Husband and wife: demons coming to unite

My disparage of marriage

Husband and wife: demons coming to unite
I told you PINK flowers. PINK!

Marriage is kind of a dumb concept. Or maybe a very dumb concept. Why? Well for starters, it puts pressure and strain on a relationship that isn't necessary; due to the legal labeling of the confirmation of the relationship of two people, stating that they will be romantically together for the rest of their lives. It’s like saying “okay well as of this moment, the government and all of your loved ones and friends now see you as a forever couple, and you can’t change that.” Just the thought of having everyone expect that the relationship will be physically eternal will make it harder for the relationship to thrive naturally. The two newlyweds may feel like they need to act or hide themselves, because they are too afraid of failure and the consequences that would come from that.

Marriage also ties the two’s financial lives together somehow, whether they like it or not, which is likely to put severe stress and anxiety between them. And if things do go sour, it’s a huge pain in the a** emotionally, mentally, and financially to break off the relationship. It’s not as simple as just “breaking up and moving on”. A lot of people do not want to go through all of the steps to break off a marriage since it is so involved and can certainly prolong or intensify pain. The reality is that everything is temporary, you can never decide what will and what won't be in the future. To attempt to make concrete plans for the rest of time is naive. People change all the time, things change all the time, and therefore relationships do as well, despite our opinions.

Besides merely the value of emotional planning and attachment to the ceremonial marriage, a material object such as the infamous wedding ring should not be worshipped the way it is; as if it’s the end all be all thing to symbolize one’s deep, intense love and trust. It’s undoubtedly factual that there are plenty of people that wear those rings and are no strangers to infidelity. There are also plenty of people that don’t wear them, and are honest and loyal to their partner. Even prior to the beloved ceremony taking place, a lot of these stressors surface. It can begin as early as when someone is in a serious relationship, and their family or loved ones are pushing them to “ask the question” to their significant other. If they do choose to move forward with asking that question and their partner does respond in agreement, pressure and fear will certainly be present during the engagement period (as if asking the question alone wasn’t already enough to make somebody nearly piss themselves).

Similarly to the actual marriage, there is an expectation that it will 100% last with no problem(s). Most of the time the point of the engagement up until the actual wedding ceremony itself is at least a year to a year and a half apart. If I had to guess, I’d say why it takes so long is exclusively due to the constant worry about making the ceremony “perfect”, or at least as ideal as possible. People legitimately spend thousands and thousands of dollars and months and months of research on anything and everything relating to it. Like where to have the wedding, what food they’ll serve, what type and color of flowers they’ll have, what style silverware they’ll have, what time of year will it be, when and where will they have the bachelorette and bachelor parties, who will be the best man, etc etc. Every single tiny detail must have days to weeks of analysis. I mean these decisions never come easily, even besides the finances alone. There are so many times where the choices create horrible friction between the two people engaged and/or between them and their family/families, and/or between really anyone and everyone involved. To make all of this such a big deal and to have so many expectations of eternal stability easily gives this the power to ruin a relationship. No amount of legal documents or rings or dresses or anything of the sort will designate how much you love and value someone. What should be important if you truly love that person is that you’re with them. It’s as simple as that. So many of us think that “girlfriend/boyfriend” versus “wife/husband” have such a big difference in terms of the legitimacy of people’s feelings; like the titles of wife and husband are exceptionally superior to that of the titles girlfriend and boyfriend.

Why do we do this? It’s all about the very common theme of fear, boredom, and the everlasting need for validation. You have to realize that nothing is guaranteed. Yes, you can plan for the future since you are just as likely to have one as you are to not have one, but also remember to incorporate the reality of existence. What you know right now very well could be completely different in the next moment. Nothing is truly inevitable. Not even death. We live from what we know now. When we do know, we feel safer and more secure, than when we don’t know. Change is more powerful than we are, so there is no real “security” in knowing. We should plan for the worst, expect the best, and plan for the best, expect the worst. Don’t live in denial. It'll ruin what you do have in the here and the now. The relationship you have with yourself, with the universe, with the earth, with nature, and with others platonically or romantically. Trust me, I think the idea of a celebration of love is beautiful and should be expressed. I just think there are other ways to do so, without the disrespect of spreading denial onto or into that love.

Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
sophia fischer
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