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I could not tame her

by Melissa Ingoldsby 12 months ago in lgbtq
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Yet I did not aim to; my sonnet to you, my goth girl crush

I could not tame her
Photo by Farhang Ahmed on Unsplash

She was as fresh as a orange rose on a bright summer day.

That was until … yes, you cut it down and grabbed the stem, and got jabbed by the thorns.

But, I’m not cutting this fresh, beautiful flower down—mainly because I’m not sure she’d be happy with the results of my love.

So… I’m in love with my best friend… same old story, blah blah blah.

Tricia was a goth girl who wore thick eyeliner and chains and chokers and had orange hair and a button nose.

She was beautiful.

Tricia was my best friend since middle school. We did everything together, walked everywhere, went to gas stations, (living in the Midwest there isn’t a lot to do) went to the library and just went over each other’s houses a whole lot.

I was nerdy. I was the girl with glasses, my Harry Potter books and had no sense of style. I wore my dad’s clothes even for a few months in sophomore year.

You get the picture.

Anyway, we are almost in senior year.

I am totally, madly in love.

I think.

I just wished I could tell her.

But, like a beautiful flower in a garden, I watch her from afar.

My mom(just my mom as my dad passed away when I was three from cancer), thinks I am more bisexual than gay… but I don’t know. Guys can be pretty cute, too.

I do like girls more, so I’m inclined to believe the latter. And yes, Tricia knows this and doesn’t care. She is still my best friend.

Anyway, I get a text from Trish(I call her that) and it’s this vid:

Literally. I’m screaming! This is my favorite movie.

She texts me: Amanda, totes your fav scene amirite

I text her back: Yesh

She hits back: MOOD

Me: Lol

We text more and she asks me what I’m doing for the Valentine’s dance.

Her: you should ask Kayla. She got LEGS for dayz

I laugh at that. I text: maybe I’ll ask Kyle. He has a butt for dayz too

Her: umm, what 🤣🤣

I wanna ask her! Argh. But I wasn’t lying about Kyle. He was very cute! He had this long red hair and perfect blue eyes… but— I really wanted to ask Tricia.

The main thing about Tricia and I was that we always had each other’s back. She stuck up for me, and I for her.

She was always loyal and true. She was funny, sweet, thoughtful and weird(in a lot of ways that I loved). We liked Tim Burton(only his original stuff like Big Fish, The Nightmare Before Christmas and Edward Scissorhands!), we loved odd animations like Salad Fingers, The Secret of Kells and we also liked to watch She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Futurama and Courage the Cowardly Dog.

So… we had a lot in common despite our fashions completely being opposite.

She was also a fighter. I was not.

I loved that about her—how anytime someone was being bullied she stepped in to help. She even once helped me and offered to fight, “for my honor,” which made me crack a grin so big.

She was amazing.

I asked her if she was taking anyone to the dance.

She sent me a gif:

This is a reference to the fact she just broke up with her boyfriend, Greg. Greg was a year older than us, and had black hair that was dyed and a nose ring.

He was not a bad boyfriend,(they didn’t have anything in common tho) but I was super jealous about it—-of course secretly.

Then, she had to message me this:

Why don’t we go together? As friends.

I decided not to do this.

I decided to ask out Kyle instead.

He was really pretty(kind of androgynous looking) and he was funny too.

Though, I noticed a weird shift in our friendship after I asked Kyle to the dance.

Tricia seemed to avoid me at all costs… and I had to ask her if it was because I didn’t go with her to the dance.

She said no, of course—-and Kyle and I didn’t even kiss at the dance, but still…

Whenever I closed my eyes, and day-dreamed, I thought of her and her orange colored hair and pouty, blood red lips (from her lip stick) and I just fell again.

Kyle and I dated a little bit after the dance… but quickly, we realized we didn’t match up. He was very sweet and funny, but we weren’t compatible. I did kiss him once—-and it was pretty nice, but I just didn’t feel that spark. We remained friends.

Kyle turned out to like guys too, and started dating this other dude named Kevin (who was a bit of a tall, nerdy guy) who ended up dating him long-term now. They are super cute together.

Anyway, Tricia and I were hitting a bit of snag with our friendship and she just wasn’t telling me why.

I decided once we were in our senior year, I would finally just tell her how I felt.

But how?

I felt as tongue tied and awkward as Ariel when she first grew legs and didn’t know how to use a fork.

So… I wrote Tricia a sonnet.

I listened to this song the entire time I wrote it:

Your voice healed my soul like a summer wind

A warm and cool mix with an aroma of chamomile and a lit candle

Your stare was one bright summer sun-ray, magnified with a trust no one could rescind

And your laughter was the most rare sound to me---your tears I could not handle

One orange colored day, like Amelie, but like your curly hair---I long to feel a stray curl along my fingertips

I listen to so many songs and they all sound like you, even the sad ones---I am drowning in that orange colored dream

I will give you a million orange colored roses, but they could not compare to you, only their petals could illuminate your glow in drips

Remember that summer day, darling, you kept me safe from my own sadness----it was more than any award to your character I could deem

All those days we walked endlessly, it felt we could do no wrong

Summer was just for us

We even were loudly exclaiming our alliances , our friendship in song

I was covered in my dad's duds, you in your dark ones---and we sat at that graveyard at midnight, saying Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

But, Trish, you are summer wrapped in a Gothic vision, a beauty that I adore,

And I admit it, darling---I am in love with you, and if you do not like me back, please don't close the door.

I gave it to her passing classes, my heart pounding.

And yes, I hand wrote it.

She wrote me back, handing me wordlessly a folded note:

Hey, meet me after school at Quick Trip.

For those you don't know, Quick Trip is the best gas station ever---they have hot made-to-order food and it is super awesome.

And, like a dream....yes, an orange colored day-dream----

I walked up to Trish...

and She came up to me...

I asked her, "So, what'd you wanna see me for?"

She took my hand, pulling me close. "Giving you my answer..."

By Mia Harvey on Unsplash

And she kissed me.

Long and slow. Caressing my hair and holding my waist.

Like the best first kiss ever,

and I was living it.

I was living my best orange-colored Goth crush dream!

And I have to thank Shakespeare for teaching me how to write sonnets!

And Trish and I are definitely staying together because...

chicks dig poetry! lol. But seriously, she told me that she was jealous when I went with Kyle and not her after-all.

She just couldn't express herself accurately until that sonnet, and then it all came to her.

She liked me, too!

What a great way to begin adult-hood, with someone I adore and trust--my Trish.

lgbtq

About the author

Melissa Ingoldsby

I write short stories and poetry. I hope you find yourself in between the spaces of my words.

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