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I can live without you, I just wish I didn't have to.

The most unforgettable day of my life.

By C.J.BPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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I went home from work, thinking I could finally relax and have dinner. I microwaved my food, turned the T.V. on, and was about to start eating when my brother-in-law knocked on my door and told me that he needs to talk to me.

I felt that it was a serious topic but I couldn't figure out what it was.

He's always been straight to the point, "There's no other way to say it, but I was on the phone with your sister and she told me that she has Stage IV Cancer. I know how much she means to you...." and the rest was a blur.

My whole body felt weak and I dropped to the couch. He touched my shoulder as a sign of comfort and was telling me things that I wasn't hearing. I don't remember if I cried, but I remember feeling numb and confused. It felt surreal.

A few minutes before he came into my room, I was starving and suddenly, I felt like throwing up. I could and couldn't process the situation at the same time, for a few minutes, it felt like time had stopped. This day, unfortunately, is one that I will never forget.

It's the day that I realized how important a person could be in my life.

I think we always say that we "can't live" without certain people and that we would die for them. And when we say it, we think we know what we mean but personally, I didn't understand just how much I meant this when I found out that my sister was sick

What I've come to know is that painfully so, I can live without her. But, I would have died for her. I would have done anything if it meant not having to experience losing her. I wouldn't have minded taking care of her every night and every day. I would have been okay sacrificing my sleep every night, seeing my friends, finishing my studies, I would have been okay giving up everything if it meant she would still be alive. Selfishly even if she was sick every day for the rest of our lives, it would be fine because I would still see her every day and hear her voice.

None of us ever thought of this happening to our family. I guess this isn't something that anyone ever expects.

She was diagnosed with Stage IV Esophageal Cancer. A type of cancer common to old men who drink and smoke. A type of cancer that only happens to women only 1% of the time. And somehow, she has managed to be a part of that 1%.

After my brother in law told me everything, a few minutes later, I snapped back into my body and out of my head. I needed some air.

I went outside, walked a few minutes to the park, and sat on a bench.

I remember staring into nothing, trying to think of ANYTHING but my mind was blank. It felt like I was empty. No thoughts, no feelings. Just a body sitting on a bench staring into nothing.

I don't know how the rest of my family was told. I don't know how they reacted. I know my sister whom I live with found out before I did because her husband was our sister's first phone call when she found out. She asked him to be the one to tell everyone separately. What a task.

So you know those stories of people getting caught stealing medicines for their loved ones? Before I would say, I would so do that too but I never felt the gravity of it.

Every scenario, promise, feeling, and even words in the dictionary had a new meaning.

I absolutely started hating it whenever I hear people I know choosing to distance themselves from their family and I think "What are you doing?" I know everyone has a different situation but my sisters and I, we were very close to each other.

When she got sick and when she passed away, I didn't feel any regret. I didn't wish that I spent more time with her and I didn't wish that I told her I loved her more, because my sisters and I did all those things. We were each other's bestfriends.

The only wish that I would have was that she would get better. I would think, "yea, if killing another person could bring her back I would have done it." And now I know that I actually mean it.

Now I know what I mean and don't mean whenever I make a promise. Now, I know how much I mean it whenever I tell the people I love that I love them.

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About the Creator

C.J.B

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