How to Write the Best Online Dating Profile

So you want to know what (most) women are looking for when dating online? If you’re looking to meet someone with whom there is relationship potential, here’s everything you need to know about how your profile will be interpreted (along with improvement tips) from a woman’s perspective.

Before I met my partner, I’d tried the online dating thing and found myself grimacing at many (many!) profiles. Friends would joke about how guys pick the worst photos of themselves for profiles, and one even advised me to “be willing to sleep with the ugliest picture of a guy, because that’s probably more representative of who they are.”

But why does it have to be that way? I’ve helped countless guy friends write (or rewrite) their profiles successfully. Why not help guys on a larger scale?

Keep in mind, most of this advice is from my personal experiences and is designed for guys who are seeking the possibility of a real relationship. Ditch this advice if your goals are different.

I think men tend to write their dating profiles from the male perspective, choosing photos and listing accomplishments that will appeal to other men. but unless you’re trying to reel in other guys, you need a woman’s viewpoint.

First, the types of profiles that we find turn-offs:

The duck-faced shirtless gym selfies, which we interpret as guys who are vain, or superficial, or only looking for a lay.

The ubiquitous fish-holding photos; as someone who isn’t into fishing or eating seafood, this may attract a female fisherperson but didn't draw me, and to be honest, we know you’re proud of your catch, but every single photo of a guy with a fish looks the same.

Photos of you with stacks of cash (is this your life savings? Are you only looking to attract a gold digger?) or fancy cars (did you pose with someone else’s Lambo for this photo?).

When there are no words written; it doesn’t matter how attractive you are, if you want a thinking woman, you need to share what makes you uniquely you.

When you complain about how “all bitches are…” Pass.

When you act as if you are better than every woman out there and tell us to not be surprised if you aren’t attracted to us, or won’t respond to us.

When you cut off your head in the photos (we think you’re definitely not single and are just looking for a side piece). Even worse: When you come right out and tell us you aren’t single or are only here for a night on business.

But all is not lost. Here’s what you can do to improve your profile:

Fill out your whole profile. That includes photos and all the question prompts. Let us know what (non-physical) qualities you’re looking for—the type of sense of humor you resonate with, the hobbies you’re hoping to share, etc.

Tell us something that you’re proud of (like running your first marathon, or hiking the everglades, or reaching a new level on a computer game that is difficult to reach, or being named the youngest “job role” at your workplace). Whatever it is should give us insight into your personality. It’s fine if your achievement is the most hours spent at the gym, or the biggest fish you’ve ever caught, but that shouldn’t be the only clue in your profile as to who you are.

Tell us something that makes you vulnerable or human that you enjoy anyway. Show us that you have humility and are a real person and don’t feel the need to pose as being good at everything. Do you sing off-key but get up for karaoke anyway? Are you terrible at crosswords but love to fill them out? Do you trip over your two left feet but enjoy adventure races? Tell us. Women love a man who doesn’t take himself too seriously.

Share a life goal or bucket list item. Bonus points for something specific to your upbringing or hobbies (and tell us the reason it’s on your bucket list).

Give us an idea of what your ideal weekend would look like if you had a partner. Would we be hitting the town bar-hopping? Traveling for West Coast Swing competitions or Barefoot WaterSkiing? Learning a new skill or hobby together? Staying in with takeout and tv? Share with us what makes you feel connected and recharged so we can see if our lifestyle aligns.

When you’re selecting photos, make sure you are the only person in the photos, and choose:

• something that shows your sense of humor

• something that shows what a typical day’s events might include

• something that highlights your favorite hobby

• something that references your lifestyle

• a closeup of you smiling.

Let us see who you are.

Yes, this requires a bit of work to set up. But if you aren’t willing to put in the effort to potentially find a partner, we assume you won’t put in the effort to keep one either. If you’re authentic in your profile, you’ll draw a woman who is likewise authentic, and that gives you the best shot at beginning a real relationship.

If you implement any of this advice, let me know how it changes the responses you receive, and how (if) it helps.