me and you. Watch our children have kids of their own and the little feet running around on our wooden floors. Being able to tell you every minute of the day that I love you. Holding you close every time you get home, like you were gone for month’s. But I will cherish what we have now, until the day we are forced to say goodbye. I remember when we met, I was straight forward about my health and you still fell in love with me. We might of met online and in a bar, but I felt that spark as soon as we started talking face to face in that diner. We had cheese cake and the best talk i ever had with anyone.

Did you realize our first date lasted for four day’s? I fell in love with you after the first day and I thank god every chance I get for bringing you in my life. About a week later i did something that I did not do for like 15 years and that was to get drunk and end up cutting my head open on a stop sign. But we will save that for another story. About two month’s later you came to me with even better news about our new daughter hope. And on your birthday I proposed to you and you made me happy and said yes. You have bent over backwards in so many ways to help me and to show how much you love me back. You loved my kids like they were yours and I love your kids just the same. There's not a day that goes by that i don't think about how we met and how I think how awesome god is for making our path's cross and how everything happens for a reason. You do so much for me and everyone else in your life and deserve so much appreciation. I want you to know even after I’m gone, that I am thankful for everything and for you being in my life. And for always loving me no matter how bad my flaws were or how sick I got. And I will fight this sickness and fight to stay with you as many day’s that god allows me to. My biggest favor is to remember how much i love you and tell the kids all the time i love them too. I know meeting you and getting to know you all made me a better and much happier person. And i love you even more for that...

I have hidden a few thing’s so you didn’t see the pain and how emotional I get over this. There were times I would sit in the bathroom and just cry to god to help heal me or to keep me here for as long as possible. I didn’t want you to be upset or see me like that. I love you all more than anything and i will always. There is one thing I promise is when i do go to heaven i will come back often to check up on you all. If you see a candle blow out without wind, that’s me saying I got you. I don’t want to say goodbye but i will say i love you and will see you later….