I couldn't be early to something

If there's one skill I'm glad I picked up as a teenager it was the knowledge that being early to something is pretty pointless.

Because I couldn't be early for something. Not any more.

The sheer amount of free time you get when you're a teenager means you make a lot of plans with a lot of people. Movies. Park. Beach. Arcade. McDonalds. Shopping. House parties. That's a lot of organising.

Phones were not as useful as they are now. You could text, you could call, but that was about it. At home, by all means, you could fit in any organising and conversation you could with people over MSN Messenger when you weren't focused on trying to do the Dragon Slayer quest in Runescape. At school, sure, write that shit in your planner because you clearly don't need to use it other than doodling or trying to remember what day of the damn week it was.

Organising a group of friends to do things back when I was a teenager was a different time. How the fuck people did it before you even had a phone in your pocket, I don't know.

In my prime, in that awkward middle stage of technology, is where I crafted my penchant for arriving to things at the time I wanted to.

A wizard is neither late nor early. They arrive precisely when they mean to. I, a non-magical wizard with a less spectacular beard arrived when I meant to. Usually right on time...or fashionably late.

I wasn't that friend that did that originally, but that is the habit I picked up. As a teen, I'd make a plan, show up crazy early and just sit on the bench or wall or random piece of architecture that vaugely ressembled a seat and chill there. For. Ever.

Problem was, my group of friends had that one friend. The one that lived just a bit further out of town, who always needed a lift, who always got caught out one way or another. To the degree that when you next made plans you tell people one time but actually mean a much later one, you know?

My clock began to run two different time-zones simultaneously. The one that followed sense, and the other that followed a margin of lateness. Living life on a time delay like someone's about to say fuck after getting shot by Derren Brown on Channel 4. The more disappointment and the more needless milling around waiting for the late friend made me a similar monster. The friend that judged time and distance to such a degree that I'd much rather aim for being right on time than floating around like a fool.

Not being early to things does offer that risk, however. I've gotten into the habit of arriving to work with sometimes less than a minute to go. Getting the train can be a risk. I once planned to be fashionably late to a colleague's leaving meal and when I got there everyone was already seated ready to eat wondering if I was still coming.

Organised procrastination. If that can be a thing. I'll push things as much as I can before I need to go because I have it in my mind that I'll arrive right on time. Usually its the case and other times I realise there's a whole list of things I need to do before getting out the door. I realised that instead of sitting out in the world endlessly scrolling or playing games on my phone, I could do so in the comfort of my own house. By being on time (or fashionably late), I realise that other people who are like this are onto something. Be as comfortable as you can and spend less time wondering where the hell people are. It can be advantageous to be that International Man of Mystery. Make them wonder where you've been when in reality you've chosen to play one too many games of Call of Duty Warzone or got caught up in that YouTube recommended videos loop.

Is it the dick move? Probably. But when you get there you know you're immediately going onto the next thing. The extent of your timing means you're not caught in the rain or caught in the sun or caught on someone's CCTV feed watching the sad sack waiting for their genius mates.

Being on time is the way to be. Fashionably late is still acceptable, otherwise why would it be in fashion. Now if you're extremely late, you can fuck off, you haven't actually mastered this craft, you're a dick. But if you're early, if you're the type of early where you need to check your watch or open up more than one app while you wait, you're the fool. You could have been chilling just that little bit longer. You've lost the race.

I couldn't be early for something. But fuck anyone who gets to things later than I do.