I Didn’t Know he was the One

In 2007 I moved back to Alabama from Virginia for sophomore year at The University of Alabama. I moved in with my best friend from freshman year of college, who moved in one week before me. Apparently when Liz, my best friend, moved in, some guys from the apartment complex helped her. That is when he came into the picture, already present when I moved in a week later.

He lived two buildings down and was six years older than me. He intrigued me with his “bad boy” personality and inability to commit complex. I remember one November night sitting on a swing outside of a house party, the weather was about 40 degrees feeenheight, and he walked over and offered me his hoodie. I thought it was just a nice gesture, until getting in the car to drive home. He was in a different car, while I rode home with my girlfriends. They informed me that this man, this bad boy I was intrigued by, Zach, had been asking about me a lot and was highly interested in getting to know me on a personal level.

That’s when it began for me. Our first night together was very casual, and I tried so hard to keep it that way. However, seeing someone daily, doesn’t help with the whole feelings thing. We continued hanging out frequently with our group of friends who so happened to always hang out at our apartment. We spent Wednesday nights at karaoke and everyone returned to my apartment for the after party. That’s when we would end the night with a night cap. That’s when I found out about the other woman, he lived with.

I attempted to stop seeing this man who I was starting to fall for, but seeing someone on a daily basis makes it almost impossible. We managed to keep things quiet until we couldn’t anymore. We attempted to deny everything, and the other woman believed it, or so she said. We managed to take a break, but breaks only last so long. He always came back.

Things had just started to return to normal, friends at the apartment everyday, Zach hanging around weekly, and everyone having a good time. That’s when one of my friends from freshman year of college decided to come stay with us for a weekend. Now this friend, and I use to term friend loosely, always had the same taste in men as me and surely was never above trying to take the attention away from other females when it came to guys. I remember that weekend well. I warned him she was coming so he could be prepared. However, there is this image in my mind of the first night she stayed, I walked onto my balcony, and she was sitting in Zach’s lap, kissing his cheek. After hours of enduring this, because I’m a very passive person, I went to bed. It was only the next morning I found them on my living room couch together. Needless to say, he and I didn’t speak more than a hello to each other for the next few months.

It took me a long time to forgive him, but I had to realize we weren’t together. I was also the other girl. Eventually I forgave him, and we went back to what we had been. This guy knew me better than most people I dated, more than a lot of friends, and was someone I could confide in.

However over the next couple years we had our on times and off times. He would be around for long periods of time and we would be “us” but then he would disappear for months at a time. Eventually he got married to the girl he lived with when I met him, and they had two beautiful children together.

However, when she started cheating on him, he sat there and took it, almost like it was karma. The third time it happened, he asked her did she want to be together anymore. When her answer was no, I received an unexpected message on Facebook. It had been five years and a single wave is what he decided to send. It was all casual “how are you’s?” and “are you seeeing anyone?” at first. Then he asked me about where I lived. As I told him I bought a four bedroom house with two furnished guest rooms, he politely asked could he sleep on my couch for the weekend until he could move in with a friend. Of course my answer was, “you can stay in one of the guest rooms.” Of course guest room turns into my room, my bed, at least one of those days, until it was time to go.

One weekend together and he was gone again, moving in with his friend. Little did I know, this was a fresh beginning for us. Every off day from that point on he was messaging me, asking me what I was doing, did I want to hang out. At one point he even asked what were we. My response was, “friends using friends.” His response to that was, “are friends using friends allowed to miss each other?”

So there it was, not long after, we started dating, even though his plan had been to stay single and “play the field” as he called it for awhile. This was June of 2018. When it came time to move to a place for him and his kids, he thought about putting a down payment on a house. However, with full custody of his kids, that would have made it almost impossible to see each other. So I invited them all to move in with me. This was a man I met in 2007, knew most of my flaws, knew me as a person, and most of all I felt comfortable with. It was just like we picked up where we left off several years prior.

It was an adjustment, but this was a changed man. He had calmed down, become an amazing man, and an even more amazing father. There was no fear of infidelity and a chance to make a home with this person I met at the age of 19. April 14, 2020, my 32nd birthday, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. On April 24, 2021 I will officially call myself his wife and be the step mother to two beautiful children who I love dearly.

Yes, it is definitely not the perfect love story, and never in a million years did I think he would be the person I would spend the rest of my life with. Neither of us is perfect, and we both make mistakes. However, I think I have loved him since I was 19. We both just took a little detour to end up back together. Had I never answered his message, or let him stay with me, or even forgiven him for the past, none of this would have ever been possible. It just goes to show, we have no idea what life has in store for any of us. I certainly did not think I would meet my soulmate at 19, but life had something else in mind.